Conquering my shame

[LittleMrsAntisocial]

I really like this, I will have to try and fix this about myself. Also thinking about ways to incorporate 5 minutes of relaxation a day.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Yeah, I'm trying to make myself meditate...

I really like this, I will have to try and fix this about myself. Also thinking about ways to incorpor...

 

[Zanshin]

Thanks for sharing this. A friend once listened to some of my negative self-talk and fears... and gently shared that we have such a tendancy to be negative, and a way to combat that is just rephrase the questions we ask ourselves in our inner dialogue. It helps.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you so much for what all you shared because I never before realized that it all came from my shame. I love this, and in the future when I feel a feeling I will also accept whatever the feeling is and spend some time examining the feeling from all angles.

 

[Bloomy]

Im actually ashamed of feeling good sometimes. Seems the PTSD tries to sentence me to lifetime misery jail. Guess it derives from shame as you write Mal. Shame of even exiting so how dare I to be good.

Getting better at it do. In the woods I return to reason and faith.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Yay, gizmo, yay, bloomy, yay, zanshin! It's so true that when you're ashamed of your very existence, you don't feel you have the right to be happy. I'm so excited for all of you that you've come to this understanding!

I was talking about this with my therapist this morning. He says he can hear a difference in how I speak about myself. He says I'm rarely ever self-deprecating anymore! This is so exciting, because it's so simple!

 

[Sideways]

As part of the (endless!) CBT, I've done to combat those automatic negative self-talk b@astards, I learnt about what they call "schemas". Essentially, the idea is that some people start up with the negative self-talk when they get unwell, but it tends to back off as they recover.

Then there's other lucky souls where basic CBT skills alone do SFA, because the negative self talk is actually coming from an entrenched, core inner belief about themself (and since psychologists have to have a special word for everything, they call them "schemas"). It's more challenging to overcome negative self-talk that's being generated from a negative schema (great!), so they developed an off-shoot to CBT called Schema-Focused Therapy (of course they did!).

These sorts of strategies are right on the money. My negative self talk is still very robust, but we keep bashing away at it anyway. Bit by bit it starts to crumble eventually:)

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Thank you, Ragdoll, for your post. I had no idea that my shame had a name! :)

I wish you the best in your recovery. Keep fighting the good fight!

 

[mary1979]

Awesome technique!

Harder to actually DO than say but i bet it gets easier the longer you try it?


Its all down to mindfulness really isn't it? Our automatic brains really ingrained and difficult to switch off

 

[Zanshin]

If I'm liking posts on this thread, it may be due to information given - I am absolutely not liking that we're all dealing with this.

@Bloomy - I really struggle with this, being happy is scary - it brings up the "other shoe is about to drop" feeling as too many times I've felt like life is starting to be ok, and then it wasn't, typically for very strong reasons...

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Awesome technique!

Harder to actually DO than say but i bet it gets easier the longer you try it?..

Mary, I don't find it too difficult, butI I think that's because when I'm making negative comments, it's usually when I'm experiencing an emotion that I'm ashamed of, like envy. So for me, the two issues go hand-in-hand. :)

 

[Sideways]

@Zanshin - I don't know how the Happiness Gremlin works for others. But for me, firstly happiness feels foreign. Like, what the hell is this happiness thing? I can get used to that.

The second one is a bit trickier. If I'm happy, that must mean my brain thinks I'm safe. I'm not safe. I'm never safe. Argh!! The whole world is unsafe - wake up, brain, wake up, you're kidding yourself that you're safe. How can that be possible? I must be unsafe, cause that's how the world is... Happiness fades, I go back to feeling unsafe & miserable. Phew! The world makes sense again!