News Church's Emphasis On Marriage

[PerfectlyFlawed]

Christians act as if virginity is the only thing that matters.

Growing up I thought that men would 'love' me and 'respect' me because I was a virgin. That was my ticket to marriage and a man. And that meant happiness.

I now know that I am so much more than a purity symbol. The Church fails to recognize women as individuals.
The gender stereotypes that they have hurt women.

 

[surviving_it_all]

I am not sure what this has to do with with PTSD.

Anyhow, it is an institution. Institutions only flourish with strict rules. Those rules hurt some, but they greatly benefit others. I grew up in the "church". I also am an agnostic. I believe some of the rules are great rules. The rule about men/women having to have their virginity is not one I endorse. Women do not have to be virgins before marriage. That is a crock. Some want to meet someone special. Who is more special than a spouse? I understand the concept of wanting someone special to share your bed.

My rape that occurred some years ago started the anxiety symptoms I now live with. Up until my rape, I was a virgin. I never even let a man touch me below my waist. It wasn't a symbol of purity. It wasn't a symbol of anything. It was a commitment I made to wait for someone special. I wasn't even asking for a husband. Maybe, someone who was my boyfriend or who at least cared enough to slow the hell down, maybe take me to dinner. Had I not been raped, I would have had sex later on that year. It was where I was at in my life.

Now, men scare me. The idea of them touching me scares me. As much as I want to sleep with just anyone, I can't. I never had sex. The only experience of sex in my brain was my rape. It is a thought distortion that tells me I could feel the same way I felt during my rape. I felt him sweating on my back. I felt every ugly minute of it when I gave up fighting against it. Now, I am definitely not a virgin, but I have never had sex. I am forced to wait for someone special. I have to wait for someone who will understand my fear and its roots.

I think its pretty lame to explain to a guy that you never had sex before. I try to just hide behind religiosity, but no one believes I am religious for too long. I simply don't believe in a heaven or hell nor do I believe in a God or a devil.

Again, I have no clue what this at all has to do with PTSD.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Maybe you're going to the wrong church.

I don't subscribe to much if what so-called Christians say is the "right" way or whatever.

The "purity" movement can be seen as revictimization on certain levels; inherently making those who aren't "pure" due to rape, incest, or molestation feel like nasty dirty little sluts all because of something beyond their control.

In addition, enforcing this notion of "purity" being holy also enforces the notion that sex is dirty. I already feel that way because of what happened to me as a child. I don't need some religious notion to enforce this idea.

 

[intothelight]

Again, I have no clue what this at all has to do with PTSD.

Agreed and that is why it has been moved to this section.

 

[HëllaBubz]

This topic gives me an eye twitch on the best of days. Right now I'm glaring at the screen.

I think I'll leave this one be for now, I can't even think about responding to it because I'm so pissed.

Let's just say that there is bullshit everywhere, but it's most concentrated in religious areas.

 

[PerfectlyFlawed]

I meant to say it is affecting my PTSD. I had a flashback and left the forum.

I don't know how to live with people wanting me to go to church when I was a virgin when my abuser took my virginity and gave me herpes.

A woman at my church said the only way that I can experience healthy sex is through marriage. She said this with a SMILE. It scared me!

And I am so confused and scared because 1 in 7 women are raped even in marriage.

 

[intothelight]

Rape is not sex. Rape is about control, pain, hurt, humiliation and so many bad things I cannot name them.

Sex is an act shared, between consenting people, for whatever reason they chose. Whether it be for love, affection, intimacy, pleasure, release, etc.,, it is very individual and very personal. Organized religion has its own set of values for what sex is and is not, but whether or not someone chooses to adopt those values or beliefs, it is entirely up to them.

Rape is not sex.

 

[surviving_it_all]

Now, we are off the topic of religion onto the topic of rape.

Rape is not sex. Rape is about control, pain, hurt, humiliation and so many bad things I cannot name them.

We can know something but feel differently. Imagine your first experience as an adult of being that close to an individual being forced upon you. If you truly empathize, you could understand how the lines of rape and sex are easily blurred in a victim's mind. I know I sought out people who felt it was my fault. I wasn't irate when someone implied it was my fault. I somehow sometimes think it was.

 

[HëllaBubz]

at my church

Simple. Leave.

 

[saffy]

HI Perfectly flawed.

I now know that I am so much more than a purity symbol

I also think that how the church portrays the perfect wedding, family and unity of man and women is based on the purity that Christ and God wanted to see as a basis for happiness and godliness. The man must cherish the women, the women be just for that man.

When you look at this it would solve a lot of problems with some of the sins they also speak of. Envy, lust, anger or pride and you could add in jealousy, adultery and many other negative choice behaviours we have been equipped with that will end you pure mind.

However, back in the real world, such purity of mind and body is hard to achieve. Being a virgin might bring you happiness but only if the receiver of benefit treats it with the dignity and love it deserves.

In a pure innocent world it would be easy but our world is far from godly and the choices given to many have been abused.

It makes it hard work to remain pure in body and mind continuously and attract only those who think and behave the same. IF everyone did then the world would be a better place, but unfortunately the real world is far from the teachings of god or any other spiritual deity.

JMHO :)

best wishes
Saffy

 

[Blondie362]

In the original post it was quoted" the church fails to recognise women as individuals"
Most churches/religions fail to recognise anything that doesn't conform to their own belief..period.

 

[PerfectlyFlawed]

Thank you for all your replies! I am wrestling with this terribly