Cautiously Working on PTSD Issues

[pianogirl]

Hello,

I joined this forum about a month ago and have been mostly quietly reading and getting used to this place. As I stated earlier in my introduction, I've dealt with PTSD off and on for the past 11 years.

I've been seeing my therapist for about four years now and have been primarily treating my depression, but I recently decided that I needed to work on the PTSD issues, regardless if it's dormant or not. It's still there.

I recently had my Celexa increased to 60mg and FINALLY I start feeling energy again instead of the unending tiredness from the depression. Unfortunately, I think I'm starting to have signs of anxiety more often. Some of it has to do with work, but I think it's partly the dose increase, and partly because my depression lifted enough for the PTSD to start up again (I think my depression has a lot to do with the PTSD and vice-versa).

Side note: Since my PTSD has been relatively dormant (not counting my startle and hypervigilence), I sometimes go through phases that the PTSD wasn't real and it really was all in my head.

Well, this past week, I saw a play HOW I LEARNED TO DRIVE by Paula Vogel (excellent play, by the way, but very triggering if you are a sexual abuse or sexual assault survivor). I got badly triggered and had a panic attack/flashback-like episode (no images and not quite a body memory--same intensity, though, after the blip moment). I'd almost forgotten how terrifying those flashbacks were. When I looked back at how incapacitated I became from them when I first started having PTSD, I tended to blame myself and think that I brought it on myself. This time I really realized how physiological PTSD is. Wow.

I guess the point of this post is that I'm afraid to address the PTSD issues. I'm afraid of how paralyzing emotionally this all can get. However, I'm also afraid of NOT addressing it because I think it's a big part of why I'm still depressed now (in addition to the biochemistry of it). I guess I'm asking you folks on how to work it out... work on it while keeping employed... without wrecking myself again.

Truth? I'm scared about all of it. You'd think I'd be used to this by now after 11 years, but I'm not.

Thanks for listening to me.

pianogirl

I guess the point of this post

 

[patrick]

Hi Pianogirl,

There is no question that PTSD and depression are closely related. I think it's quite possible that the symptoms of serious depression can mask some of the anxiety symptoms of PTSD. Drugs can be really helpful for depression, at least they have been for me, but it's likely that if you have PTSD and depression that you won't be able to make much progress on the depression without dealing with the PTSD, too. Glad to hear that you have a therapist you have been with that long. I needed a lot of support with dealing with my PTSD after denying it for almost 40 years. I wish you the best.

Pat

 

[pianogirl]

Thanks, Pat, for your response. I hear you about needing a lot of support for the PTSD. That's what I'm afraid of: it will kick back in and I will be alone in dealing with it. The last time I had serious issues with the PTSD was during the time when I had a therapist who taught me how to ground myself after flashbacks and other intrusive episodes, but she--we--really didn't spend time figuring out how to process the memories/intrusive images and thoughts. That's the thing: What do I do with it?

It's funny, I think this latest depression is not only a clinical one, but also from me stuffing down the PTSD memories and issues. I know it's a big weight on my shoulders and I really wish I could release all of it.

Thanks again for listening to me.

pianogirl