Relationship Creating Space with MST/PTSD & combat PTSD

[Rugby02]

I'm a vet with PTSD getting involved with another vet with combat PTSD....we're both active in our individual therapies and inspire each other to be healthier. We want to move in together. I have a home that I am remodeling (that should be an insanity check right there) and we have physical space where I could create a man-cave, etc. There are no substance issues---we've discussed many of our most sordid secrets. Okay, I don't know much of the combat stuff but I'm not prying as long as he sticks with his therapy and meds,...we're creating new healthy hobbies together to enrich our lives.

As rosy as this picture sounds, what would anybody suggest on how to create space for our triggers so that we continue to evolve in a healthy manner? What has worked for you?

 

[Sweetpea76]

Individual areas are a good idea. Space is a relationship saver.

Also, establish boundaries from the get-go. Don’t wait until you’re hitting the breaking point. Even if you already have relationship boundaries, you’ll get new ones when you move in together.

 

[EveHarrington]

Wait until the remodeling is done.

 

[Rugby02]

GREAT IDEAS!! Thanks.

When I see him next (voluntary inpatient for combat trauma) we’ll start developing these parameters for when he returns in a couple of months. Fortunately we’ll have the space and time to develop this before he moves in with me because there has to be a reality check in how to deal with the normal stuff as well as the respective PTSD.

Since the remodeling is ongoing major projects I’ll just prioritize them and create our own safe spaces. The man cave should be pretty doable in quick time. I already have my meditation room.

Again, thanks! I really, really want to make this a winning situation for all and so does he.

 

[Rugby02]

@LuckiLee, did you get the AT info I posted for 14 May?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Yes, I think good establised boundries before the move in, is key.

 

[Freida]

wow --- you are BRAVE! :laugh:
I agree -- space is critical. And ground rules about things that are deal breakers. First one that comes to mind for me is I'm not allowed to take off without checking in at least once a day and letting hubby know I'm ok.

What are the ones you know will spin you -- and same for him. Then you can set out what it's going to look like when things are calm and happy.

 

[Rugby02]

@Freida, I was looking for a buddy to hike the AT,.....lol. We created a "baseline" that somehow went horribly wrong in that we really get along well together. That first "meeting" took about fourteen hours. It's been a quite interesting development, to say the least, for both of us. We both deserve to be happy and in dealing with PTSD, well, that puts a twist on things. This is why I'm reaching out to find out what makes relationships flavored with PTSD work.

Thank you for the concept of identifying what makes each of us spin.
We'll start that conversation today!!

You're awesome!! :)

 

[Freida]

We both deserve to be happy

Yes you do!!! I'm so very happy for you! ?

 

[Rugby02]

Just an update,....I decided that I was better in managing my PTSD symptoms alone. It turns out that I really prefer the (fun) drama of living with my cat and service dog on a daily basis.

 

[Freida]

I totally get that :hug: :)