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Crisis Counselor Just Told Me To Dissociate.

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@gizmo Sometimes its about the pain, sometimes its punishment, sometimes it's just to feel something besides dissociation and panic. This is only the second episode of cutting since I started seeing this T, so maybe we will, I don't know. I just know I really need Tuesday to hurry up. I feel like right now she is my only support, aside from on here.
 
Just wanted to give you a suggestion for another option than cutting: cold shower. It's a major pain in the ass, but works for me where the smaller things don't. Medium-bad urge I'd stick my head under. Bad urge, just climb on in. I don't even bother taking off my clothes.

I've pretty much got myself re-wired now so that the cold water is right where my mind goes when I have the urge. And because I hate cold water so very, very much, I often don't even have to do it anymore; just the thought is enough.
 
Dissociating scares the crap out of me because it's like being alive and dead at the same time. 'Comfortably Numb" by Pink Floyd plays in my head and I become nothing. I hate dissociating. Don't find any benefit in that state of being. It's one of the worst aspects of our chronic disease.
 
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