Sufferer Chris - Physical And Sexual Abuse As A Child

[Chris F.]

Hello everyone.

Found this forum on a google search.

I came here because I can't find a way to adjust and cope with what's been tormenting me. I'm hoping to find some common ground with someone, perhaps someone whose recovered or is recovering and can give me some advice as to what steps to take.

Topic is the essence of my PTSD source. Lately I've been having more frequent and severe flashbacks. It's putting an enormous strain on my interpersonal relationships, especially the relationship between myself and my fiance. I can't focus on my life, my fiance, and my education and career anymore, I feel like I'm drifting away from the real world, as if I'm lost in my own personal world, I get irritable and distant, I expect people to know what I'm feeling and when they don't I resent them. I'm constantly apologizing for the way I act when I'm having trouble.

My fiance tries as hard as she can to help me, and I want to be helped, but I feel like I'm failing her. I can't tell her what's wrong, I can't put it into words, I just have episodes where I lose myself and I can't explain it. She often takes it personally and I'm afraid if we continue down this path our relationship will be irreversibly damaged. I don't want her to resent me, I love her more than anything, but my behavior doesn't reflect that a lot of the time.

Thanks for taking the time to read my thread, if you're having similar issues or have had them, please tell me what I'm supposed to do to fix myself. I don't know where to start.

-Chris

 

[PeekieBlue]

Hello Chris
Welcome to the forum. I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling and having such a tough time. I am sure that you will find lots of advice and information on this site to help you move forward. No doubt someone in a similar position or with better advice than I can give, will make contact with you soon.
All the best to you.

 

[Jenny0329]

Hi Chris, welcome to the forum it's a great place for help. You can message me if you like for more support.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Hello and welcome to the forum. :)

 

[KP the nut]

Hi Chris and welcome to the forum.

 

[Chris F.]

Thank you all so much for the warm welcome!

 

[safenow]

Hi Chris. Welcome to the forum. May I recommend you and your fiance read the thread by Anthony on the home page regarding the cup of PTSD. It will help you both understand it.

[DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/the-ptsd-cup-explanation.13737/[/DLMURL]

As for the flashbacks, what are you doing to ground yourself? It is vital you learn how to ground yourself to the present as quickly as possible.

Lots of supportive people here. Look around and keep talking (writing).

safenow

 

[Chris F.]

Thanks for the information, when we get some quiet time we'll sit down and check that out. I haven't found a surefire method of grounding myself. i've spent a good fourth of my nights sitting alone trying to figure out how. dumping my feelings into music tends to work sometimes. that's the only method I've had moderate success doing. but it's not always an option. I try to talk myself out of it but it seems to prolong the event the more I fight it. I end up waiting it out until I fall asleep typically.

 

[safenow]

Try this:It's called the 5-4-3-2-1 game. Print it out and do it before you need it. If you are alone, say the answers out loud. If others are around, do these silently. If you practice ahead of time, you will see how quickly you can do this and be grounded.


The 5-4-3-2-1 game is based on the senses.
Use relaxation skills. ( aka = 5-4-3-2-1 game)

Do use all your senses to ground you in the present. Thus,

Visually, focus on the color of objects in your immediate environment (“it’s green,” “long and sharp” etc.) Keep your eyes open, and take note of where you are. Look for 5 colors in your immediate environment.

Tactility, do touch objects close to you and describe the experience in detail. Touch something cold, warm, or hot and describe the sensory experience. (4 objects)

Auditory, do focus on identifying the various sounds you’re hearing at the present time. (3 sounds)

Olfactory, do become aware of the various smells in your immediate environment. (2 scents)

Gustatory, do think back at something you recently tasted, or select something to eat and describe the taste. (1 taste)

Do use self-soothing approaches:
Talk to your self in a reassuring language, reminding your self of who you are, where you are, and where you’re going.

Say compassionate things to your self.

Think of the last time someone said something that you found inspiring and repeat it to yourself, now.

This works no matter where you are. However, if you are in a car, pull over to the side of the road.

There are others ways to ground yourself as well. Lots of good threads here. Look around when you have time.
safenow

 

[safenow]

Chris, have you seen a therapist for the PTSD? Some times just having someone to talk to helps a lot. Other times it takes more than just talk. There are a lot of different types of therapy. Many people here have done different things, and I'm sure they will be along to add their two cents.

For me, in relationships, they never worked out. But that's because back when I was diagnosed they didn't have all the methods they do now. My case was rather extreme, and people can't handle things they don't know. Perhaps if I'd had this site to refer them to, it might have made it easier to talk to them and for them to talk to me.

Take some breathes, and try to relax. I didn't mean to throw so much stuff at you so quick. But when you talked about flashbacks, and not having any grounding techniques, I was concerned. Flashbacks can keep you off kilter in your life and stop work, pleasure, relaxation, etc. As I'm sure you already know.

Take good care of yourself.
safenow

 

[timid_flower]

Hi Chris, welcome to the forum :) You will definitely find a lot of support and helpful information here.

I feel like I'm drifting away from the real world

I know the feeling!

May I ask how long ago you were diagnosed and what you're doing in terms of treatment?

 

[Chris F.]

Thank you all for the help and kind words - especially safenow, I appreciate the time and attention.

To answer some questions:

I am not currently being treated, I was institutionalized from the age of 13 up until I was 16, then re-hospitalized for six months. After that, I received some therapy but for MDD and anxiety. I've never mentioned the abuse to any professional entity - only my fiance and I suppose this forum. I've never had the courage and opportunity to open up about it.