Combat pstd bf isolation behavior

[Dimi]

Hi guys. Read the PTSD stress cup post. Best piece of information around.

A relationship is stress. Best of luck!

 

[Omer]

Hi Dimi, thank you. I have read about the stress cup. Several times, lol. It is great info. It does help to understand things, for sure.

 

[Halel]

The name change is because this is the anonymous section.

 

[Hezeza]

Funny, I was just talking myself out of feeling like I'm to blame when this message popped up. I don't know what your who...

Thank you Omer for this because I’m also wondering. I do know however that I sent him a very blaming and destructive email weeks ago which is an excuse for his blocking and avoiding behavior. However, it’s been a month since we last saw each other and a week since he’s answered my text stating, “ Thanks but I need more time. Thank u for your concern but I’m not ready to talk or see u. My apologies. All is forgiven”. So I have to take that personally because it’s based on something I did. However, I notice him slipping away before the email was sent, so I know that he’s using the email as an excuse to stay away. At this point, I’m just hanging in there to repair the friendship more than reconcile the relationship. We were friends for a number of years before we started dating. I’m completely lost at this point.

 

[Omer]

Hezeza it sounds like you are doing all you can at this point. You have taken responsibility and are trying to make amends for your actions. That's all you can do. It does sound like he just needs more time to heal. I would leave him be to do that and let him come to you when he's ready if you are not already doing that.

 

[Ehipu]

Hezeza it sounds like you are doing all you can at this point. You have taken responsibility and are trying to make amend...

I’m B.J. btw. It came up as Hezeza

 

[Omer]

Oh yes, in the anonymous forum it changes the name to protect the innocent. :D

 

[Dimi]

He answered all your questions.


He needs more time
He's not ready to see or talk to you
He even thanked you for your concern

He probably felt he was hurting you.
Then you sent a nasty email telling him how you're mad and hurting.

You confirmed his fears.

Time to give him the space he's asked for.

 

[Omer]

Man I come on here sometimes and I think supporters are hardest on other supporters. Aren't we all here for support?

 

[Elusi]

Do you want somebody to lie to you and tell you that he's definitely coming back, that it's just a little PTSD spell and he'll be Prince Charming again in 2 weeks?

It doesn't work that way.

There are two types of supporters on the forum.... There are long term supporters who have been with their partners for years. They have learned the reality of living with a partner who has a mental illness. They know love isn't going to fix it. Then there are newbies who join because their newish partner is symptomatic for the first time or broke up with them and they are confused. Most of the "isolating" partners don't come back.

We have had supporters on this forum hang on for years waiting for an "isolating" partner to come back because they aren't accepting a break up. It's heartbreaking.

PTSD relationships can be hellish.

 

[Avob]

I’m 90 percent certain Elusi poked their head in from the sufferer section. Supporters on here know better than to respond in this kind. Plus, it’s not true that “most” isolating partners don’t come back. If that were true it wouldn’t be isolation, it’d be a breakup. Isolation is more gray zoned than that. What’s important when a partner isolates is the flavor of the communication. All they can say is it’s not you, i need a little time for myself. Strong relationships allow for that, but only if the supporter can assert some boundaries as well, meaning length of time without communication etc.

My SO and I have a pretty good setup by now. When he isolates i ask him to send me a message a day, about 1 thing he is grateful for that day. That way I know he’s alive, it’s got nothing to do with me AND he’s forced to think of at least one positive a day.

It seems like you’re in a situation where he just made off and left you hanging. That’s unfair, even for PTSD isolation situations. Is there a way you can assert some dos and don’ts with him? If he wants you to stick around, he’s going to have to meet you halfway.

 

[Abuh]

I’m 90 percent certain Elusi poked their head in from the sufferer section. Supporters on here know better than to resp...

Kudos to @Avob!! I love the eloquent way you explained the difference between isolating and a break up. It’s so refreshing that someone recognizes what supporters go through as well.