Changed Clothes And Now Confused

[Pakadlangitok]

I do not understand .

I dress in a protective way. I always wear a knit cap etc. Always comfort clothes.

Yesterday I went to a familar place and did not have it on and dressed normal for a function and it was crushing me.

I felt so unprotected and the people who knew me were all over it. WOW you have hair etc etc
It made me feel so transparent and unsafe and all I could do was smile like an idiot and say things I did not want to say. Like I was on overdrive.

Now i am home overthinking it.

Why did I do that? Why did i even TRY to look normal??? Now they will not like me at all because they now SEE I totally fail at normal!!

With all that shit on they are nice to be because they know I am not like them and you know........let's be nice to the weird one.

I ache to be accepted. But when I try it is like being punched in the face.

I still look bad when "normal" My hair is all scraggly and I look very granolaish and skinny and unattractive. (I am not exaggerating and it is not PTSD talking. I never had a date after age 27 despite being out there. Ever)

So that is extablished.

Anyway, I feel so weird. All I did was let my hair down and change my clothes and I feel THIS BAD? Am I the only one where a bit of altered appearance and you are no longer "you"?

It is scaring me and disgusting me at same time.

 

[EveHarrington]

:hug:

I think your clothes have become a protective part of your identity. I think many do it------but it's not always obvious.

I have female friends who prefer to dress very masculine, but if I dress that way, I'm very uncomfortable. The same goes for wearing flashy makeup, revealing clothing, etc. I have my own casual style, and most of my wardrobe is made up of multiple sets of the same pieces of clothing. It's very much a comfort factor thing for me. If I'm not comfortable with what I'm wearing I must change immediately. The same shoes in 2 different colors, the same shirt in 5 different colors, the same fleece in 3 different colors, ad nauseam! Lol.

I say keep your own personal style and find a way to incorporate it into looks that you'll need for various occasions. That way you can be appropriately dressed yet remain true to yourself.

 

[hodge]

I tend to be the same way. I usually dress in neutral colors -- anything to not draw attention to myself. In the last five years or so I have accumulated some tops in brighter colors at my husband's urging, but I have to feel more okay to wear them. Can't wear them when I feel vulnerable.

 

[EveHarrington]

I tend to be the same way. I usually dress in neutral colors -- anything to not draw attention to myself....

Exactly.

Hate dressing in costume, too as that draws tons of attention.

Won't show any cleavage because it draws attention. (And I'd feel like a whore.)

 

[Deleted member 33052]

I'm the same way. I have a fear of being noticed, so I tend to dress in drab clothes.