No, I don't think he is trying to manipulate you. It is confusing from the outside. He is sending mixed messages, but I don't think it's intended or done with any sign of trying to manipulate you.
And he does ask a good question. Why would you say "Then it won't bother you to lose me"? It is my guess that you would say something like "because you don't show much interest in spending time with me."
He seems to be baffled by that. Unable to authentically connect with a desire of needing connection, and yet also caring about you.
His lack of contacting you more often and not being bothered by not seeing you for long periods - that doesn't mean "I don't care about losing you." I have felt the same myself. I have friends who want to text every day with people they date. I am not at all bothered by not texting every day. It has nothing to do with not caring about the person. I did date someone who wanted texting every day. I did try really hard to do it because they said that it helps them feel cared about, and that without it, they feel anxious. I couldn't do it. It wasn't because of a lack of care about them. It was because PTSD symptoms were too strong and shut me down a lot.
Your situation is different, but I can see how someone would say what he did without it being manipulative but just how he feels. He doesn't need lots of connection with people he cares about. He seems more clueless to understanding that you need more contact, and why. He also sounds unable or unwilling to do what you are asking, and yes, it is confusing to hear that yeah, he still feels hurt about losing you.
Looking up information about avoidant attachment might be helpful. Sometimes people develop advoidant attachment styles after trauma where they feel like they just don't need connection or time with another person. Avoidant attachment isn't a lack of care for others or where loss of someone isn't painful. It means that the connection with the person isn't sought after like someone with secure or preoccupied attachment patterns. Avoidant attachment is a way to cope with the pain of losing people.
All the cliches he is saying sounds like a way for him to keep trying to connect, but without risking saying anything real and authentic. It sounds more like avoidant attachment, not manipulation. Someone who was manipulative would be responding more like "I'm going to kill myself if you leave."
PTSD makes it really hard to connect with other humans, or to even risk feeling like we need other humans, but it doesn't mean the sufferer doesn't care. At the same time, I know how confusing it can be for supporters or others.
The stuff about fixing him, you would have to ask him (and hope for an authentic not cliche response) as to why he thinks you are trying to fix him. That may be his own securities or his own messages he says in his head - I need to be fixed - that he is now projecting onto you. When I'm really super insecure about being good enough at my job, it is then that I think people most likely think I stink at my job. The reality is that it's actually my own fears that I think everyone else thinks what I think.
In the end, manipulative or not, he is who he is. He is consistent. This is how he is. You get to choose if it is enough for you or not. He gets to choose to do the really hard and scary work of risking to do therapy to change, or lose you. Just because he is not choosing to change, don't take it as a message about you, but about how big facing the trauma is. It's still very ok to walk away, even a good thing.
