General Concern Over Not Speaking

[Nicolette]

I am happy to report I have heard a few words from Evie which is most pleasing.

 

[Kathy]

This morning Evie is able to speak as usual again, she was writing this morning too with little problem. Everything came out "normally" rather than fragmented and cryptic. We did push her yesterday to begin talking or at least typing, and she made an effort, so we are proud of her. She is not in a good mood today however. She cried a lot this morning, as she feels embarrassed about her lack of speech, or rather, that she tried to communicate with others outside the family and it didn't come out "normal". She was saying "I'm a freak" several times and feeling quite sorry for herself until Jim put a stop to it. She is now out with Jim. Frankly, he dragged her out of the house to help him repairs around our place. I don't think she's happy however she hasn't much choice!

 

[Linda]

Hope Evie will get better soon

 

[anthony]

Absolute best medicine to help Evie what you have both done.... well done to both you and Jim for taking such active stances and pushing Evie towards how to feel better within herself. Knowing as writing this the above worked extremely well and got Evie motivated and feeling much better about herself.

 

[Kathy]

Thank you Anthony, it is reassurring to get confirmation that we are acting appropriately with her. She is indeed much improved now, seems to have "snapped back" quite nicely. And she most definitely knows what she must do to get better. She simply didn't feel like doing it, that was very obvious to us yesterday morning!

I did want to stress to everyone, in case it is not clear - most of the time now, Evie pushes herself and my husband and I needn't do much. The occasions where we need to push as we recently did are becoming fewer and further between. Mostly now we simply encourage her in her efforts. She has made tremendous progress in the last few months and we are very proud of her.

 

[Frankie]

Good to hear Kathy ! You and Jim did the right thing in helping her and motivating her. And good for you also Evie for making the efforts you needed to make :)

Actually this is something I wonder about. My reasoning is this "When the person is suffering and goes deep in a depression state, isn't it better for their loved ones to try to push them out of this state ?" Since the sufferer doesn't want to do anything anymore, and can't think clearly for himself, isn't it up to us to slowly make them want to start "living" again ? instead of just waiting for them to come "out of it "? I always fear that just waiting could do more damage.

I often wonder about this, since I have read that at times it is better to leave them alone and not push ! I try to "push" my bf but always in a "good" way, I am never nasty with him and when he tells me "I can't talk about it" I let him be.

 

[Jen]

I believe if you can push them so to speak in a nice way it would probably help Frankie!
I am starting to feel that if I had pushed Hubby earlier on things may have been different. But we get caught up in our lives and try to live and put up with it.
If you are in an early relationship it probably wouldnt hurt?

 

[Kathy]

With Evie, Jim and I have found there are times (like the other day) when pushing her is beneficial, as she is simply being stubborn or not motivated to help herself, and needs a bit of coaxing or reminding. However, there are other times when she is truly ill and needs time to herself, rest and so on, and we do not push her then. Usually if she truly needs time to herself, she will ask for it, which is quite helpful to us. Other than her requests, we have learned through trial and error when it is right to push her and when it isn't. It is highly individual and one needs to be in tune with the habits and personality of their sufferer. It took us a year of living day to day with Evie and much honest communication, to reach the point which we now enjoy, whereby we typically know when to push and when not to.

 

[Frankie]

Jen, yes I am in a new relationship...14 wonderful months :) and we do talk a lot ! I ask him a lot of questions, and he calmly answers them, not always as soon as I ask..but he does say "I will answer you when I feel ready" and I respect him cause I always tell him "if you feel like talking" and "when you are ready"

I do push him sometimes, and so far, it has often given us good reasults, he even told me a few times " I needed that" but as Kathy says it is a very delicate situation and we have to know when to push and when to stay away. I am still learning with my bf :) We are always honest with each other, and I often tell him "I am sorry if I offended you, I am learning"

 

[Kathy]

Rather than begin a new thread, I decided I might simply continue here. Evie has had a couple of stressful days, learned some very hard truths about herself. Not to mention my son Colin is deploying in a few days, and I believe that is catching up with her. Additionally I was very unkind to her for much of last week, whilst I was stressed myself. Result being, she woke up not speaking this morning, and is now "crashing" quite badly. Jim tried to push her to go out with him, however she refused, so we thought it best to give her a bit of space. She is lying down now. However we do expect her to get dressed and get up for dinner tonight, and hopefully she will speak to us later on as well.

One thing Evie did that was quite positive however, she wordlessly handed over her car keys to her father. He did not ask for them, however we assume that means she was thinking of running off again and decided to remove the temptation. In any event, it is a positive step, as she is working very dilligently to not run off when upset.

 

[Jen]

That has to be a good move on Evies part Kathy? To hand her keys over is very responsible.
It seems like she just needs a bit of time out at times hey?

 

[Jim]

Yep I was proud of her for handing over the keys. And. She talked to me. Her problem was none of the above that Kathleen mentioned. Something entirely different. Glad she talked though. She is somewhat better now. Dad saves the day again. ;-)

Re: a bit of time out Jen, I am fine with it, but not for more than a few hours. After that, it's too long in my opinion. Longer she goes without talking or going, worse it gets. She gets bogged down.

Jim.