Chilli And Chilli - Having A Bad Day

[Jimmy1]

I agree Miss America. lmao. Wow what a compliment. Mr Australia here. Jimmy is my name.

There is another part to this as well. Australia has one of the best paid military for overseas 'warlike' duty.
They get heaps of allowances and only have a six to seven month period overseas. So the enticement of extra cash is there as well, and as you know, money talks. I still here guys talk about going to Afghanistan so they can put some money down on their house. They don't think about the possibility of losing their lives or coming back a mess. I came back from Iraq with cash in the bank, but now I would trade it all to have my physical and mental health back. I would actually pay to have it back.

Don't get me wrong though. Job wise, I achieved my goals in all countries I have served in. And when I went to East Timor, I was not a part of the normal deployment. I was a part of the training team and as far as I knew, I was receiving very little extra. I did it for the opportunity to help another country.

Here in Australia they will ask you if you want to go overseas. If you say 'No', its called non-effective service and you have to give grounds as to why you should not be discharged. But in the end, you sign that line to say you will defend and serve your country.

Jimmy

 

[femaleveteran]

At the end of the First Gulf War it was either the Saudi Royal Family/Ruling Muslim Government of the largest oil producing country at the time and even now......or it was the Kuwaiti Rulling government,....whichever it was, they offered huge monetery pay off to many armies including the French Foreign legion. We heard they took the payoff but nobody ever saw any proof. Now I am not saying they did not deserve wha they ended up getting. They did their wet work over there and they did it well. BUt when it came time for the USA to give its answer as to whether it would accept this "bounty" for their largely superb jobs in the enitire war. A General made the decision for us as repesentaive Military personnel of the united States Government....we were not to be seen as any type of merncenary and therefore no bounty would be required nor would it be Recieved.

So i envy your pay and I wish my government had not been so remiss in their thinking that these types of things are not to happen in a "just war". The "just war" is no more. It is about who has the money to prolong such a evil thing.

Sorry, I am a little drunk and just speaking my mind. If I am out of line is some manner then I apologize. Just telling a bit of the truth I have been seeing.

 

[Jimmy1]

Its cool. But in a way I don't think any of us are lucky. No amount of money can fix what we have seen or experienced.

Yeah, I know guys who have been over three or four times and not have any problems. They go for the cash and wonder why us with PTSD are the way we are. Some of them experienced what I have experienced yet were not affected. I wish I was one of them.
Then again, if that was the case, I would not be the person I am and would not have met my fiancée.

But speak your mind. I have always said to people here that they can say what they want as long as they do not personally attack someone.

Jimmy

 

[brodes]

Yes i got a tex i recieved the other day from my wife telling me how lucky i was to have my T.p.i and how luck was going my way.I dont believe in luck, no such thing. [Sorry guys, me being pessimistic again] My reply to her was, and ,others is yes i got my T.p.i, but to me it is just a finnacial band aid, it does not correct my mental health issues,hence the big one Ptsd which; so i keep getting told i will take it into the ground with me or does it stop me from thinking about the people that passed in front of me on the job. And those horriable nights where i see the same faces over and over again,thats if i do manage to get some kip. [I wish, 26 hours now with out sleep] So i think no amount of money is going to sought my head. Hope i didnt offend anyone, If i did i am sorry, just very tired. Matt

 

[femaleveteran]

J eese I hope you know I was not attacking a soul excepot whoever it wa that said I deserved no payment because I was not to be a mercenary.....when in essence I was no more than a oil mercenary, gone to saudi arabia and kuwait to make sure billions wouold go to largely currupt governments.

Those are all I care or will ever care to attack.

cheers,

 

[willis williams]

I must of got screwed somolia has no money or oil. They paid under trained snipers from other countries and poorly trained somolian a 1000 shilling bounty for out heads about 25 cents US. what the f*ck did I fight for I guess my budies thats the only thing I can come up with.

 

[brodes]

Hey there every one got to keep my house after 6 Months of hell, good out come ,but rather my wife back,really feel a bit of a out cast here on web site,keep gettin that 'you never went there'its starting to get to my head i was only a Medic ,but i was a good medic.Why do i keep questioning myself ,that i never went o/s.i really feel like a f*ckin out cast , like i said just a medic ,i did my job, this shit eats me every f*ckin night[ Sorry about swearing,bit drunk ] I m at my wits end, fair dinkim, i seen the shit, even know i never left the country,you blokes out there, i know yo did a great deal for for yor country, and i am so Humble. But some one give me some f*ckin credit................. Sorry....

 

[nomedic1]

No such thing as only a medic, Matt, dont know your story but we all have our burdens and we help each other as best we can

 

[femaleveteran]

I was only a PA, started out as a 91Bravo though. But like nomedic said there is no such thing as only a medic. What is the one thing the Army teaches you in Basic Training and I think the Marines teach something like it as well.......when you sign that contract and put on that uniform and take that oath, everyone is at their heart and soul an infantryman/woman......I think the Marines say that every aMarine regardless of their job is a Rifleman. So, do not disocount anything you have done ....you put on a uniform and went to work for your country when most people will barely get up off the couch to change the channel on a TV anymore.

