Compassion for others but not oneself

[Suzetig]

That fits perfectly well for me @sun seeker, I know my issues around self esteem directly link to my sense that key caretakers weren't physically or emotionally available to me and instead were exceptionally abusive and neglectful. I wasn't worth their care or affection so how could I be worth anyone else's care and affection, inclusing my own.

 

[intheprocess]

Thanks all for your great posts; I am learning a lot. Major depression and PTSD are what I have, due to incest from baby to around age fifteen, stranger rape and several incidents of molestation. So with all of that I don't have a great esteem and I didn't get what I needed to develop normally. I believe it's my extended family how saved me; they are normal and we saw them a lot. So there was relief being out of the house. The pride thing- I don't think I am far enough in healing to make that my own belief. But I get what you are saying. I am too fragile right now. I think the greatest thing for me is to know there are so many who can show compassion to others but not oneself.

My counselor told me that depression is self-hatred.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

It took me a very long time to begin to realize that I was a victim of my parents as well as other abusers.

My inner critic hated and loathed me and I felt so much shame and guilt.

It took me many years to begin to do battle with the inner critic and have some compassion for myself but the efforts have paid off well and I am in a much better place in my life now.

There are still days when the inner critic raises its ugly head but I catch myself now and replace it with more realistic healing thoughts which help me.

It took me so many years to come to this point in my life so I wish you well on learning to have compassion on yourself. To hate and loathe oneself is very disableing is crippling to who you really are.

 

[intheprocess]

Thanks, Gizmo. The fact that you have progressed so far gives me hope. I found myself calling myself stupid, which is a new thing for me. I am aware of not having compassion for myself, but this is the first time that actual words come up. Weird.

 

[ccks]

I understand what you mean. Sometimes I have to remind myself I am worthy of being treated with kindness. I went through periods of not being kind to myself and wearing pajamas all day. I've been doing better to remember I was a child then who needed love and although I am an adult now I still deserving of compassion and love.

 

[sun seeker]

I just found this thread again after several months. Funny how much I had to say even though I wasn't able to apply it to myself!

Today I had a breakthrough. I am feeling compassion for myself, horror that the abuse happened to me and seeing how it messed up my life... and it wasn't my fault. I have never, ever felt this way before, and no amount of talking and reasoning could have gotten me there. It was a kind of energy work that did it for me. This is very new and stunning for me and will take some time to integrate, but I'm going to say to everyone working on this, keep trying new ways until something works. It's worth it.

 

[Tinyflame]

Good for you @sun seeker . :tup: :hug:

 

[Rumors]

For me it is because I feel like I don't deserve it.... Plain and simple. Why would anyone want to help me? I am not worthy of compassion. No way should I be nice to myself because I haven't done anything to deserve such care. Negative core beliefs drive my thinking. Not good...

 

[chuck]

Today in counseling I could see the innocence of victims but cannot apply it to myself. I was sayin...

I am a volunteer in nursing homes. I feel very depressed at the conditions of some and break down frequently because of my love and compassion for them.