Sufferer Could Use Some Advice?

[Gadgie]

Quote........."Docs use everything in their toolbox to stabilize me."

Well, my GP did nothing at all for me, never even made an effort to help me get more therapy, after I was dropped after 6 months therapy for ,"not responding quick enough, to justify further therapy?" As well as "having too many issues, over too long a period?"

I've asked him umpteen times for help, but it falls in deaf ears? I've just been left to get on with it, and that's exactly what I'm going to do! As I've just had a great boost of confidence on another thread in here, and I'm going to do exactly that!

 

[Paula2]

Thank you all, for the messages. They are all helping.

My dr has given me Valium, just for a few days and upped my antidepressants again. I'm really struggling with work, it's a very stressful job, my managers are trying to support me but they have so many issues with each other they don't seem to be holding a United front.. giving me mixed messages and sending me in a tizz... I need reassurance, consistency, conciseness and structure. I'm just not getting it.... I can't cope and I feel I am making mistakes because of it. I have 2.5 days left until I go on annual leave for a week. Should I struggle through until then and hope to come back refreshed and more confident, ready to tell them what I need?

Anyone been in a similar situation? Any advise?

Many thanks

 

[Suzetig]

It depends on your job and whether you think you can manage. I've tended to avoid going off sick if I can help it but still had two longish absences in the last couple of years. Would you tell them what's happening just now and do you feel up to that? You may find that general tiredness and needing a holiday are compounding to make you feel much worse than usual in which case it may be worth fighting through and talking to them properly when you feel more rested. Alternately, keeping on might undermine you so much you don't get the benefit of your time off, in which case I'd take a couple of days sick leave. It's not easy...

 

[Paula2]

Hi,

Well, what a roller coaster of a day! I wouldn't even know where to start.

So I will start with the end, my Cbt counsellor, has suggested that the CBT isn't working because of my high anxiety and I am spending all my time worrying about the door and not taking any of what is happening in session. So recommends he refers me for a pychatiric assessment, to get a diagnosis and my medication correct and to find out if CBT is the correct therapy for me. He also recommended I take time away from work, as it is all too much and I will end up doing something I cant take back. He said he wants to call my gp tmrw and have a conversation with her. I agreed after quite a long conversation. But then text later to say that actually I won't be needing his services anymore.

I have told work I am off sick now, as it seems they are treating me like I am crazy. I'm certain I am not. It feels like no one at work is actually listening to me, because they are so set on the fact that I am having some sort of breakdown. So I give up protesting.

Problem is most of my friends are work colleagues and they all seem a little scared to talk to me out of work. Not that I want to talk to them right now, I'm not crazy. I'm just under a lot of stress that has made me feel crazy for the past few weeks.

My head hurts, maybe I am crazy? :(

 

[potager]

Hi @Paula2

That sounds really tough. This kind of thing is a perfect paradox. The more you protest you aren't crazy, the more you sound crazy. Getting more and more upset and stressed as it continues, making you look (and feel) crazy. I have experienced something similar and it's hard. I hope that having some time away from work, breaking the loop, helps you to feel a little better.

 

[Paula2]

Thank you I can't tell you how many times that word (paradox) went through my head yesterday!
I'm already so much calmer, I'm letting go of a lot of the things I have been worrying about. I will only surround myself with people who know I am not crazy, until I am strong enough to face those that do. I will get better and I will get back to work.

Thank you again x

 

[ghotiff]

i will only surround myself with people who know I am not crazy,

Surrounding yourself with only peoe who see "you" is a great idea.

I recommend to add to that some self soothing and some grounding. There are lots of threads on that topic to help you find what works best for you.

I hope you find some peace soon.

 

[Paula2]

It's funny, as that is exactly the plan. My sister in law and I are doing yoga, meditation, reading, crafts and long walks. It's good to know that I know what to do when needed.

I have written my timeline, I orginally gave this to the cbt therapist but took it back before the end of the session as I changed my mind, the trust was just too much. Should I post it today? There is no way of taking it back as this time tmrw I will be on a plane. I'm hoping that if I take that step, he will see I am making progress? I have never shared the things in that timeline with anyone... This is quite a risk isn't it? Can I trust the cbt therapist will this help him see I can make progress? or should I hold off just incase they refer me to a different type of therapy? I don't want to be embarrassed.

Thank you x

 

[Suzetig]

It sounds like you feel pressured into doing something to please your therapist, your therapist should work at your pace with this stuff not the other way round. Do you know if your therapist has experience in working with trauma?

 

[Paula2]

Hi,

The cbt I am having is 'trauma focused' he does have experience. You have up to 10 sessions, but you can keep have as many of these 10 sessions as required, within reason I assume. I think because my symptoms (especially in his consulting room) are quite severe, that my behaviour at work has been erratic and the fact that I have contacted the crisis a few times now (this is a partner mental health team) I think he was/ is concerned that I'm heading for a train crash. With this my last session was predominately about him expressing his concerns and trying to get through to me. Suggestions were that I needed a psychiatric assessment, to trust professionals, possibly get a better suited medication and maybe a different therapy.

This all upset me a lot at the time. Frustrated that he felt I hadn't made progress, was suggesting time away from work and possibly a different therapist was hard for me to take in.

I have made peace with this and can see his concerns, and he is right I have children to think of and a job i would like to go back to, that I could lose if I carried on. But I am scared to start again with another therapist. I feel I have begun to trust this one. I even gave him eye contact for at least 5 minutes this week. What if I lose trust if I'm told I can not carry on with this one because this is meant to be a short term therapy and my needs are too high? And have to start again?

I suppose in my head, if I send my timeline and go back to my session refreshed, he will see progress and that I don't need anything more than cbt? Could this be a tactic on his part to help me move forward? Or is this just the reality of financial stringents within the NHS?

X

 

[Paula2]

It's probably important to note too that he said if the pscyhatric assessment showed that I needed extra support, I could then have the community mental health team twice a week too.

My hunch is that I am no where near that stage. I lost the plot quite a bit there for a few weeks, but I have held onto my story for 30 years. I have been 'strong' all these years, never trusting anyone and walking into that therapy room 5/6 wks ago progressively knocked me off my feet and I did lose my mind. I want to share or at least try, but it has to be a safe place to do so otherwise it could set me back.

What shall I do? Should I just maybe share something small on here instead? In a journal perhaps or trust my therapist? I don't want to rush but this is the nhs it seems I either get a move on into recovery or be deemed higher need, which scares me because I don't believe it is more than ptsd

 

[Suzetig]

10 sessions isn't a lot for ptsd, that level of work is designed to help you manage symptoms and keep functioning but doesn't give time to process the traumatic incidents as such. If you're allowed 10 sessions, realistically you'll need to start again with someone else even if they do give another 10 session block because they may put you with someone else to avoid you developing a dependency on him.

It sounds like he's trying to be honest with you, that his service isn't designed to meet the kind of need you have. That doesn't necessarily mean that you're "seriously unwell", just that you need a different kind of support. It may be that you could use your time with him to support your transition into a longer term service?