Conflict, Communication And Anxiety

[Seagreen]

I had an argument with my last night. Whenever we have any kind of disagreement I panic and end up being unable to say anything or I walk out. Our problems are rarely resolved and we both get frustrated by the same issues reoccurring. Last night was no different except that he was so exasperated he started to get angry and left. Now we are talking about having some time a part for a while which is probably a good idea at the moment. He will be here soon to talk about it but my heart is racing still from last night and I feel sick. At the moment I would rather let the issues slide than put myself through facing him. But I know we will just continue to end up right back here if I don't do something about it. Any suggestions on how I can deal with this better?

 

[Intrepid]

If my heart was racing still from last night I would know that there's something more going on then just an argument. I have an ex wife who I did the same thing with. We had some time apart, then didn't get back together.

Relationships are complicated. I wish you the best with yours. (Or with letting it go, if that's what needs to happen).

 

[Karen12]

If you're unable to say anything can you write down what you want to say?

 

[Seagreen]

Thanks for your words @Intrepid
You I can @Karen12 I will write him a letter.

 

[Recovery4Me]

((Seagreen))

Firstly, be gentle on yourself. Freezing is a way that at times, some autopilot to disconnect from the pain. Walking away is flight. There is as Intrepid gently offered something going on that is signalling to you through this coping function.

I found for me, the best way to reduce conflict and effectively communicate (which concurrently reduced my anxiety) was to improve my relationship with self by discovering who I was and my own boundaries. Sometimes it took me some work in therapy, sometimes I had an light bulb moment but healing is a journey that takes time. Such a journey, can not always be rushed to accommodate another because your healing is for you.

Wishing you the best.

 

[Seagreen]

Thanks Recovery4me for your insight. I am slowly learning to form boundaries although its not easy but getting better at it. I'm not sure who I am yet, that will come in time I guess.