-
We are a multilingual website again. Read the notice about this.
-
Understand AI use at MyPTSD: all AI use is explained in our AI help page. AI use is by choice here. It exists if you want it, but does nothing unless you choose to use it.
Cutting
- Post starter Jenny0329
- Start date
- Status
Hi @Jenny0329. I used to frequently cut around my hips, groin, and upper/inner thighs - sometimes my private parts. My cutting has lapsed lately, but starting about a year ago and for many months it was hundreds of cuts per day. I lost a lot of blood and became very anaemic. I well know the draw of cutting and the relief it provides, and how hard it is to resist - so well done for wanting to stop and having the courage to seek help for it. :) I believe in you!
Are you seeing a therapist? For me, I think it was a mixture of fighting my own negative self-directed cognitions, and also developing better and healthier coping skills, that helped minimise the need to cut. My therapist helped me with this.
Another thing that helped me was understanding why I did it. When I first started cutting, it was before PTSD and before I recovered memories of sexual abuse, so I was confused and terrified as to why I would want to hurt myself down there, and why I kept repeating things like "stay out" while I cut. Now that I have remembered the abuse, I can start exploring certain issues and motivations that I might not have realised I had, and am finding better solutions once the real problems are out in the open. Perhaps you could also explore these things in a safe environment, in a journal or with a therapist, and let yourself open up to the pain behind your self-harm.
And of course, there are plenty of suggestions for minimising cutting in general; I'm sure you've heard of some of them - rubber band snapping on the wrist, holding ice, drawing with red marker on your skin, attacking a pillow, etc.
Are you seeing a therapist? For me, I think it was a mixture of fighting my own negative self-directed cognitions, and also developing better and healthier coping skills, that helped minimise the need to cut. My therapist helped me with this.
Another thing that helped me was understanding why I did it. When I first started cutting, it was before PTSD and before I recovered memories of sexual abuse, so I was confused and terrified as to why I would want to hurt myself down there, and why I kept repeating things like "stay out" while I cut. Now that I have remembered the abuse, I can start exploring certain issues and motivations that I might not have realised I had, and am finding better solutions once the real problems are out in the open. Perhaps you could also explore these things in a safe environment, in a journal or with a therapist, and let yourself open up to the pain behind your self-harm.
And of course, there are plenty of suggestions for minimising cutting in general; I'm sure you've heard of some of them - rubber band snapping on the wrist, holding ice, drawing with red marker on your skin, attacking a pillow, etc.
PandaBear12212
Bronze Member
Yes, I cut my thigh severely the other day and ended up in the hospital because of suicidal ideation...I also cut my hips alot. I've tried drinking, smoking, music, talking, meds, nothing helps. But I feel like cutting almost takes the physical edge off. However when I went to the hospital, it was because I called 911, because I had the razor blade to my wrist and couldnt put it down. The temptations are strong. Sorry for the graphic content.
Kas_Can_Fly
Diamond Member
I personally feel there's a fair difference between self harm on the genitals and self-harm on the thigh because of the additional sexual element to it - be that fear/disgust/confusion about sexual thoughts and feelings (which are usually a normal and healthy part of being an adult) alternatively it may be cause by disgust at remembering a sexual trauma. Though the need to do any form of self-harm is distressing and should be addressed, not just because of the actual physical harm you are causing yourself or because it's addictive and the behaviour tends to escalate but because essentially it tells of how distressed you are and I personally feel that no-one should feel upset or distressed, let alone to that degree.
Self-harming the genitals for people who have been sexually abused isn't unheard of albeit less common than other forms of self-mutilation and locations. It comes from a combination of self-hate, confusion, disgust especially when attempting to deal with unwanted sexual feelings and not knowing how to deal with them, but like all forms of self-harm, the reasons will vary greatly from individual to individual. I would ask you why you feel the need to hurt yourself at all and why in this location, you don't have to share back here but it may give you some insight - however if it is too upsetting to think about why, then obviously, for now that's too much so please don't cause yourself any more stress.
The fact that it concerns you enough to ask tells me that you are bothered by this and whether because of some guilt, or because you need to find out you are not alone, or some other reason, it doesn't change that you've reached out and that's a big step for any self-harmer, but especially for someone who harms their genitals as this is even more difficult to talk about because of how personal it is. I would even go as far as to say that even if you're not ready to stop, maybe you want to make some change like maybe harming there less often, or finding a less scarring way of coping and this is good, you don't have to stop or change, but even just considering change is good and healthy.
Are you in therapy? It would be very difficult to bring this up with a therapist if you have one, but still I think maybe you need to talk about this further.
Good luck
Self-harming the genitals for people who have been sexually abused isn't unheard of albeit less common than other forms of self-mutilation and locations. It comes from a combination of self-hate, confusion, disgust especially when attempting to deal with unwanted sexual feelings and not knowing how to deal with them, but like all forms of self-harm, the reasons will vary greatly from individual to individual. I would ask you why you feel the need to hurt yourself at all and why in this location, you don't have to share back here but it may give you some insight - however if it is too upsetting to think about why, then obviously, for now that's too much so please don't cause yourself any more stress.
