Dealing with heightened irritability and rage fits from PTSD.

[Readtheroom2255]

Hi so I have CPTSD from sexual abuse as a child from one parent and verbal and physical abuse as a child from another. I remember being so scared to do one thing wrong because I’d end up getting hit sometimes for no real good reason. Since I was young I told myself I would never become that same person and learn and grow from it.

Well here we are in the present… I’m dealing with constant depression and I’m left alone in a state without friends or family and my husband who was the only support here is now deployed. I have really been struggling. I have two cats and no kids I refuse to have kids until I’m recovered. But lately I have been having issues with rage and violent thoughts. I have neighbors whose dog will whine alll day and it is so loud I can clearly hear it in my bedroom through my earplugs. I’ve had so many thoughts of just shooting the dog through the wall. These type of thoughts are unlike me I’ve always been super gentle and sweet with animals and have even gotten wild animals to trust me enough for me to pet them and befriend them. I have also been struggling with my cats I get so mad at them now I start heavy breathing in anger just trying to fight the urge to not do anything stupid. I haven’t felt this type of anger since I was little after my mother would verbally or physically abuse me for hours… I would sometimes lock myself in my room with that type of seeing red and clenching my fists feeling.

I don’t want to hurt my cats and I don’t want to do anything I shouldn’t but It’s getting really bad. I see red and I’m alone with them all day everyday. They are very charismatic sweet cats but sometimes they are just bad doing things they know they shouldn’t be doing because as soon as I catch them in the act the stop doing that action. It’s just hard for me to even get up sometimes and when I do and I clean and get stuff done I barely have patience for them to come along and make a mess. The reason I’m typing this is because I just finished chasing my cat with a broom until he curled up in a corner and cried. This is not me and my next appointment with my therapist is in a month. How the hell do I cope with this until then

 

[Friday]

This is not me and my next appointment with my therapist is in a month. How the hell do I cope with this until then

For me…

Exercise.

Doesn’t really matter whether it’s the boring old shoot me now Gym… can you tell how much I looooove the gym?… or something fun like snowboarding, surfing, martial arts, dancing, circus arts, swimming with dolphins, horseback riding, gymnastics, rock climbing, sex, something, anything. BURN OFF all the fight/flight chemicals swirling around in my blood. Then??? (After a shower!) I can focus on zen-Jedi-chill shit. And actually feel it. Rather than be gritting my teeth trying not to pop off like a frog in a sock. Or, worse that white knuckling? Seem perfectly fine, smiles, and kaBOOM! Blow the hell up at someone/something, for no damn reason. As the only upside to being snarly snappy intolerably pissed off? Is that I know it.

&/because >>> The ptsd cup explanation

 

[Darwin46n2]

I sincerely hope you’re feeling better. I'm relatively new to this community and can really connect with your experiences. I’m married and have two dogs who mean everything to me. I’ve decided to not have any children because I worried I wouldn’t be able to support them emotionally, especially since taking care of myself has been a challenge. I have no friends or family. My husband and our two dogs are my primary sources of support. Recently, I’ve found myself having angry outbursts directed at my husband and pushing my dogs away when they try to show me affection. It became clear that I needed professional help quickly. That’s when I discovered NEMA, an online company that provides comprehensive therapy focused on Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT) and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). Luckily, my insurance covers their services. What I really appreciate is that after completing the CPT program, which involves about 10 to 15 sessions, they offer a variety of DBT group courses. I recently finished the Emotional Regulation course and just started the Distress Intolerance one. These group sessions present numerous strategies for managing emotions, and I can’t recommend NEMA enough. I really hope my experience can be of help to you.