Combat Vets And Cheating.

[UnKnown-Self]

Damn! I HATE being the exception to the rule. It is a dubious distinction to be in the 'no fun blonde...

I thank you for the welcome Shimmerz! As dubious as it seems, it will have distinction. There is fun in the future for us both. Next time around we'll know who we are and have fun our own way. I imagine to be able to say, "I don't give a f*** what people think, I know who I am" and I feel it would be wonderfully fun and freeing. ......... I know I've carried this load long enough. :stop::p

 

[GailAV]

Some vets, not knowing where to turn for help or simply not wanting to get it, instead resort to more destructive ways of helping numb the pain-whether drugs, alcohol, or meaningless sex- even if it's just to forget it all for even a moment.

This makes perfect sense.

 

[shimmerz]

They try too, cant handle the pressure and then cheat???

Probably the flashbacks, nightmares/terrors, intrusive thoughts of past horrors come first though.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

Should have clarified combat vets w PTSD. It seems like there is a whole lot of stories about a partner...

Same answer as before.... Behavior has consequences...... If no real consequences ..... you can be pretty sure the behavior will continue and probably get worse.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Don't fall into the supporter trap of excusing all of their sufferers' bad behaviors as symptoms of PTSD. PTSD doesn't cause cheating. It may cause some self destructive tendencies or desires to escape reality, but it does not make them cheat. Ultimately a person still makes the decision to cheat. It is not beyond their control.

 

[GailAV]

I understand the PTSD doesn't cause the cheating. I was struggling to understand why cheating seemed to be common after a combat tour. caligirl03 connected the dots for me. The need to numb something, or just forget, if even just for a moment. I know its still not an excuse..

 

[caligirl03]

Glad I could help. And please understand that I by no means support condoning this type of behavior or justifying it in the name of PTSD. It's simply an explanation...not an excuse.

 

[Lunada1994]

Don't fall into the supporter trap of excusing all of their sufferers' bad behaviors as symptoms of P...

Sorry but we can't accept some behaviors like alcohol or drug abuse as dysfunctional coping mechanisms for PTSD and not accept the ones we don't like: cheating or serial f*cking. PTSD changes your brain in fundamental ways and lump a TBI in there and you have ways of coping that are destructive and damaging...including cheating.

I don't get why other unhealthy behaviors are accepted but this is dismissed as someone being an asshole. Just because your vet doesn't cheat or despises that horrible behavior, doesn't mean it's not a coping mechanism.

 

[Sweetpea76]

I don't accept alcohol abuse, physical abuse, cheating, lying, stealing, or other coping mechanisms that violate my boundaries either. f*ck that.

You can't help symptoms... You can help how you chose to deal with them.

If somebody is trying to excuse cheating with PTSD they're blowing smoke up your ass.

 

[anthony]

But if the ones that do cheat blame it on something (anything) except themselves

Yes, adults are responsible for their actions, though that does not change that an underlying reason may be helping their decision along. It isn't to blame something else, but more like a legal stance, where mitigating circumstances are present. I think @caligirl03 has many facets quite accurate, with the exception I would not underly combat vet as opposed to the more accurate reason of PTSD (mental health):

lacking healthy coping skills after all they've experienced

not knowing where to turn for help or simply not wanting to get it, instead resort to more destructive ways of helping numb the pain-whether drugs, alcohol, or meaningless sex- even if it's just to forget it all for even a moment.

There is another facet not mentioned here, and that is that PTSD sufferers, period, feel a range of negative emotion towards current partners where those emotions are based on basically failing them, especially those where the relationship was pre-PTSD and then PTSD came along. One method is for them to cheat on their partner as a failsafe method to exit the relationship and no longer harbour the guilt, remorse, that they have convinced themselves off, or may be quite realistic based on things the partner says to them (comparing pre and present relationship status), and provide them some relief that they're doing the right thing for their partners overall longevity by getting away from them.

Its basically a moralistic underlying belief, performed in a hurtful, abusive, un-moralistic manner. They believe they're doing the best thing for the person they love, by finding something to distance themselves from their partner with, ensuring they won't take them back.

There is quite a psychological manner in all of this, which is often found by psychologists treating the problem.

 

[EveHarrington]

Sorry but we can't accept some behaviors like alcohol or drug abuse as dysfunctional coping mechanisms for PTSD and...

I don't see where drinking/drugging is accepted?

In the end, drinking/drugging/cheating is all a choice. Coping mechanisms, yes----but still a choice.

 

[shimmerz]

It seems like there is a whole lot of stories about a partner who is suffering from PTSD starting an affair of some sort.

Where are you getting these 'stories' from? I would love to hear your sources for making such a blanket statement. I actually find the generalization you are putting out in this posting an insult.

I was cheated on by both of my husbands (and I have the PTSD). Does that mean all husbands are cheaters?