The fact that it concerns you enough to ask tells me that you are bothered by this and whether because of some guilt, or because you need to find out you are not alone, or some other reason, it doesn't change that you've reached out and that's a big step for any self-harmer, but especially for someone who harms their genitals as this is even more difficult to talk about because of how personal it is. I would even go as far as to say that even if you're not ready to stop, maybe you want to make some change like maybe harming there less often, or finding a less scarring way of coping and this is good, you don't have to stop or change, but even just considering change is good and healthy.
Are you in therapy? It would be very difficult to bring this up with a therapist if you have one, but still I think maybe you need to talk about this further.
Good luck
- Post starter
- #5
- Post starter
- #6
I started last year because i found it harder to deal with being raped and I wanted to cut our my ovaries so I'm left with two big scars. I think I find it difficult to deal with because I didn't have any control over it. I also cut my thighs but cutting my genitals helps me find relief from all the horrible thoughts I have over it all.
Last edited:
Kas_Can_Fly
Diamond Member
I'm glad to have read on the original post that you do have a therapist - so I will ask if you have talked about this with him/her - even if you don't want to discuss the places you harm, but discuss your reasons for feeling so against being female. I just want to say however, that you must feel trust to do this, so go gently not for your T but for you - what feels ok now might not feel so ok later and it's easier to say more next time than feel the need to take something you've said back.
I understand hating what makes you female and there are many reasons you might feel this way, most of which will relate to the fact that you have been sexually abused. At it's core - you couldn't have been abused in the way you were if you weren't female - but actually you could have still been, males can be raped too. Maybe you see that your abuser(s) wouldn't have been attracted to you if you were male - but in my own experiences - it was not about sex, but about the abusers gaining pleasure from my suffering. Not that this helps you, but I would think that trying to understand why you feel this way is important.
If you can realise all of the reasons, can you also try to rationalise some of them - although this won't magically fix everything, it's a step. I think you know truthfully that you cannot simply cut out your physical sexuality and even if you were irreparably scarred you would still be female - it's a part of who you are.
When it comes to trying to stop, wanting it is the first step, but it won't be easy - don't put too much pressure on yourself - every day you don't hurt yourself is an achievement but when you do hurt yourself focus on the positives, maybe one day you will not cut more days than you do which will be a big achievement but it will be a rocky road getting there. Personally I feel that while you feel this hatred for your feminine self, stopping cutting yourself will be very difficult - essentially it's as if you're cutting yourself in anger to punish your female self - I believe you need to come to terms with her and find some peace there.
Part of stopping is learning to not hate yourself - even if loving yourself is too big a step, there is a middle ground where I think at least you have to learn to respect yourself a little more. Just like you should respect your emotions and allow yourself to experience grief/sadness or happiness/positive emotions if that's more of an issue, you should respect your physicality - you are you and that's ok (good even - you can't be anyone else).
Have you tried alternatives to self harm - such as holding ice-cubes on where you'd hurt yourself (or somewhere else you if you'd prefer) until it causes pain - as at least then there are fewer issues - like scarring or infection. (Another type is extremely hot/cold showers and/or switching between the two).
Feel free to talk more - I hope this has been helpful.
I understand hating what makes you female and there are many reasons you might feel this way, most of which will relate to the fact that you have been sexually abused. At it's core - you couldn't have been abused in the way you were if you weren't female - but actually you could have still been, males can be raped too. Maybe you see that your abuser(s) wouldn't have been attracted to you if you were male - but in my own experiences - it was not about sex, but about the abusers gaining pleasure from my suffering. Not that this helps you, but I would think that trying to understand why you feel this way is important.
If you can realise all of the reasons, can you also try to rationalise some of them - although this won't magically fix everything, it's a step. I think you know truthfully that you cannot simply cut out your physical sexuality and even if you were irreparably scarred you would still be female - it's a part of who you are.
When it comes to trying to stop, wanting it is the first step, but it won't be easy - don't put too much pressure on yourself - every day you don't hurt yourself is an achievement but when you do hurt yourself focus on the positives, maybe one day you will not cut more days than you do which will be a big achievement but it will be a rocky road getting there. Personally I feel that while you feel this hatred for your feminine self, stopping cutting yourself will be very difficult - essentially it's as if you're cutting yourself in anger to punish your female self - I believe you need to come to terms with her and find some peace there.
Part of stopping is learning to not hate yourself - even if loving yourself is too big a step, there is a middle ground where I think at least you have to learn to respect yourself a little more. Just like you should respect your emotions and allow yourself to experience grief/sadness or happiness/positive emotions if that's more of an issue, you should respect your physicality - you are you and that's ok (good even - you can't be anyone else).
Have you tried alternatives to self harm - such as holding ice-cubes on where you'd hurt yourself (or somewhere else you if you'd prefer) until it causes pain - as at least then there are fewer issues - like scarring or infection. (Another type is extremely hot/cold showers and/or switching between the two).
Feel free to talk more - I hope this has been helpful.
Lady of Longbourn
VIP Member
@RedLuna The original poster says where in post 6.
- Status
Similar posts
Donation drives
Trending content
-
-
What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?
- goingonhope
Comments: 34K -
-
-
-