 

[willis williams]

Matt, ain't sure where your getting the feelings that you don't fit or if you had one to many beers. I like that you are here we all have our own demons your may have came while at different duty stations in ausie land but PTSD is still PTSD. You need to stop being judgemental of yourself and just let what ever people say roll off your back .I may be missing something here but I think most people have welcomed you here. I know I have. You have told your story and we have discused it with you with as open of mind as we have left. So hate to be the bearer of bad news you don't need to think that you are unwelcome and lets get on with it. I am going to a bike rally this weekend supposed to be three days long its a harley club. I should get to see some nice custom bikes and some other weird shit one of those closed fence no cops allowed things. Oh did I forget to tell you welcome mate and I don't give a f*ck where you got your mental geneus that is my new term fo PTSD. Quit crying in your beer and drink it you have the right to be here besides that you owe me a picture of your new bike when you get it. Just remember its no ones right to judge you that belongs to the creator and you know what is in you heart. I think it's not much differant than the medics that got PTSD from the world trade center. Trauma from a bullit, car crash, explosion, or just saving a drowning victom is still trauma. So brother just don't leave me out cause you are welcome in my book. What some folks don't know is that it is a battle everytime a medic ,PA, or field surgen tries to save a person life. Good luck my brother.

 

[Jimmy1]

The whole problem is acceptance. I had a lot of difficulty with it early on and its why there are so many untreated/undiagnosed people out there. Not being sexist, its a bloke thing too. The old 'I am tough, I am a man, I am mucho, I don't need help'. When they finally wake up and smell the coffee, or roses, they have no family, no friends, and no life.

I know where your coming from Matt though. The forum is for Combat related PTSD veterans, well thats what the rules say. If you were not meant to be here, Anthony, the founder, would have said so.

So, suck it up girlfriend and joint the party. lol. Come to Townsville some time and have a beer if you want, then again, I would rather you get some treatment and get your meds sorted so you can start leading a semi normal life, or at least managing your PTSD.

Jimmy

 

[femaleveteran]

Hey Matty-matt-matt-matt,

I also hope i never said anything to make you feel like you were unwanted or uneeded especially here at this forum. You have been super kind to me and have reached out your hand in friendship. I was not too sure why you wanted to be my friend but like you said, "the more the merrier" And that has caused me to reach out and put others on my friends list as well. So see, there you are right there...you helped me overcome a bit of the social isolation I am still dealing with even here in the internet. I have never heard of anyone on this forum not being welcomed, wanted and needed even if it is just for the extra support we all can offer when we are able to offer it. Of course I have only been coming to this forum and the other PTSD one for maybe slightly more than a month,,,,if that long even. However, everyone has made me feel real comfortable and welcome and that was odd for me because I had automatically assumed I would not be treated the same as everyone else because of the fact I am a female veteran and I was not in a combat arms MOS. However, I fired a few rounds of brass during my three and a half tours in Iraq, I was involved in an IEZD explosion which drastically altered the course of life, and there were just a lot of other things I saw over there especially since I worked in the medical field (I joined the Army at 17 years old as a medic....ended upo deploying to the first Gulf War two and a half weeks after I got to my first duty station with 782nd MAIN Support Battalion, 82nd ABN DIV....I mean I had just gotten fresh out of Basic, AIT and Hump school and then Boom Unle Saddam started acting the fool and invaded Kuwait and all of a sudden the CG of the division's talk about how the 82nd was a WAR MAKING division, that was now our job and he did not know what we had heard about peacekeeping missions and all taht but he did not really care because that was not what the 82ND Abn Div did, in his opinion of course. Every CG gives a talk to new replacements within the first day or two they are there. But I do not think even he realized then that in less than three weeks we would be wheels up and going to th Mother Of All Battles (LOL....not hardly even) n But when we got the call it became really real really QUICK. Nothing can prepare you for that and I do not think people understand that being in the medical profession is a difficult thing in and of its own self becaus eof the nature of the business. You nmight not know the person who comes into your medic tent with his legs blown off very well at all but you do know you might have played basketball or kicked around a few soccer balls with him a day or two prior to him showing up at the last place in the world anyone in a warzone wants to show up.

And no matter how hard we try, or I guess I should really speak for my own self so i will say that no matter what I DID, nothing could ever make any of the hundred + incidents like that ever seem even remotelu

I guess all I am saying is this. After a person, like you or like me or like anyone else on this forum has gone to war......it is extremely difficult to ever feel normal in any situation ever again. I have not felt comfortable in my own skin since about 4 months after I got back from my 1st deployment. I know I probably will never again feel completely normal in any situation.

Thing is that it is MY ISSUE. My brain that wants to find reasons for things might say to myself "oh, I am feeling lke this because no one really wants to get to know me and they already do not ike me so this is a big fat waste of time. Besides why should anyone like me at all when I could not save that one soldier, or that little girl who got caught in crossfire between two opposing factions, or the little boy who got plowed over by a drugged out cab driver who was getting ready to drive his cab full of explosives straight into an American checkpoint? I mean I deserve to be despised.....at least that is what goes through my head on bad days. However it does not take me too long to eventually realize taht all these thoughts of not feeling wanted and/or accepted are just what I said before...they are my issues alone and have nothing to do with anyone else. think it is called projecting (ben trying to rea a little bit up on some of this st

I dont know if that makes any sense or ifg my rambling helped you out at all or if it just confused you more. I hope that it did not do that. I do not want you to feel even more confused because things are hard enough without me adding to any confusion with my idiotic

Well I am going to go for now as i did not sleep much last night (was up to late playing fake online poker...had a good run and won about 54,000 dollars in only about 5 hours maybe a little less. So I can barely keep my eyes open enough to type.

Just know that I think you are cool and I suspect most everyone else does too......so do not go run away. Give us a chance. I think you are a cool guy and you have a lot of knowledge I could probably benefit from my own self......so please just keep coming back.........none of us are mean spirited people or anything....I only enjoy the occasssional glass of human blood (but with these skyrocketing food prices I sometimes have to settle for chicken or cow blood) with a nice steak at dinner time.....but other than that I am perfectly normal and not at all weird or anything like that. What is your blood type by the way....just curious.....

Okay now that you are sufficiently freaked out....or at least laughing a little bit at my pretty terrrible joke......I will go. Take care and I will look forward to hearing more from you. Stay cool breezy-mon