Delayed Ejaculation

[Frogs88]

A question for the guys or even couples out there. Has anybody ever had a problem with delayed ejaculation? My boyfriend can't ejaculate when he's with me. I'm hoping that it's because we haven't been together for long and it'll go away when we get more comfortable with one another. But I also know that it tends to be related to a traumatic sexual experience. So, does anybody have any advice on this?

 

[illusionist]

Is he taking medication?....this can cause it.

 

[mzander]

I read it once.... twice.... Where is the problem? :)

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

How long have you been together? I misunderstood the first time I read your post. I apologize.
Maybe it's too soon, and he needs more time to feel comfortable.

I'd say to hold off for a while, and let him know that a good friendship needs to grow so you can both ne more relaxed and just let things happen. No pressure.

Good luck!

 

[Mit]

Anti depressants can cause this, they did in my case. Otherwise I guess it could be down to a wide range of things. Hopefully you are both able to talk about it to each other.

 

[anonymous]

So he's a survivor, too? Otherwise are you just guessing that he's been traumatized? (Not a good thing to do.)

 

[Go Hungry]

@mzander It can sometimes make a person feel inadequate when they can't get their partner there.

And I've run into this problem as well. It can somtimes take a long time to get there for me. Which would be fine I guess, but we're talking 30 to 45 minutes or more. Contrary to popular belief, some women aren't built for marathon sex. Either that or way too fast, which might have something to do with my age and smoking (probably more smoking than anything else). Anyways, I can prevent myself from blasting off too early through sheer force of will, but if I do that; I'm not going to finish, period. Ain't going to happen. At one time this would have killed my self-esteem, but there is plenty of fun to be had despite the fact. ;)

My suggestion would be... well.. maybe take a break after a while, do some cuddling and more foreplay in the middle until he's closer, then try and finish up. Also certain... behaviours... can help sometimes... (okay, what I'm saying is that a little playful kink never hurt the situation. :angelic:)

 

[digger]

But I also know that it tends to be related to a traumatic sexual experience.

Is this something you know he's experienced? Or do you mean you're worried it might be connected to your experience?

 

[Keepingthefaith5]

In the same boat! Sexual survivor? Mine is a vet dealing with combat ptsd. We both have an open communication and with his antidepressants , ptsd medication, it is sometimes difficult for him to keep it up or come fast, even to have a desire for sex. We are going to start going to couples therapy for this among other issues. Have you talked to him about it?

 

[Friday]

With certain meds the silver longing name is 'pornstar effect'.

Huh. That autocorrected silver lining... And I think I'll leave it as is.

Always feel damn awful for the guys. QuickTime has work arounds, but losing the release & relief? Just cruel.

 

[Anarchy]

I know the other guys have already mentioned SSRIs. They really are sh!t for everyone involved (and unless someone is in the most serious state of depression, ie in hospital and even getting dressed is far too difficult for them, then SSRIs are no more use than a placebo Dead Link Removed If either of you are on them, read the link and then ask yourselves why? If you do decide to come off them, careful to come off slowly - from what I've seen SSRI cold turkey is more hellish than from heroin).

OK, stimulation, are you using condoms? they can really cut down stimulation and sensation.

has he been mutilated? over half of the sense receptors that a male was meant to have, were in the inside of the foreskin and the frenulum, if it is gone, they are gone.

What can you do to increase stimulation?

Do it face to face with the lights on, so he can see your face and your enjoyment, you can communicate, kiss etc.

don't wear a T shirt or something like, which lessens skin on skin contact with him.

Stimulate some of his other sensitive areas at the same time, nipples - rub them, tweak them, nibble them, - both at once is even better than just one. if he'll let you, and you don't have sharp fingernails, gently go for his anus too, just inside at the front you can stimulate his prostate. The more you can stimulate at the same time, the better.

Happy experimenting.

 

[Frogs88]

Well no, my boyfriend has not got PTSD. I'm the one with PTSD from rape. He also isn't on any medications. When I said sexual trauma with things like this it can be something as small as parents making sex out to be 'dirty' or a previous girlfriend chiding him. I really wasn't thinking sexual abuse but I guess I should have been careful using such terms on this site. I just knew that this is a problem trauma survivors can have if wondered if anybody had tips on how to deal with it. I mean, we try for about two hours before we give up, and i'm really not exaggerating there. We stop to make out more, get more relaxed, or more worked up and it just doesn't happen for him.

Thanks @Anarchy and @Go Hungry, I have tried most of that but there are some pointers in there I can use.