Christmas And New Years Eve

[Ojike]

What do those of you whose sufferers find Christmas and especially news years eve problematic do for the holidays?

My sufferer cannot stand the chaos and especially the fireworks and noises at New Year's Eve. I am not sure why he cannot stand Christmas.

We have children together and will meet with family on Christmas.

 

[Ukav]

I dont know your spouse background or history, but I do belive many of us grew up with dysdunctional families. Christmas is therefor the height of terror cause we are obliged to "enjoy" and "have a good time" when really its quite the oposite. To be forced to feel something you dont cause its christmas is aweful.

Im blessed to be in no contact with those I grew up with. So the past years Ive made my own little traditions without the christmas remineders such as trees, food and christmas colours and so on (cant really remember what christmas means and what people have in their houses these days).
Its also the time of the year when the sun return and this is what I now celebrate. I clean up the house and make it look nice Buy good food (prefer middle east or south european food and it became my tradition for this time of year). Then I use this time of the year to relax and rewind. Look at old movies (love them), do some final training of the year, maybe hang out with somebody (aquitances). Ad also a liittle recapture of the year that has been.

New years eve has become more traumatic for me then christmas as years past by. More cause I find it sad to enter a new year alone. Also I dont like gatherings r crowd and chaos and fireworks.
The ideal for me would be to go to a nice cabin in the forest and stay there until its over.

 

[Mihe]

Is there something wrong with this page by the way? It say Ive posted as anonymos Ukav?

 

[Owu]

Everyone is anonymous. This is the anonymous forum.

 

[Dizisu]

I really struggle with Christmas and New Year but im not in a position to avoid it so unfortunately i just have to get through it, grab some moments alone when i can to take some deep breaths and wait for it all to be over

 

[Azusu]

I dont know your spouse background or history, but I do belive many of us grew up with dysdunctional families. Christmas...

A cabin in the woods until over would be ideal for me as well, seriously anxiety-laden now as holidays approach. Family history of extreme dysfunction and physical fighting and loud verbal exchanges during holidays, plus history of torture is what my mind connects to the holidays. M-e-m-o-r-i-e-s...ugh. So, I too surround myself w/good food, music that soothes soul, cannot handle loud noises, social activities at church, and so I sit (sleep at times as much as possible) and wait for holidays to pass due to triggers, etc. Smoked salmon and shrimp (things I don't usually eat), and treat myself very well and hold on and try to get through holidays. Dad drank, beat us, threw things, tore up things i.e. piano, burned home down, etc. very destructive during holidays and other times and I now know that I do not have to participate in traditions that were extremely dysfunctional and damaging for family, when all I feel like doing is rolling up in a ball in a fetal position. I now am true to myself, and pull away from others - some who too are seemingly are experiencin their own problems re: their holidays. I listen to Bible on CD; beautiful music, and watch my favorite DVDs, and I sleep a lot. I do gift-give at church and pull away from church activities until holiday is over. Hope this helps.

 

[Upag]

Thanks a lot for your answers so far. His PTSD does not stem from childhood and he is close with his family. He cannot stand New Years Eve because of the fireworks but I have no idea what is the thing about Christmas.

Anyway it is as it is and I just want to find a way to have a special time with the kids and our families nevertheless.

 

[Kute]

If you are serious about finding the special time is not about external things like food, decoration, obliged to stay with this one or that.
Its the accept of just being togheter with no pressure and no expetations and all the fuzz and buzz. Im aware its dificult with kids in the pic.

 

[Jagur]

Thanks a lot for your answers so far. His PTSD does not stem from childhood and he is close with his family. He cannot st...

I feel the same way about the whole month (here we have other celebrations in the same month as well).
I think the easiest way to figure it out, is to ask him what his triggers are, if you can. Although in all fairness, if you can't avoid the celebration events that are stressing him, probably you can't avoid the triggers either. Just try to show him that you acknowledge he's having tough time(like squeezing his hand under the table).

You can also make a deal or something, for him to handle going to Christmas etc. as well as he can...And then for the 2 of you, (with your child too may be) to go somewhere alone. Somewhere where you would have your own celebration. Like a spa. Or somewhere in the mountains to hike. Something that would be relaxing and calming. I have found it easier to go through something hard if I have something to look forward to.

For me some of the triggering things are: fireworks and noise, big gatherings when people talk a lot(but say very little because even though they are related they don't all know each other well), drink a lot, everything is loud and way too cheerful, and I "have to be in good mood". It makes me feel pressured, invisible, and out of control. And that is without counting additional holiday stress, like huge crowds in transport and everywhere, trying to both get to all events and do all your work and so on...It's all starting to feel chaotic, unneccessary and unhealthy.

Which would all be fine if it was one event, but during December I have at least 6-7 of those, so yeah...Not feeling great about that. I pushed one trip I have from December to January to make things a little easier, but even so there is way too much going on.

 

[Jogi]

We do our own thing for the holidays... we have a movie night on Christmas Eve. We all get new Xmas jammies and spend the night in. Christmas he gets a pass on the family gathering. He has combat trauma, but even being around extended family stresses him out at times. I never expect him to make family obligations.

We just celebrate at home with my kids. I fix a special meal and decorate, but it's in our safe space and relaxed for him.

New Year's Eve we avoid like the plague. We do not go out, we stay in.

Sometimes we'll wait until after the holidays and have a getaway to a nice hotel, just the two of us. That's our holiday celebration... without it being a holiday celebration.

 

[Urof]

I get the sense from your post that your sufferer is a vet. I've noticed mine plummets like clockwork every year around the holidays, and now I've finally just come to accept that this will inevitably happen every year. I encourage you to find your "new normal" that will help him feel safe while also honoring your desire to celebrate the holidays. Best of luck and a big hug if you'll receive it.

 

[Tapi]

Can you explain "new normal" to me?