Deb, my friend killed herself this morning.

[ms spock]

Fair point @Freida. I don't know. You are right.

The thing is she surrounded herself with the dumbest people who wouldn't have called her on anything. She did the typical suicide thing of rallying as if she was getting better as well.

So even every where I go are reminders. Deb and I in the upstairs parking. Deb and I at the Vegan cafe. Deb and I going places. I never shared my history with her but we were close for awhile anyway.

 

[littleoc]

It is unfair. I’m so sorry.

 

[ms spock]

The previous wife of Eric also committed suicide. Deb had talked to me about how selfish he was. I had said many months ago that she could leave him rather than go down the plughole, but she said she was going on retreat and not seeing people anymore, so I didn't get to have that conversation again. When she retreated I wish I had said what it felt like to me that she was retreating in preparation for a suicide attempt. But I thought I should respect her boundaries, and I almost told the whole friendship network the eight people but then I was scared of losing my place, and now that they have been so incompetent I don't have respect for them. I also feel betrayed because they knew what I had been doing with them.

The doctors had told her it was anxiety and not a physical illness, so she went doctor shopping and they also said it was anxiety and not a physical illness, and she saw another doctor and had an assessment in a hospital and they also said it was anxiety and not a physical illness. So then for awhile she retreated into anger at no one taking her physical symptoms seriously, they were taking them seriously and then she went to other doctors who kept giving her all this medication, which she would crush up and divide up to an eighth of a tablet and never take it again. She had a pharmacy going over there, so she joined all these IBS forums and took the medications and natural therapies that they were taking. Some doctors said it was depression and not physical illness. But some of those natural therapists charged her a fortune and gave her some crazy arse suggestions and some dangerous suggestions. One tried to get her to take a combination of antibiotics to kill the bacteria in her gut. I fought her on that, and she decided not to go through it. Those people milked her for money, and her anxiety was palpable.

At times she would look into online anxiety forums and Mindfulness exercises and downloaded apps to do with these types of things. And she would really get into them. I gave her David Burns, and a heap of other books.

 

[Teasel]

Sorry for your loss Living in the 70's X

 

[Chiqui]

I am very sorry for your loss ?

 

[DharmaGirl]

I am so sorry. It is so hard for the survivors. I'm hoping her pain is gone, and she will learn what she needs to before she returns. Much love and hugs, Dharma.

 

[Renestel]

I really understand this as I have been grieving from a friend that committed suicide three weeks ago and all that people could say about was that it was disgusting. I saw her two days before she did it and for weeks I blamed myself because she was so damn good at putting on a public mask and faking it to where I couldnt tell. When people want to do it, they will find a way. I finally had to accept that and you’re gonna have to as well. All I can say as far as help is I try to live for her at points. When youre in a forest and and hear beautiful birds or see a butterfly, LIVE for them. It will bring you some peace.

 

[Freida]

This morning on FB there was a post about a vet who worked on a vet crisis line who killed herself a couple days ago. People are going insane because no one saw it coming. She worked on the CRISIS LINE. She was someone who helped other vets who wanted to kill themselves. Everyone said the same thing -- she was happy, didn't seem to have any problems, loved helping. Right up until she lost the battle with her demons.

I think looking back is always confusing because you want to find the thing you missed, the way you could have helped, how you could have stopped them. But sometimes their battles are just to much and just too deep ---- and they don't want you to know. They don't want you to see their pain -- and they totally miss how much pain it will cause them afterwards. It's horrible and sad for those left behind. But it's the reality of many suicides. And that is heartbreaking. @Renestel is exactly right - live to honor their memory.

 

[talon]

You did everything you could. You don’t sound judgenental at all.

Many many hugs, @Living in the 70s . It wasn’t your fault at all

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss

 

[Deanna]

This morning on FB there was a post about a vet who worked on a vet crisis line who killed herself a couple days ago. People are going insane because no one saw it coming. She worked on the CRISIS LINE. She was someone who helped other vets who wanted to kill themselves. Everyone said the same thing -- she was happy, didn't seem to have any problems, loved helping. Right up until she lost the battle with her demons.

I think looking back is always confusing because you want to find the thing you missed, the way you could have helped, how you could have stopped them. But sometimes their battles are just to much and just too deep ---- and they don't want you to know. They don't want you to see their pain -- and they totally miss how much pain it will cause them afterwards. It's horrible and sad for those left behind. But it's the reality of many suicides. And that is heartbreaking. @Renestel is exactly right - live to honor their memory.

Sounds like she may have had survivors guilt. You know.. I'm not trying to p*ss on any suicide thread because the whole thing is just beyond comprehension, but so many people are doing this today. My brother did years ago and it was big news. My step mother started the hotline and now its grown to the whole state. So much of this needs to stop. 45,000 people per year in U.S. die from suicide now.
As far as hotlines.. That's a tough job and its volunteer ( here)

(Sorry OP for your loss.. )

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

(((@Living in the 70s )))
I am SO sorry that you have lost your friend in this way! You did the best you could for her.?

 

[Friday]

I feel so angry that I might not go to the funeral.

It was so easy to see where she was heading. And you know this is the story of my life, I see stuff that is coming, I warn people and no one pays attention.

I really want to lash out at people and just disconnect from everyone.

Meant very, very kindly... You might consider that it’s nof your fault she committed suicide, and it’s not everyone else’s fault, either.

It’s natural to be angry, and to want to blame someone.

All of you tried, the best way each of you knew how, but at the end of the day it was always your friend Deb’s decision. Whom to listen to, whom to cut out, what courses to take in life and take into her heart. And finally? To act. Each of you tried. She was blessed to have all of you in her life, with your many different ways of trying to help her. It’s not your fault. Maybe calling professionals would have saved her life. Maybe it would have pushed her over the edge far sooner. We can’t know the answers to ”What if???”. We only have the answers to what actually happened. She was loved. She took her own life, anyway.

That’s tragedy, and grief, and heartbreak. But it’s what happened. She was loved. By many. And she chose to die.

Blaming yourself, blaming others... it’s natural, but it’s also a distraction, and misdirected.

You didn’t kill her.
They didn’t kill her.
All of you tried to save her life.
She didn’t want to be saved.

My deepest condolences. The world is a lesser place without her, which I know is true without ever having met her, because you loved her.