Like don’t the sufferers get sick of it too?
Speaking as a sufferer... Nope! I love & adore it.
Speaking as a supporter... Nope! It’s one of the things I love best about being in a relationship with someone who thrives off of the same rhythms I do. Simpatico.
That hardly means that everyone I’ve ever dated has had those same need/wants, nor that a compromise is possible. PTSD isn’t a personality disorder / wildly different personalities abound; nor does everyone experience the same symptoms, expressions, or coping mechanisms. And even for those who do? Their way of handling them is going to be a complicated blend of personality & experience & character. What it does mean is that I break up with people who don’t want the same things as I do in life, very early on. And one thing I never do is break up and get back together. Whether I’ve ended it, or they have? Done. Finis. The End. At least as far as being partners in crime / romance is concerned. Far more often than not, I’m still friends with my exes, afterwards. Actual, stand up at their weddings, & babysit their kids, level of friends.
Are compromises possible sometimes? For sure. But it requires a great deal of honesty. Because in a compromise, everyone wins. Both people get what they need, baseline, and ideally both people also get what they want. But in a sacrifice, one person (or both people) loses... and that’s just not supportable long term. The longest I’ve ever known anyone -that doesn’t have a martyr complex- to cope with a sacrifice is about 2 years. And that’s just crazy-making pain-and-misery that could have been easily avoided. If it’s not an emergency? I refuse to act like it is // ie I don’t make sacrifices unless there are lives on the line... and even then, I’m going to be on the lookout for better solutions non-stop unti I find one, or the emergency is over. Either way, though, that’s a temporary gig. Not the foundation I’m building my life on.
Do you ever get sick of your favorite relationship structures?