Death Dealing With The Death Of My Grandfather Who Abused Me

[lostandtonguetied]

My grandfather just died and I have been cut off from my family completely since I was 16. Now at 18 he has died and I feel...relieved and scared... I'm definitely triggered and I don't know what to do or how to handle this. He was an extremely abusive man, and I feel like I'm a bad person to think even say that I am relieved that he is dead. I'm surprised how much it hurts too. He... It's really confusing but I'm sad at the loss too, genuinely upset by it. Am I going crazy? Is this normal?

 

[Kailani]

That sounds normal! Grieving can bring up a lot of emotions; sadness, anger, relief. It sounds like you are experiencing the rounded picture of your grandfather; the good and the bad. Hope you go easy on yourself and take care of yourself during this time.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

My mom, whom was on of my main abusers, died 7/28 and im walking through craziness but a few tips ive learned so far:

• Give yourself time and space to feel, whatever. Nothing is wrong. Everything deserves the same space.
• You may feel normal grief. Sadness. Loss of hope of "what ifs". If so, they need space too.
• Dont fight, just be. It didnt all settle until i stopped fighting to grab ahold of something. I felt like i was sinking but it wasnt until I stopped did what needed to come start to. Im still in it but it all settled a ton after I just stopped fighting.
• Dont self judge. A lot of stuff has come that i was so ashamed of and embarrased by. Dont judge it or yourself.
• Share! I wouldnt of been able to navigate this without the wonderful people on here. Be open to advise and opinions.
• And breath! You are doing great! :hug:

 

[lostandtonguetied]

My mom, whom was on of my main abusers, died 7/28 and im walking through craziness but a few...

Thank you so much, that really really is helpful information for me. I'm sorry to hear about your mom though, not only that she died but because she wasn't who you needed her to be. I understand having parents who have turned to abusing their kids 24/7, but I am glad she isn't around to hurt you anymore

 

[lostandtonguetied]

That sounds normal! Grieving can bring up a lot of emotions; sadness, anger, relief. It sounds like y...

Thank you for the advice, I'll try to figure out what I need or what would be helpful. I'm not too good at figuring that out but I will keep trying. Thank you!

 

[Freedomfighter]

My grandfather just died and I have been cut off from my family completely since I was 16. No...

Normal I would say. I can say that I actually displayed the same symptoms, missing an abuser that has hurt me in so many ways. It seems crazy doesn't it?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

My dad my main abuser died and I was told after the fact. I just felt weird and then relief because he could not ever again hurt anyone. And I did not have to live looking over my shoulder anymore. I had cut him off in the eighties. I did not feel sad at all. The main feeling is that I felt so weird, hard to describe, an unexpected blessing for me.

Everyone here has given you such great advice and I am sure that you will get so much good support here. I am sorry about your pain.:hug: