B
barcellona
Hi there.
I am a 30 year old woman with CPTSD. After spending much of my teens and early 20s in hospitals or rehabs, I've gotten to a point where I can manage my experiences/trauma well enough that I have a relatively stable and "good" life, aside from romantic relationships. I've never had one, although I had a couple longer-term flirtations (both with men with trauma/mental illness backgrounds as well). I have intense anxiety around men who I feel may be interested in me, especially if I feel some interest in them as well. I am fine with men who are in relationships, or with whom there are only platonic feelings/vibes. When I've tried online dating, I haven't had problems talking (messaging) with a guy, until he asks me out at which point I have such strong anxiety that I often block them. I spent most of my life in various forms of talk therapy (CBT/DBT, MBT, etc.) and never was able to address this, and I'm not sure what to do because I desperately want a relationship. I was extremely alone in my life as a kid, and while I have great friends (mostly women, but some men), I do want a partner, and I really need to find a way to address this block in my life.
Any suggestions or similar experience, I'm really open to hearing!
Also, I think it's worth mentioning that I strongly believe this is more of an issue of anxiety regarding emotional vulnerability with men rather than physical intimacy. I have a long history of eating disorders (recovery is also relatively stable), and I do know that body-anxiety is an issue for me when considering physical intimacy...but still, I think if I was able to start a secure relationship I could overcome this.
I am a 30 year old woman with CPTSD. After spending much of my teens and early 20s in hospitals or rehabs, I've gotten to a point where I can manage my experiences/trauma well enough that I have a relatively stable and "good" life, aside from romantic relationships. I've never had one, although I had a couple longer-term flirtations (both with men with trauma/mental illness backgrounds as well). I have intense anxiety around men who I feel may be interested in me, especially if I feel some interest in them as well. I am fine with men who are in relationships, or with whom there are only platonic feelings/vibes. When I've tried online dating, I haven't had problems talking (messaging) with a guy, until he asks me out at which point I have such strong anxiety that I often block them. I spent most of my life in various forms of talk therapy (CBT/DBT, MBT, etc.) and never was able to address this, and I'm not sure what to do because I desperately want a relationship. I was extremely alone in my life as a kid, and while I have great friends (mostly women, but some men), I do want a partner, and I really need to find a way to address this block in my life.
Any suggestions or similar experience, I'm really open to hearing!
Also, I think it's worth mentioning that I strongly believe this is more of an issue of anxiety regarding emotional vulnerability with men rather than physical intimacy. I have a long history of eating disorders (recovery is also relatively stable), and I do know that body-anxiety is an issue for me when considering physical intimacy...but still, I think if I was able to start a secure relationship I could overcome this.