News Coming Out - Debate

[ms spock]

Wow I am so happy that people knocked on your door Oberons Wife and wanted to make your gate stronger and more secure. I am pleased for you.

The family thing is so hard. It is for very difficult to reconcile those you thought might be those that speak the language of your heart or even behave with basic decency and care towards you when they don't. You lose your place and how you saw the world tilts a bit.

ms spock

<It is not necessary to quote the post directly above your reply Ms Spock. Thanks Amethist>

 

[Girl3]

I lost my boyfriend in college when I told him about being gang-raped. He left and never came back.
I lost my best friend when I told her that her boyfriend was the one who organized my rape. She never spoke to me again.

I've been turned down for life insurance because of my previous history of depression. When I most recently applied for life insurance I was told that I am essentially uninsurable, having a history of PTSD and previously being denied life insurance. I am the sole provider for my family.

Even my psychiatrist tells me not to discuss or list my PTSD because state licensing boards look askance at that when you are a physician.

I really don't want to discuss being raped and sodomized by my brother over a seven year period with anyone.

Maybe I am a coward.

 

[Oberons Wife]

How many times are we expected to take the abuse and carry on as normal?
How many times are we supposed to trust friends with information about how life is for us only to be betrayed?
I try to tell men about my history very early on in a prospective relationship, most turn and scoot.
Some rant (frightening).
Many just fall into silence and can't find any words. That I don't mind. But that they can't find the compassion to hold your hand, hold you. Do we suddenly become repulsive to them?

So no you're certainly not a coward. You are resourceful, resilient, caring, intelligent. and deserve to have someone hold you when you need to be held.

 

[ms spock]

My psychiatrist advised me not to list my ptsd or meds on a field trip because nothing they could give me would effect me. The lecturer was known for hassling students with a disability.

ms spock

 

[Deaf Global Nomad]

Having multiple obvious disabilities, it is impossible for me to hide any of them. That includes my PTSD. My startle response is so extreme that people pick up on it immediately. For most people the diagnosis of PTSD suffices.

Closer friends usually want more info, not out of nosiness, but because they care. I'm pretty open and don't have anything to hide. However, I also do not want to scare people. Usually a simple general sentence suffices. Then they understand my terror of touch.

Medical professional in the ER rarely care about anything other than treat and release me. They won't listen to very important diagnoses, essential for treating me. Being Deaf, having no balance, and having PTSD makes treatment rather difficult. They often just write it up as "the patient was being rather uncooperative." So in the meantime I just go with someone so my rights aren't trampled on and the visit does not become traumatic.

The only person who knows the details is my therapist. After almost a year we're just touching on more and more of my history. She learned the most important pieces early on: It started as a young age and continued throughout my teens. It involved every type of abuse (i.e. physical, emotional, sexual, neglect, and medical).

The medical abuse still happens regularly, even if I bring a supporter along. Luckily I have a great family practice doctor, a great psychiatrist, and a wonderful therapist. As I always have a witness, there's no question as to what happened.

 

[bluemoon]

I gave my employer a GP certificate. Stating I am actively being treated for PTSD and clinical depression. I think that it has placed my employment in jeopardy...d'oh:cry:

 

[ms spock]

Oh I hope not bluemoon,

Write down everything that happens and is said to you. It is unlawful and illegal behaviour to discriminate against some one with a disability. What resources are available for you to cover yourself?

ms spock

 

[Abrasky]

I have had the experience of telling everyone in my old uni social network of people in my past and external family that I was sexually abused and have PTSD. I guess that is a bit of advocacy.
I haven't told anyone in my current network though, as I feel I am not ready, and I need that support network to do my current job.I don't want to destroy that.
I think I've divided people up in the world, many people have experienced pain in some way and just don't want you to add to it anymore. My mil experienced abuse and thinks the sun shines out of her father. My fil experienced physical abuse with being whipped with a chain and has severe depression. My sister experienced emotional abuse, but has limitied empathy and tells me to "get over it" I am not letting her talk to her wonderful father who has changed according to her. Apparently she says I am not worth knowing, she was only pretending to be nice to me so she could see my son. My sil tells me not to talk to her because she is weak. Until the sun shines less out of these places, I will keep my story to myself, is what I have learned. Except I think the police should be an exception to this for myself.

 

[ms spock]

Good to assess the situation Maze and realistically look at what is on offer.

The police sounds good. I would suggest taking your T or some one solid with you, if you feel it is appropriate.

I hope you are able to develop a solid network for yourself as time goes on.

A spade is a spade though and best to be aware of that rather than continually disappointed that people who haven't got it to give - don't give you want and what you need - as you deserve to get your needs and wants met.

ms spock

 

[PhilipH]

The more we who suffer, or have suffered, from PTSD come out of the closet and let others know what we go through/have gone through the better, in my opinion. This is not to say it's the first thing I tell every new person I meet, but I make it a point not to keep it a dirty little secret. There's no shame in having suffered in your life, and therefore no reason to keep it secret.

 

[bluemoon]

The decision to inform others cannot be taken back.

Perhaps the best course of action is to tread lightly.

Good luck all:tup:

 

[Girl3]

Bluemoon, your words are quite wise.

Society also seems to have the ability to deal with stranger-perpetrated-violence much better than family-perpetrated, and physical violence better than incest.

Also, so many people still harbor the idea that we somehow caused our traumas (which mentally protects them because if violence is random then they are susceptible whereas if 'we' somehow caused our trauma then they are not susceptible.) Two of my traumas included physical assault by strangers - and nearly every time I have discussed this with people they ask a series of questions like: was it late at night, what were you doing/wearing, did you fight back, etc. All implying that something triggered the assaults. Of course, when they find out I was on college campus, daytime, dressed in regular clothing (jeans, sweatshirt, raincoat, old sneakers, no pocketbook, no jewelry) - they get uptight.

I don't talk to anyone about the incest except my psychiatrist. When my current husband found out the resultant horror was/is more than I can bear. Even my psychologist with whom I had been working for a year was visibly unnerved when I was forced to confront the issue because of my husband.