I just destroyed my refrigerator.
Thank goodness, refrigerators tend to be a lot tougher than a lot of other things you may find around your house. They're pretty hard to permanently destroy. I took a real good try at it though. First, I threw a couple of the juice bottles of frozen water. A couple minutes later, the tray that serves as a shelf in the freezer, with everything on it, right into the nonworking stove with a CRASH. (The fridge is brand new, but the &%@@(# who sold it at a "discount" said that meant no shelf in the freezer so things are jury-rigged in there to keep stiuff from blocking vents, etc) That felt , well, not good, but it's hard to stop when the rage is still putting up a screeching in my head. And it's been doing that for days....not all the time though, so I guess I hadn't quite realized how very close to the edge I'd gotten.
I started to put the jury rigging --which had fallen apart--back together. It fell apart again, right in my hands.
KA CRASH! SMASHY CRASHY WHAM! Jugs of forzen water, frozen meat, bags of frozen fruit, cans of frozen juice, and the homemade pumpkin pudding from last october all hoit the stove, the counter, th floor, the sink, (and back into the freezer -- I smashed things into the back wall and floor of the freezer compartment soi much my hands hurt) and not all at once, either, in stages....somewhere in the middle I turned to the man standing beside me trying to provide help in calming down and said, briefly, "Go away. You aren't going to like this. Go away just until It's over". How wierd is that?
Then I threw EVERYTHING in the freezer and slammed it so HARD the stuff in the door flew overthe retaining bar into the main compartment SERIOUS CRASH and then kicked the fridge door, and finally slammed that shut too (it had flown open) precipitating another cascade. Onto the floor. Into the fridge itself.
And then, suddenly, just like that, it was over. Pooffffffff. rage gone. Or something. I feel quite distinctly wierd now. Like I am not really here, or something. I don't mean. mentally on vacation. I mean I don't FEEL anything. I just stopped having any feelings when the last SLAM occurred.
So I put everything back into the freezer, redid the juryrigging first of course, and everything back into the fridge, including the retaining bars for both doors which were lying all over the place. Discovered I;d dented the back wall of the freezer. Oh well. Looked allover for the last container of pumpkin pudding...finally found it on the counter by another container just liek it with something else in it --and didn;t even get angry at having to serach for it.
Just inadvertantly knocked something over, too, and not the slightest reaction in my head.
I dunno what's worse...the rage fit or the aftermath. All I can think of is...geez what if this had happened at work? and geez my fella deserves some kinda medal for being here through sh*t like this. And finally, geez is that bloody therapy gonna help with this?
I think I'd like to retire to something like Aussie's dream place, only here in my area. Sounds...realllllly nice.
I don't get angry any more. I go into fits of absolute rage.
Okay, maybe I start to get angry sometimes. I think it's more annoyance that suddenly turns to explosive rage with little in the way of anger inbetween.
