Coping: The Healthy And The Not So Healthy. How Do You "Deal"?

[Daisy_May]

I work a lot. I am slowly cutting back on the hours, and realizing letting myself become angry and upset at work is crossing the professional boundary. My emotions are my personal property, and I will not use them for work. :)

I go for long drives by myself, everyday, sometimes for two hours. In the bush, or a long walk with my dog. I try to let myself 'listen' to what part of me is hurting and needs attention, I lay in bed or on the couch with my eyes closed.

I don't have any relationship with the opposite sex. I really wish I could get through the dating game without screwing it up and running away. I feel so rejected right now. I can't stop thinking about how ashamed I am because I get scared like I'm four years old. I'm terrified of giving myself over to someone. I don't know how to act, they say I put them off. Some men tell me they could never sleep with me, I'm that awkward. WHy do people think it's ok to tell me what's wrong with me, or how low they think of me? I tell them to be quiet, but the fact is that is how other people think of me.

I keep thinking I'll start going to the gym in the morning, to excerise before work, but everytime I plan it, I get insomnia and average three hours of sleep.

So I don't cope that well, not yet anyway.

 

[bluecat]

I'm really not coping very well, I seem to isolate myself alot. I get very depressed and have bad coping stratagies :-(

Hi Lilstar,

You have one good strategy - talking to people here : )

My coping isn't so good either, if its really bad I retreat to my home and fall apart.

A good one is talking to my therapist. If I have a flashback, I call her and talk to her. It helps.

Also reading helps me, takes my mind off of intrusive thoughts. I like doing puzzles too, especially sudoku, that seems to ground me too.

Sometimes I try too hard to cope, try reaching out to friends, only to be too exhausted to deal with them when they call back or feel rejected when they don't, even if its just because they have their own problems to deal with. Sometimes its good if I just give up trying so hard and give myself a break. Its OK to take it easy when I feel depressed, things like that.

Depression is probably the hardest symptom for me to deal with. It gets worse in the winter, I need a lot of sunlight. I bought a special sun lamp, it lifts my spirit. Creating a comfortable environment at home helps too. Soft blankets, candles, nice tea, sweets : )

Exercise helps too, if I am depressed, but makes things worse if I have anxiety attacks. I try to go with the flow of how I feel and not push it too hard.

Hope you find something useful that helps you!

 

[bluecat]

I work a lot. I am slowly cutting back on the hours, and realizing letting myself become angry and upset at work is crossing the professional boundary. My emotions are my personal property, and I will not use them for work. :).

Daisy_May thanks for saying this, this is exactly what I've been slowly realizing this year, but couldn't have expressed it this well.

I don't know how to act, they say I put them off. Some men tell me they could never sleep with me, I'm that awkward. WHy do people think it's ok to tell me what's wrong with me, or how low they think of me? I tell them to be quiet, but the fact is that is how other people think of me. .

Its not OK and awkwardness, real or imagined, has nothing to do with it. You might be surrounding yourself with the wrong type of men. Ones that think its OK to demean a woman, because of her struggles or vulnerabilities. Even if you tell them to shut up, its harmful for you to hear things like that. Can you get rid of them? Just not talk to them?

I used to date abusive men, because at first, I didn't know how to recognize and avoid them and also, I was super intimidated by men who are nice, caring and succesful. Once I remembered and processed more of my past, I was able to avoid violent men, but still have a hard time connecting to nice guys. And I have a really hard time saying no to men who I don't really want to date.

My friend asked me why I always date losers. I think it was because I felt I wasn't good enough for a decent guy. I am slowly learning though. My last relationship was with a guy who was kind and supportive and a good person. We decided to end it last spring, we weren't really in love, but are still friends. It gives me hope that I can break the pattern.

I keep thinking I'll start going to the gym in the morning, to excerise before work, but everytime I plan it, I get insomnia and average three hours of sleep.

hahaha, same here. I am going to try to make it in there this week but probably not tomorrow, considering that its already past midnight : )

 

[BrotatoSalad]

For those who exercise in some way or another, how do you motivate yourself?! I have to drag myself to dance and krav even though when I get there I absolutely love it and feel better for at least 30 minutes after. I don't know if I'm just tired or if it's that whole just declining interest in activities I used to enjoy. I simply must get myself out to the gym :(