Can't Tell Therapists This..

[Justmehere]

I'm done with it, I am just not letting it bother me anymore.

If this works for you, awesome! But if it doesn't, that's ok too. And if you are not ready to risk sharing with a therapist, that's ok. Therapy can actually help someone heal without revealing everything. It's generally very good to tell a therapist what is going on, but it's not required. Studies have shown that the single biggest factor in successful therapy isn't how much the client tells a therapist - it's the therapeutic relationship. It's connecting with a relatively safe human being who listens, empathizes, reflects things back, and helps someone work through things together.

I saw a couple of general therapists who were well meaning but taken aback by my trauma and experiences. Then I finally found one trained in several trauma techniques. Actually I have seen a couple of trauma therapists. I have yet to tell them anything that rattled them. If anything, my otherwise "shocking" life to ordinary therapists is like ordinary stuff to trauma therapists... I'd suggest giving one trained in trauma a try if you have not already. I think the experience may be a lot more positive.

It's so difficult to try to explain but in a nutshell, I have a fear of being raped, even though it was a woman who raped me.

Rape is rape. No matter the gender of the perp. I was assaulted by a man, but I can't stand for women to touch me. Yet I crave touch. So... yeah, really confusing and really common.

guess what I am thinking is I lean more towards women for a partner but I still have attractions to men also but because of the dysfunction I have I feel I would not make a good girlfriend for a man. But also that I am attracted to women is difficult because I think the abuse caused that.

That could be many things happening. It's quite common for survivors, especially of childhood abuse, to find themselves attracted in adulthood to what was terrifying in childhood. Sometimes it's a trauma reenactment, sometimes counter-phobia (moving towards what is feared to control it) and sometimes it's just how the person is.

Thanks everyone, all of your advice is really helpful. I was hurt very much by one past therapist, she looked at me like I was a freak for admitting I never had penetrative sex with past boyfriends.

Looked at you? Did you ever ask them how they actually felt? This isn't anything to be ashamed of at all - and frankly probably much more common than either of you realized... Is it possible it was a misunderstanding about what the glance from the therapist meant?

It's taken me a lot of time being a member here before being able to actually type this today.

You did an excellent job reaching out and I commend you for your courage. :Hug:

 

[roaringrachel]

I'm not in therapy any more but I'll have to return next year

I feel unable to say certain things...

I was also abused by a female relative (and I'm a female). I never ever find people who are in the same boat as me. I don't have any advice on what you're struggling with right now, but I just wanted to say there are other people who have been through the same as you.

 

[anonymous]

I was also abused by a female relative (and I'm a female). I never ever find people who are in t...

Thanks, it helps because female to female sexual abuse can feel very isolating, like you're the only one. There's a website, hopefully it still exists (Link Removed mother daughter sexual abuse)

 

[anonymous]

vaginismus or pelvic floor dysfunction support group?

I've come back to this, I've decided I don't want to be penetrated at all, ever. I guess I will be single all my life. I realise I'm just not interested in sex and I'll be single my whole life. I'll just focus on my art and probably get a dog.

Every time a man smiles at me I just want to say "don't waste your time"

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

Celibacy is a totally valid choice. As is sex without penetration. Good for you for taking care of yourself.