General Confused And Heartbroken

[meemersred]

You're doing the right thing by researching and seeking out. It shows that you really do care about him! Kudos to you. That's the first thing I did when I realized that my vet had ptsd.


Edit- Also, this forum really helps! Everyone is extremely uplifting and full of wonderful info. Using this as an outlet helps us supporters too!

Thanks! This forum has been amazing so far. He knows that I am on a PTSD forum and he knows that I've been doing research. He actually has a therapy appt at the VA today because he knew that he hasn't been maintaining his PTSD very well. I think that the hardest thing about this is that we spent every waking moment together before this episode started, and now he's just gone...that's the thing that is causing me so much pain, especially since for the last three years I haven't been in a relationship so I could work on myself. (What luck I have?!?!) And I'm having an enormous amount of anxiety about if he is ever going to want to spend time with me again. Thanks so much for replying to me, it is really helping!!!

 

[meemersred]

Second edit! (sorry!!)- I also wonder- is he in treatment? seeing a therapist?

He is in treatment. Before he met me he had been seeing a therapist regularly for 2 years and really had a good handle on it. I was aware that he had PTSD when we got together but thought he had a handle on it, and I really had no clue what it was that I was dealing with. I was in the Army for 5 years and saw friends come back with the same empty look that has flooded his eyes in the last month, but never once did I read up on PTSD. He was very aware that he was starting to experience an episode but I think that we were both in denial. I just sincerely hope that it's not too late for us. I am so anxious to see if the therapy session he has today starts to help.

 

[xlivingdeadgirl]

That's very good that he's going to VA. At least he isn't denying that he needs treatment. I understand your anxiety. I have a lot of that myself!!

I hope that you find some peace and that everything works out for you. Keep us updated!

 

[meemersred]

So... It's been a month and a half since all of this started. He has pretty much cut me off completely... A text here and there, responding to my texts. I think I did everything wrong that I could've possibly done, ie: not give him enough space, always texting to see if he was doing ok, writing him a letter of how much I loved him. He's deleted me from every aspect of his life, FB and the stupid little app games we played together. He and I met on a dating site and I've seen that he's created a new profile on it. (Just saw that last night). I'm in complete shock that he would ever do this, especially since he's been telling me that he wanted me to wait - which is what I've been doing. Is this who he truly was the whole time? How could I be so very foolish?

 

[discarded]

Don't be so down on yourself. You are not foolish. He is the fool and should not have treated you this way. It is really hard to to get to know the real person when PTSD is involved. I was married for 28 years and recently left as I realised I no longer knew my husband at all. PTSD had changed him, he did unspeakable things that he assumed I would never know about. Unfortunately, like you, I felt like a fool when I discovered all of it had been going on behind my back in my own home. (Internet stuff). I think i actually felt more humiliated than anything else.

If I were you I wouldn't be wasting any more time chasing him. He needs to prove to you that you are worth something.

 

[Venusian]

Some people are just asses, PTSD or not. (I am talking about the boyfriend just in case anyone misinterprets my meaning)

It is wonderful that you cared enough to do research into PTSD and it shows a lot of your character. Him putting another profile on a dating site just shows a lot more about his. That has nothing to do with PTSD, hence my opening sentence.

I am sorry you are hurting. (((Hugs))) if you will accept it.

 

[meemersred]

I wouldn't be wasting any more time chasing him. He needs to prove to you that you are worth something.

Thank you Discarded! I'm trying not to waste any more time on this. But it's difficult because I feel like I made things worse recently. I've just been a mess 'waiting', and I mean a mess... Anxiety, anxiety, anxiety. I just started seeing a therapist myself. This blow of him on the dating site has been rough, and I don't understand why I still feel that he's going to be honest when I know the call will never come. But I did delete his number last night, so that's a step I guess.

 

[meemersred]

I am sorry you are hurting. (((Hugs))) if you will accept it.

I'll definitely accept that hug! Lord knows I need it!! And I'm glad you all telling me that him being an ass isn't the PTSD. Weird, but it makes it a little easier!

 

[meemersred]

So I work nights and it's when I get home and get in to bed that the sadness sinks in. I just don't understand why or how someone could lead a person along for 6 weeks and have them just sitting in limbo. Question is, do I confront him as I so desperately want to? Or do I just leave it alone because now I know the truth?

 

[nursenurse]

There's the rub. My situation is almost a carbon of yours, except he disappeared suddenly 25 days ago, has cut himself off from everyone, not just me. I was away for work at the time, so I was forced to do nothing but wait, which is the consensus here of what to do. Now I am home, and it is all I can do to not pay him a visit. In my mind, it would be just to see if he is alive, but in reality, I would confront, and that's not good at the moment.

So, am I going to wait for him? Well, if he wants to be a part of my life, he'll have to contact me. I have also entertained the thought that he may be one of those asses. I mean, who declares their love, offers you their heart and, I quote "My word as a man." and just brushes someone off in the blink of an eye. Ptsd, or ass, I deserve an explanation. One that I might not get. So I move on for now.

Right now I think all the time about him when I am alone. And we are so great about pinning the blame on ourselves. But you did nothing wrong, even if by your research you felt you did everything wrong.

My advice? Leave him alone. You won't like the answer he would give anyway. He's drawn his line in the sand, by going back on the dating site. PTSD or not, that is a horrible thing to do to you, you deserve better. I would much rather someone to tell me to take a hike, or that they had changed their minds. A PTSD sufferer can still have the class to tell you that. As should any other man out there.

Salud!

 

[dms]

My heart is breaking for you Meemersred. We've have all been in your shoes. Letting go is so painful, I know!! I'm still healing. I have great days and okay days. It gets better with time however, l like Nursenurse said, his answers to your questions will probably be stupid. One day you will Forgive. In the meantime, Seek God. get support and cry your eyes out.

 

[kristen1911]

.Sweetheart, I'm sorry your hurting, I understand where your coming from completely.

My vet and I have known each other since we were 10. I was seperated from my exhusband,and working on a divorce, and my vet came right in, and we were insanely happy, he came in and took role of a father to my 2 sons, he wanted to get married, and have a child together. We bought a house together,had all these plans, I took care of him, supported him, went to every doc. Appt. with him, took care of his meds., did tons of research on PTSD\ TBI, and all his medications. I have never been so in love, in my life, or so proud. I gave up my house and everything I owned in my divorce,just to get it over with so I could move on with him. I thought we had a future and all these plans with our family and our new house.

He all of a sudden out of nowhere, started to become distant and wanted space, having done all the research I did, I knew this was normal for someone with PTSD. Then all of a sudden he tells me, that he loves me and my boys to death,but he's no longer in love with me.

I had to move back in with my mother, because everything happened so fast, he's 5 houses down and I have to suffer with seeing all these people go over there and wondering what he's doing. He still tells my boys he loves them and texts them and buys them things. I guess ill never understand what he's trying to do,because he knows we all love him dearly, so its not fair.

I guess you just need to move on and find someone better suited for you, before you spend all this time and energy, and hurt for someone that never really had your best interest at heart, like you did for them. Its a really tough situation now,but hopefully time will heal things. Good luck