Relationship Communication Issues.

[sthrngirl]

I spend every weekend with my boyfriend who has PTSD. The only communication we have besides in person on weekends, is very little texting and back and forth on Facebook (very rare on my end when it comes to facebook).

Some times we will go a few days without talking, that I don't understand. How is he fine without hearing from me and me not hearing from him drives me crazy? As a supporter that is just one thing I don't get. I don't want to be selfish but I would like to at least hear from him to make sure he is okay.

Am I reading to far into this? He mentions me moving in, I have a key to his house, he mentions me moving with him if and when he decides to do so-- yet we rarely talk unless I'm physically with him. I just don't think that is something I could ever get use to.

Anyone have any advice? Thanks in advance!

 

[arfie]

Not all PTSD sufferers are strong, silent types. I would be one of the ones who can't seem to shut up. When I am trying to deny symptoms, I often use noise to try to drown them out. !¡Seriously annoying to neighbors and roommates!

My advice would be to give the relationship time to grow strength and trust. Then ask him direct.

 

[mytai]

Honestly I was very much like your boyfriend when I was in a relationship with my boyfriend. I couldn't understand why he needed me to text him all the time. It just wasn't on my mind, not that he wasn't on my mind, or that I didn't care about him but texting him just wasn't on my mind as much as it was his. And like you it bothered him that I wouldn't communicate as much with him as he would with me. It wasn't because I didn't love him, it was just because texting wasn't important to me. I didn't need that to know he cared about me, but he needed it from me.

 

[sthrngirl]

Thanks guys! I guess my insecurities get the best of me and I automatically assume it's because he may be losing interest. I feel that that is something I hve to work on within myself. (I also suffer from depression and am medicated and seeking the help I need, he motivates me to get better even tho he chooses not to be medicated).

 

[kahlan]

Its rough being on the supporter end of silence :/ especially when you have issues yourself (disthymia and anxiety here) Work on you and do things you enjoy...it helps :)

 

[Deleted member 1860]

It may not be PTSD. Some guys just don't take to technology. And by technology I mean ancient technology like the telephone which was invented eons ago! But all kidding aside, if he wasn't into you, I don't think he'd mention moving in. I advise accepting this as a quirk of his, nothing more.

 

[Purplemunchkin]

I agree with the others, my ex didn't have PTSD and I would rarely hear from him when we weren't together.

My fiance does have PTSD and I've had to convince him to text me less often as he would text me a lot when I was at work.

Somewhere in the middle would be great for me!

Different people, different views, different attitudes.

 

[jmm214407]

I can tell you that if it is PTSD the reason for not texting you is because sometimes to much of the phone going off can turn into a severe irritation. But if he cares he'll suck it up. But after awhile he'll shut down. Also I have PTSD and I'm on the flip side of things... but stay strong. Cause un the end he's going to need you more than ever

 

[Gingerly]

My ex PTSD Sufferer called me every day in the beginning of our relationship. We only saw each other on weekends. Somehow it turned around (I don't remember when or why) and I was calling him every evening and on my lunch hour as well. We continued with this routine (for 4 years) until the relationship ended 2 1/2 months ago. He did not place phone calls or texts to anyone; not me, not his closest friends, not his brother. Everyone had to call him. I never understood this and when asked, he would simply reply, "You know I don't call anyone. If someone wants me, they'll call me". He waited for my calls every day. He liked the routine. He broke up with me, so he certainly isn't going to call me now.

 

[jmm214407]

Maybe you should call him. When we as people with PTSD are suffering from it, those are the times we need people and loved ones most. You can't abandon him. Help him. I wish my ex stayed to help me.

 

[sthrngirl]

The last time he went all MIA and quiet on me, I would contact him and he straight up said I was annoying him and to leave him alone. So, I did. Over a week later he contacted me like nothing ever happened. That was at the start of our relationship, so I have learned to not expect to hear from him much.

But the past few months, we had been talking at least once a day. He drains me at times, I am always the one going to him (we live an hour apart). I feel that he could at least contact me when I'm not there. But then when I think that, I feel that I am being selfish, but I know that isn't true, because I do so much for him. I just give him his space when I assume he wants it. I feel like I walk on eggshells because of his disability, but 90% of the time he acts completely normal and he is just one of those cocky outspoken men.

Anytime I bring up feelings, he will turn it into a joke, as to avoid the conversation. When he admitted to being happy with me ONE time recently, he said "I don't want to be cheesy." I don't see why he says things like that. I just feel like it is a mind game at times. Then when I am with him, all of that goes away and I am happy. I guess when I am alone with so much time to just think, my mind wanders to all of these things. It is frustrating. He has made so much progress, so I feel that this is just another thing we will get past. I am not trying to change him, I am just trying to get a better understanding so I don't have to worry myself. All easier said than done.

I know I have been a great girlfriend and supporter. He knows it too. He has said and acted ways that are unacceptable but I have had much patience with him throughout. I will continue to do so because I do love and care for him very much and I know he can get better. He will never be 100%, I know that. He is already much better than he was. He says I make him want to be better. That is how a significant other should make you feel. I feel like I am doing something right.

 

[jmm214407]

That sounds a lot like me. When my ex would want to talk about her feelings I'd crack jokes amd call her a cry baby. He still has a lot to learn and for both of your sakes I hope he does so the twp of you can be happy.

Keep showing him your there though.