General Cptsd Supporter Self Care Epiphany

[FortMillian]

I learn from him about his C-PTSD. I see good days and bad - I watch as he copes with a whole spectrum of emotions like guilt - rage - sorrow - apathy - relief - gratitude and happiness. He shows me that even the emotions that society finds "good" can trigger serious inward thought as it can lead him down a rabbit hole.

I spend time with him around the edge of the rabbit hole often and sometimes when he goes in - I think he reaches out for me in different ways to see if I'm still hanging around the edge of the hole like I said I would. It's what comes to mind for me when people on here say be prepared to fight for him.

This week he said to me that he was sure that I "cease to find him cute & amusing". Which isn't the case - but I'm thinking that as I contemplate being with him and caring about him - I'm running down a little as I tend to give more than I take sometimes. I'm starting to see how this is where self care must happen so that I don't get run down emotionally, making me unable to show him the love I want him to feel coming from me.

C-PTSD or not - shouldn't we all be tending to our own needs as a priority? It's a concept taught but hard to do - love yourself, etc.

I'm all for it and If it takes a complicated highly rewarding relationship dynamic to make me focus on caring for myself as a priority - so be it. I almost appreciate coping with this part of his disorder which stays in check better if I actually set the boundaries I've had trouble setting all my life - to avoid behavior that doesn't reflect that I love myself.

I have had some amazing times with him lately - good conversations - a road trip to meet significant home-town friends - moments that tell me he cares about me and trusts me enough to share things and people and places that he loves.

This will never move fast - and I'm so grateful for that! Time to just breathe and fight for him by taking care of me:)

 

[Everhopeful]

Hello FortMillian

There is a lot of insight in your posting. I can so relate to the "rabbit hole" concept! And all we, the loving Significant Other, can do is wait faithfully until our loved one reappears. We don't know what to expect when they "reappear", but need to be prepared for any eventuality!

I am also learning about self-care and boundaries. I, too, have struggled immensely with finding and setting and keeping to my own personal boundaries. Caring for someone in deep trauma is incredibly draining on those who invest emotionally in that person.

It is a day-to-day effort to keep myself feeling balanced and emotionally well. Some days are better than others.

Best wishes to you.

 

[GG-love]

I like the rabbit hole analogy...I can really relate to that. Thank you for sharing such an Insightful post