Constantly Embarrassed For No Reason

[peacelovemusic]

I don't know anyone IRL with PTSD. (I probably do, but not well enough to disclose) so I don't know if this is common.

I have a CONSTANT embarrassment/self conscious thing going on. Like, fricken constantly. Even my nightmares revolve around this. It is hard to function in a world where everything makes you feel ashamed. Like if I am taking a split second too long in ordering at a restaurant, or if I feel I am in the way somewhere. Or if I realize I am walking in the wrong direction and need to turn around, that kind of thing. I am hypervigilant about making sure I am not in anyone's way or doing something to make myself look stupid. I have these nightmares where I am at school, and I am an adult but all the kids from school are still kids, and they are mocking me because I am lost or confused, and I can't make my voice loud enough to shout at them and tell them I am an adult now.

This is just absolutely crippling to me. The idea of being in the wrong place or doing the wrong thing is so difficult. This *does* stem from my trauma, but that was just a little piece of my trauma. For some reason my brain just really wants to hold onto that little part. I wish my brain would knock that sh*t off sometimes.

 

[Poofycat]

Yep. It sucks. I've been working on that issue with my T and it's really, really hard. I don't know anything about your trauma but my guess is that this is a symptom of ALL of your trauma, not just a small part of it. For me it comes from not thinking I have a right to be here, for my own space, for my own opinion, and that it would be easier for everyone if I wasn't here. Very existential. But very deeply ingrained.

 

[watundah]

I would suggest focusing on self esteem building exercises. The better you feel about yourself, the less weight other people carry.

I was extremely shy as a child plus my father mocked and teased me alot. It took some work, but it's very possible to get past. One big first step is crushing negative self talk. When you hear yourself thinking bad thoughts, counter it with good messages.

 

[Geoffry777]

Because others have been hypercritical of us and hurt us I think that we have some sensitivity about people's thoughts about us so when we are in public this is something that is effortlessly and automatically constructed in our minds we simply have to fight against it. Tell yourself it's not true and breathe

 

[LynnSharon]

I don't know anyone IRL with PTSD. (I probably do, but not well enough to disclose) so I don't k...

OH my..I feel the same! At work I feel like everyone is better than me. I wish I could stop my brain. Everyone I look at I swear I know what they're thinking and feeling! I feel overwhelmed to help everyone and I can't

 

[LynnSharon]

Because others have been hypercritical of us and hurt us I think that we have some sensitivity about...

Is this paranoia?

 

[mamachick]

Its not paranoia based on what is described and history or trauma

 

[Friday]

Is this paranoia?

Can be.

Can also be sourced from, or tied up in, a lot of other responses. Guilt & shame. Negative-thinking-styles 10 Primary Cognitive Distortions (negative Thinking Styles), hypervigilance, etc.

 

[Tinyflame]

I too relate to @Poofycat 's explanation, but the specific circumstances that give rise to it can be different for each person, I think.

Is it possible to figure out the deep-down trigger/ belief that starts it rolling?

 

[Freedomfighter]

I don't know anyone IRL with PTSD. (I probably do, but not well enough to disclose) so I don't k...

I used to have similar symptoms, that was before I learned that such shame was instilled into me by past predators, predators such as my dad, my ex, abusive friends.

It was such a huge and freeing experience to realize that such shame was only instilled into me by a predator that meant to control me. After that the shame was not mine anymore.

Because deep down predators feel shame too, they try to pass that shame and confusion on to the victim, freeing themselves.
I am now in the place where I tell every predator off, telling them that they are the ones that break the law, that they are the ones who mess up their lives and I tell you one thing you have to be prepared for: if you tell a predator the truth you will suffer, because such a predator will lash out furiously every time you tell him or her the truth.

A predator will deny everything, attempt to blame you for the crimes that they do, a predator is a cowardly person.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Before I was diagnosed and in therapy, I used to apologize to all around me for my very existance and am freed from that so many years later. There is light at the end of the tunnel and there is hope for a better future for you. Just do not give up on fighting for you.