Connecting With Other People Is Difficult....

[Finding Maeve]

Solara is so right. The worst things you can do in a job are get social, complain, or talk behind someone else's back (especially the boss.) I've learned the hard way that the person you think is your best friend is likely the one who's stabbing you in the back. In the end, it's a competitive environment. Picture your idol in the industry you're in and model their behavior. That aside, a lot of people with PTSD have trust issues because they were violated by people they trusted most. Therefore, anyone can be dangerous. It's a scary way to move through the world. I was always a socially awkward introvert, but later I got into drugs and alcohol to such an extent that it allowed me to forget and become a social person. Then I got sober and without the self-medication, the PTSD hit hard. A main reason was that whenever I was honest about what I was going through, even my closest friends made judgments or gave offensive advice, like "The past is in the past," or "Just get a gym membership." When I called one of my best friends with the amazing news that I had been approved for SSDI and would finally be able to afford food, she said, "I'd love to get paid to stay home." Now that I'm in the thick of therapy and trying to get better, I've withdrawn from all but about three people (and I know I'm lucky to have them), all of whom I've known for 25 years or longer and all of whom understand what I'm going through. Each is dealing with current repercussions of past traumas. In addition, none of them live near me, so I can connect with them from my current reclusive state. I also spend a lot of time on this site because it's so helpful to offer and receive help from people who understand. I have no time or room right now in my life for people who aren't part of my healing process. And my healing process is my whole world until I'm ready to be that lighthearted, social person again who can have conversations about clothes, vacations, jobs, and all those "normal" things that happy people with no history of trauma are focused on. I would advise others to delve wholeheartedly into the healing process, as hard as that is. That's the only hope we have to move forward and connect with people in a way we never thought possible.

 

[Queen Boudica]

Good post. I feel on the outside all the time. Connecting with people is so difficult. I think I am finally realising that it really isn't me, it is my trauma, it changes the way you feel and look at things. Other people, just don't see the same way. They now seem odd to me. In fact I'd say I'm probably more normal than them in some ways. I have more compassion and more reality. But then I think what an arrogant cow I am for thinking that.

Bit difficult to talk about everyday things when you know so many people suffer and so much happens. Bit difficult to shut that out. I think a lot of normal people dissociate their lives away. They are watching the Kardashians and plastering themselves with make up and making their houses perfect and paying for tutors for their kids to pass naplan. And I think, how trivial and what a waste? Do I want to be a part of that? Not really. But no idea how to be what I really want to be and make some kind of difference to society. Blah. Not sure what I am saying really.

 

[Finding Maeve]

I know what you're saying. My difficult experiences have made me a more compassionate person with a deeper purpose. I find meaning in my life by talking to homeless women on the street and asking what I can do to help them, by sharing my experiences with others who are suffering or feel alone. I've worked with abused and foster kids, comforted and encouraged women I've spent time with on trauma units, and sponsored women trying to recover from drugs and alcohol. What is more important than that? I will never be happy to be living with PTSD, but I'm proud to be a survivor and to have found more meaning in my life than most people in this world.