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Deb, my friend killed herself this morning.

Thread starter #121
Thanks this was really, really helpful in reframing my thinking. I was brainwashed to think everything was my fault as a kid, and your reassurance really assists so much. I do take on what you say and think about it. It was pointed out to me recently (in another situation) that instead of venting that coming back and giving feedback on what was useful might be a solid way to solidify my learning and reinforce those new neural pathways that I am growing each day.

I must say all the comments have given me comfort. They have also challenged some assumptions that I didn't know I was acting from. Particularly helpful was the comments gently but firmly confronting my distorted cognitions really did help. I resay that back to myself.

I have decided to dedicate a few things to my friend Deb - some actions that I do on behalf of her. Because she did see me in some ways, and she was a good friend. So I will do positive things inspired by the great parts of her, whilst missing her at some important parts of my life. We were good friends and spent a lot of time together at times. She was like family, and I do miss her. We did things together. We had a lovely friendship. I never told her about my PTSD or etc, but I did tell her I had suffered anxiety and had taken antiDs and antianxiety drugs. She got me. And losing that brought up that deprivation of my very sad childhood.

And MyPTSD forum family means a lot to me - I wish I had ways of talking to you other than just about this stuff. I wish I could engage more with people from here - what you say is so useful that I want to ask all these other questions.

With Much Gratitude,
ms spock
Thread starter #126
Thanks @VioletButterfly and @scout86 so today is a year later. If she had just left her husband and gone elsewhere instead of killing herself out of anger that he wouldn't downsize houses, yes I know that's a pretty crazy thing to say, because if it hadn't been about that it could have been about something else I know. It's so bizarre or the conspiracy theories going totally off the richter scale out there in out a recent suicide. I don't want to get into that but I really am here today a little bit with this.

Ah Deb, I miss you. I am so sorry that you were so prejudiced against people with mental illness that you couldn't be honest with yourself and seek help about what was really your problem. Anxiety, depression and trauma. I didn't trust you enough to tell you my story but I don't think it would have made a difference. I told you I had taken antidepressants, and you listened to me a little bit less after that but that's life. Prejudice is a terrible thing. It cost you your life.

Thanks to everyone who has written to me in this thread and in my other threads. Your comfort and attention to detail has meant a lot.
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