Cervical Smear Test Anxiety

[HelenB]

I have also just received my reminder letter and as you do feel very anxious about it at the moment. My mum died of cancer, so I do feel it is important for me to have it, but at the stage I am at in processing all of my past abuse at the moment, I really am not sure if I will be able to deal with it.

I suspect that if I had not read this post I would have just tried to not think about it, and would probably have put it off and let the letter end up in our recycling, but finding this thread on here has kind of made me a bit more aware again.

Fortunately I have a very good female GP, who is aware of everything which is going on for me, so I think I will discuss it with her, and hopefully will find the courage to do it sooner rather than just putting it off and do appreciate everyone's honesty about their own experiences of it too.

Helen

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Well I know how everyone says we need to stay grounded, but I make my mind go elsewhere, forced dissociation if you will. I need to get the medical procedure done, so making my mind go elsewhere isn't going to hurt for two minutes, as it's controlled.

 

[anonymous]

Thanks again for the replies.

What I would advise, is to see your doctor and talk about the fear you have and maybe he/she could offer you some therapy in the form of counselling/CBT or even EMDR to help you with the fear/panic and anxiety.

I'm sorry about your surgery. I know it's wrong, but for me an emergency situation I think would be the only one I could cope with. I don't think I can choose to put myself through this. I know this is warped thinking and I know that in reality surgery/cancer etc would be a hell of a lot worse, but I can't move my head on from it at the moment. I can't envisage talking to my GP about it at all or anyone at my GP practice, male or female. I can't even bring the subject up with my T at the moment.

Fortunately I have a very good female GP, who is aware of everything which is going on for me, so I think I will discuss it with her, and hopefully will find the courage to do it

I hope it works out for you. I'm glad you've got a good GP.

so making my mind go elsewhere isn't going to hurt for two minutes

I get what you're saying but it wouldn't just be two minutes - it would be the whole run up to the appointment, the whole time I was in the building, in the room, and dealing with it afterwards. I can't make myself dissociate to a point where I can completely block everything out and have no recollection of it, which is what it would take.

 

[Tessa]

I'm sorry this is so traumatic for you. I do hundreds of PAPs for women and have managed to help a woman who was very traumatised like yourself. I can only suggest you try and make a plan with your T about how to approach it and then discuss your fears with the Dr or RN so they can help you through it.

 

[Lucycat]

but the reminders both trigger and scare me each time

What is the trigger and what is the fear?
Is it a trigger to some memory of trauma, or to a previous experience of medical intervention? Is the fear of the smear test or of what they could find?

You don't need to answer these here.

Personally, I ignored the reminders for several years. Then, when I had an appointment with my GP ,she pretty much gave me an ultimatum. If I did not get a smear test done, then she would not be able to continue prescribing my medication. You could say it was bullying tactics - but it worked. I went along and had a chat with the practice nurse, making the appointment, but also explaining my terror, abuse history and PTSD. She was wonderful. She planned an appointment to suit me - last thing of the day so I did not have to return to work afterwards. Making the appointment was far more difficult than having the procedure done.

After the Smear I felt such a huge sense of achievement, and also relief that I would not need another for 3 years.It was one thing I no longer needed to worry about.

I don't know if my GP would actually have carried out her 'threat'. I suspect not - she knows my history and is generally very sympathetic. But she was able to demonstrate how important she thought this was, and she had let me get away with it for years. I suspect she considered I was strong enough to face it - and clearly I was.

 

[anonymous]

Is the fear of the smear test or of what they could find?

The test.

Is it a trigger to some memory of trauma, or to a previous experience of medical intervention?

Trauma, but pretty much all medical procedures terrify me - GPs, hospitals, dentists - anything where anyone has to touch me basically at all, anything where I am in a position where I can't move easily, anything where I am not in control...I had to have a gastroscopy a few years ago and they ended up having to sedate me to knock out point.

 

[Lucycat]

had to have a gastroscopy a few years ago and they ended up having to sedate me to knock out point.

My husband, Rory has had to have 'scopes in the past. He too needed anaesthetising, and he does not have PTSD. I think a scope is far worse than a smear, because of the gagging/breathing issue. With a smear you can still have a degree of control with deep breathing etc - and it is very quick.

Trauma, but pretty much all medical procedures terrify me

I hear you, but a trigger from trauma is not the same as terror of the procedures. Many people are terrified of all sorts of interventions. That is not the same as being 'triggered' by it.

Can you think of the emotions that are brought about by being triggered. Then think of a list of how you feel when facing something unpleasant, - even terrifying. I suspect there are many overlaps but also some differences. It is the differences that interest me.

The fact that you bothered to start this thread, makes me think that actually you want to find a way to overcome the fear. As @Footie freak suggested, I think this would present a perfect target for EMDR. As it is 'only' a routine screening, there is no time pressure on you. Work through it in therapy and then see what you can do, and even if it takes forever, rise to your own personal challenge!

 

[anonymous]

but a trigger from trauma is not the same as terror of the procedures.

I might not have been very clear of that. The reason I am scared of the medical procedures is because they trigger trauma memories for me. It has nothing to do with the actual medical procedure itself, if that makes sense.

 

[Definitely..maybe]

@Solara that's exactly what I have to do, that's where my disassociating comes in handy:D

 

[anonymous]

The fact that you bothered to start this thread, makes me think that actually you want to find a way to overcome the fear

Possibly, I'm not even sure of that to be honest. But actually this is the first time I've put words to any of it before, albeit anonymously, so I suppose that is progress. I haven't discussed it with anyone before, in the past I have just said I don't want one when asked by doctors and not given a reason.