Could You Call This A Flashback?

[SimplyComplex]

I am still learning about PTSD and I was wondering if this would be a flashback?

When I was 19, I had a friend who was very neglectful of her kids. I went over to her house one day and her toddler was "asleep" in his crib. I knew something wasn't right and went to pick him up. He was very hot, not responsive to being wiggled or have me call his name. I took his temp and it was very high and I could tell he was seriously ill. I fought with my friend to get her to take him to the hospital. He ended up being put in the ICU and they said he might have brain damage as a result (I don't know if it was fever or lack of O2, he had pneumonia).

I never really thought much about this though. But when my son was a baby/toddler, I would bolt out of bed and lift him from his crib just sure he was dying or dead. I did this many times, and once he would respond I would snap to my senses and not really have any clue why I was doing that. I even did it to pillows a couple times. It was embarrassing because it was like I had no choice, I wasn't in charge...it was as real as it could have been.

I never connected the two before today. I am doing trauma work and something brought this up and without realizing I even felt anything about it, I have been crying off and on for 2 days remembering how he felt in my hands, how scared I was, how his personality changed after and he was never the same. And then thinking of those times I pulled my son out of bed, heart pounding, being just sure my son was dead...and guilt for maybe traumatizing and scaring him.

Anyways, could this have been flashbacks?

 

[AzureMind]

Well, yes...."Flashbacks" aren't necessarily a single misnomer for one type of experience: they can be auditory, visual I bet there are more ways, but what ever isn't processed by the person (ie dissociated) will from time to time, float back up to the surface or Conscious self, and present itself to you....It may not have been or seem traumatically linked to you then because it was dissociated, but you may have been traumatized by this none the less because the "trauma hit home" when it was correlated with the thought of possibly loosing your own child....it's like when a person witnesses something traumatic; you TOO CAN BE TRAUMATIZED BY THIS; if the sensitivity of the person viewing the event is disturbed by this, it can "overload" the person, and they may become "emotionally disregulated" and dissociate the event all together, or partially, by lessening the blow of the trauma by recalling the details but emotionally detaching (numbing) or by completely blocking out the event all together (psychogenic amnesia)

It was traumatic to you but the "trigger" was your child.....you subconscously put together (the pain of the child and your own helplessness, and guilt and anger towards your friend for not being a better mother) all that was dissociated, and you may have experienced an emotional flashback...but what you were doing was a legitimate thing in regards to you child's safety....a toddler cannot dial 911 if they are in an emergency, and they depend on you...the guilt you felt may have triggered the desperation to check your child....I can see how that would bother you, and you should seek therapy if you blame yourself for your friends mistake....It's just THAT easy to become traumatized yourself, by another's careless actions....

Get well :)