I stopped speaking with my mom a few months before my son was born 3 years ago. She was the type of person who would say one thing to your face and then say something different to others to make you look bad. She would sometimes loan me money when times were rough for me and say it was because she loved me and she wanted to help. Then I would hear from my brother that she had told him that I was begging for money again and how she felt pressured to give me the money. I would always bite my tongue and just deal with it because she was my mom. Then, I finally said enough is enough. I finally spoke my mind and told her how I felt about how she was. She didn't like it and we didn't speak for about a year and a half. My son was right around 18 months when I felt bad enough to give in and let her meet her grandson. She still hadn't changed and I once again bit my tongue. Then when my wife and I would leave from a visit, we'd talk about how much my mother just rubbed us the wrong way. Two months later, I found her dead in her home. It was a shock. It hurt to have my mother pass away, but that doesn't mean that the way she treated people when she was alive was okay and all should be forgotten because she died. I had guilt for a while after she died. I would feel bad, thinking I kept her away from her grandson and I left her feeling alone and abandoned until she died alone. I have finally gotten to the point in my life where I can look back and say, you know what, it was her fault and she wasn't able to apologize for her actions and admit her faults. I loved her, but hated how she was. So, if your relationship with parents is a toxic one, it is probably better to distance yourself to keep your sanity. If things can be worked out, that's great, but if not, don't allow yourself to be filled with guilt over it. I've been there and it's tough. Good luck.
