Childhood Confused about Sexual abuse

[ppippi]

If a father masturbates in front of his 3 yo daughter is that considered sexual abuse or harassment? Is it harmful if it only happens once?Or if the dad is really loving and warm, while masturbating!?

If it is harmful, how so? How does it manifest itself later on in her life?

 

[Kubash16]

How trauma manifests later on is very individual, every person is different. But yes, that was abuse. Any contact, even just visual, that an adult has with a minor that is for the adults sexual gratification is abuse.

 

[EveHarrington]

Yes, it is abuse.

Exposing children to sexual behaviors is indeed abuse.

Sexualizing a child can indeed be harmful.

 

[ppippi]

How trauma manifests later on is very individual, every person is different. But yes, that was abuse. Any contact, even just visual, that an adult has with a minor that is for the adults sexual gratification is abuse.

What are some examples? Can a single time incident cause you sexual problems later on?

Yes, it is abuse.

Exposing children to sexual behaviors is indeed abuse.

Sexualizing a child can indeed be harmful.

Why is it abuse?

 

[Kubash16]

Yes it can, examples are hard though because it’s such an individual thing. Frequency or duration don’t always correlate with difficulties later on. Try not to compare traumas, it’s a bad road to go down.

 

[Friday]

I’d say it depends on the context.

Anthropologically speaking countless cultures across the world have had kids very much aware of adult sex lives... because families all slept in the same room, or even several families in the same space. This is both historical and present day. Nope. These cultures aren’t full of damaged or traumatised people, simply because they witnessed sexual activity from an early age.

Closer to home, if you live in the West it would be the extremely rare child who never walked in on their parents having sex at least once. Again, nope. The entire western world isn’t f*cked in the head from having witnessed a sex act, at least once, in their childhood.

^^^
The similarity between these 2 situations? NEITHER of them is attempting to bring a child into the sex act. There’s an inherent seperation/distance in both(all) cultures.

Conversely?

Yes. Even one time can very much be sexual abuse, and even one time of being sexually abused can be incredibly damaging.

What’s the difference between the 2? The attempt to bring the child into the sex act, sexualising a child.

It can be a difficult thing to differentiate on paper. It’s like kissing. Is kissing innately sexual? No. People cheek kiss hello, kiss their kids, kiss friends, kiss goodbye... in addition to the entire range of casually romantic to panty dropping, f*ck me now kisses. What determines the meaning of the kiss, is the context. Ditto, what would determine whether witnessing someone masturbating is sexually abusive or not, is the context.

 

[ppippi]

I’d say it depends on the context.

Anthropologically speaking countless cultures across the world have had kids very much aware of adult sex lives... because families all slept in the same room, or even several families in the same space. This is both historical and present day. Nope. These cultures aren’t full of damaged or traumatised people, simply because they witnessed sexual activity from an early age.

Closer to home, if you live in the West it would be the extremely rare child who never walked in on their parents having sex at least once. Again, nope. The entire western world isn’t f*cked in the head from having witnessed a sex act, at least once, in their childhood.

^^^
The similarity between these 2 situations? NEITHER of them is attempting to bring a child into the sex act. There’s an inherent seperation/distance in both(all) cultures.

Conversely?

Yes. Even one time can very much be sexual abuse, and even one time of being sexually abused can be incredibly damaging.

What’s the difference between the 2? The attempt to bring the child into the sex act, sexualising a child.

It can be a difficult thing to differentiate on paper. It’s like kissing. Is kissing innately sexual? No. People cheek kiss hello, kiss their kids, kiss friends, kiss goodbye... in addition to the entire range of casually romantic to panty dropping, f*ck me now kisses. What determines the meaning of the kiss, is the context. Ditto, what would determine whether witnessing someone masturbating is sexually abusive or not, is the context.

I know that it can be damaging and it's wrong on an intellectual level. But I don't understand it in a deep level bc it feels normal to me. What about about it is damaging? What are the mechanics behind it that make it damaging.

 

[EveHarrington]

Did it damage you?

This is the most important thing to answer.

If no, questioning it deeper can just turn into a mindfck

 

[Kubash16]

I don’t know the specifics of how our brain works behind it. But if it’s still bugging you years after the fact? It’s worth talking about in counseling.

 

[TruthSeeker]

If a father masturbates in front of his 3 yo daughter is that considered sexual abuse or harassment? Is it harmful if it only happens once?Or if the dad is really loving and warm, while masturbating!?

If it is harmful, how so? How does it manifest itself later on in her life?

Okay- first reaction: ewe- gross-yeah no- fking immature. Masturbation is intentional-not an accident. If he didn’t stop immediately when you came in the room- not an accident. If he finished- it was intentional. Masturbation is a private thing-not appropriate to teach children. It is illegal in public. When children watch that sort of stuff parents do there are NO personal boundaries and it becomes normal. Right and wrong become gray. Children are taught that it is normal to watch daddy “play” w himself. If it is normal- it is not wrong. 3 year olds don’t have a moral self yet- easily pliable. When Daddy is happy and smiling- the child related in the same way-kid is happy, too. Daddy is playing a fun game and he is happy-and really nice and loving.

@Pippi427 said: “If the dad is loving and warm while it happens? “ Makes me cringe thinking about that. No man would be getting off w his child if he wasn’t unbalanced. That is boundary crossing and might very well be “preening” for later more participatory abuse. Keep in mind, this is my gut reaction and is just my opinion.

 

[ppippi]

Did it damage you?

This is the most important thing to answer.

If no, questioning it deeper can just turn into a mindfck

I don't know. How CN I tell if it damaged me or not

 

[Gs172003]

Was this the only incident? Then I would say it probably wasn't abuse. If he did it routinely? Then probably.