Medical Collapsed lung, and wondering if i have ptsd

[fishstick123]

I'm new too forums in general, but I need answers and I'm hoping someone can help me.

So awhile back, when I was 15, I had chest surgery too correct a abnormality in my chest cavity, as the doctors were worried that it could touch my heart, and cause problems. The doctors insisted that we wait till I get older too go though with the surgery, but my mom didn't want that, as she wanted it done before I entered High School (Summer before Freshmen year).

In Middle School, my Gym Teacher was informed, and so were my family. My family, I'm sure of, told quit a few people, as I would have people come up too me and ask me if I was going too die, which I probably wasn't going too. My mother restricted me from going too events due too worry about me hurting myself due too my 'Issue'.

So the surgery happens, and it went well. I had a follow up surgery too remove the metal from my chest in about a year. During the recovery, I was in quit a bit of pain. My family had a tendency too punch me lightly in the chest, for whatever reason. On July 4th. 2015, I noticed that my breathing was very heavy. I went too Walmart with my family too get grocery, and since I could not even walk across the parking lot without gasping for breath, I decided too wait in the entrance on the bench and just people watch as I tried too control my breathing. Finally my family came back out, and this time it was even harder too walk too the car. The car ride from Walmart back home is about 1 hour and 30 minutes, so its a long haul. Finally I get home, and my breathing is getting worse. My mom decided too go too the casino. At this point, I could not walk down the hall without having a panic attack and having that feeling that I couldn't breath. I called my mom and told her I needed too go too the hospital. She said "It's just part of your surgery". I told her "No, it's not, I need too go in". Finally she got home and we went too the hospital. I was hooked up too a oxygen tank thing, and my blood pressure was very high. I had a lot of anxiety, and was given some medicine too help me calm down. The nurses were having trouble getting a ambulance, and I was stuck in the hospital for awhile. I feel asleep, and woke up in an ambulance. I ripped of my air mask, and started gasping for breath. The nurse put it back on and I feel asleep again. I remember kinda of drifting in and out of consciousness when I was being flown out too a different hospital. I woke up again too a doctor in front of me as I spit up a lob of blood. He told me too relax and I feel asleep again. Finally after being unconscious for 2 weeks, I wake up in ICU and the proceeded too take the tube out of my lung.

I could go, but I'd rather not talk about EVERYTHING that happened, as I was in the hospital for a total of 3 weeks. My mother was by my side the entire time, and witnessed more than I did. What bothers me the most is the way that I felt about the entire incident, which bothers me the most. I smoke heavily at the age of 20, and have Anxiety and Depression that I am working through with a Therapist, but the thought of PTSD is looming and I'm not really sure if it is the cause of why I am acting in the way that I am.

I'm very worried if I have PTSD, or C-PTSD from intense Childhood abuse, and as I am too worried too ask my therapist about it, I was hoping I can start here, anonymously.

 

[WishfulThinking123]

Hi! I'm sorry that you went through the traumatic hospital stay/breathing issues. However, I cant really help you in figuring out the likelihood of you having PTSD because all you stated was the past event and traumatic events affect everyone differently. Two people for example could be in a abusive relationship with same intensity and only one of them develop PTSD. In order to give you any advice on the matter I would need more information then just "I'm not really sure if that's the cause of why I am acting the way I am." I want to help :) If you could please provide some current behaviors that cause you to think you may have PTSD.

 

[hodge]

Welcome, Fishstick. I am so sorry for what you've gone through. It sounds horrible.

This might not be what you want to hear, but I really encourage you to talk to your therapist about all this. If you trust him or her, it should be okay. And the sooner you know, the sooner you can learn how best to deal with it, whatever it is. In my experience the only thing worse than having PTSD or CPTSD is not knowing you have it and not knowing how to learn to deal with the symptoms.

:hug:

 

[futurefocussed]

There's a couple of points here

1. None of us are medical professionals and this is purely based upon what we know and our own experience. This should not be taken in replace of a medical professional.

2. I get what you mean by doing your own investigation first, I did the same thing with other conditions (PTSD never even crossed my mind before I was diagnosed last year)

3. Invalidation can be part of abuse and that's what it sounds like to me, I wasn't there, so I can't be certain what happened entirely or the emotions that you experienced, this image helped me understand http://orig03.deviantart.net/62e6/f/2014/006/8/6/big_t_and_little_t_trauma_by_didisreal-d7169g7.jpg

I'm glad you found us, there are also a lot of undiagnosed people here who have found this forum helpful.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

Don't be afraid to bring it up with your therapist, they can do the assessment. Have you been reliving flashbacks of the event? What makes you question whether it is ptsd?

 

[fishstick123]

I remember quit a bit from when I was in the hospital, but I felt like I reacted in the wrong way too it. My mother used too make me show people my deformity in my chest, and it felt like she only did it too get attention. I do a lot of research on PTSD. I do have memory's of the events, but I push them away because I feel like I'm just making myself remember the event too gain sympathy with myself, and invoke a reaction with myself. I am always on alert, and frequently zone out at work. I can never stop thinking either. My family also does remember the event, and I get very angry when they bring it up. As I normally don't like too talk about it because of the way I felt when it was happening. It's getting too the point were I doubt myself too extremes.

 

[hodge]

If your therapist has been compassionate toward you so far, I think you should let them in on all this. This is too much to handle alone.

 

[WishfulThinking123]

@fishstick123 I agree with hodge, you should really speak through this with your T. Either way before realizing I had PTSD trauma came up in T and my T thought it would be good to go through a PTSD workbook then as time went on she was convinced I had PTSD. My point is: The PTSD workbook is a good way to work through traumatic events whether or not you have PTSD.

 

[fishstick123]

I struggle with communication, and have a Social Phobia, which makes it very hard too talk too my therapist about anything. Any suggestions about how would I go about bringing it up?

 

[hodge]

What about writing it out and emailing it to them before your next session? That's worked for me and lots of people.

 

[WishfulThinking123]

Yes, I have written down things in my journal and I've given it to her to read at the beginning of the session.

 

[fishstick123]

Too be honest, I don't even know why I think I have PTSD. I guess the best way too put it is I can't tell if what happened too me was traumatic or not. During the event, I felt surprisingly calm, even a bit happy. Now that I'm older, I'm not sure how too feel about it. I feel like I have a loss of identity, and struggle with denial. I have a million different questions too ask, but never know were too start. When I got out of the hospital, I noticed that I never was angry. On rare events, I would explode with anger. I always prevent myself from getting angry, and bottle it up so people wont see that side of me.