Depression to dissociation

[Overcoming]

I hate days like this. I might have a spell of a good week or so and then I wake up teary, aware of intense feelings of loneliness and fear, and depressed. Functioning is nearly impossible as I'm quickly propelled into a dissociative stare wherein I feel like I'm floating and behaviours, thoughts, and words are of no consequence. I'm dull. Blunted. Sinking. I want someone to hug me and help me to ground, but there is no one for that. I want to sit with my therapist, but I know it is a fake, manufactured relationship that stops at the threshold of her office. Therapy will end one day and so will the relationship. I cannot allow attachment. Yesterday I was fine. Today I want to go home and sleep everything away. I've been pickingp my legs, partially out of anger, but also because I feel helpless and low. I feel like there is something wrong with me. People don't function like this.

 

[EveHarrington]

What if instead of thinking of it as a fake manufactured relationship, you thought of it as a limited relationship?

Your therapist cares, but there are limits and boundaries to the extent of what she can do.

Instead of thinking of attachment in extreme all in terms, how about attaching in a more limited way? Leave the door cracked open instead of putting up walls. Allow her to care for you in the here and now, knowing she is a tool for moving forward and healing?

Hugs.

 

[shimmerz]

People don't function like this.

Yes, you are right. They learn how to change perspective and that leads to healing. That is the nature of PTSD.

 

[Overcoming]

@EveHarrington Thankfully, I have a good T. I talked with her about how I have been feeling. I really need to get over this abandonment/rejection junk. Next week, we'll begin doing EMDR with a focus on meeting and feeling the inner child. I think that will be interesting. EMDR had helped with sexual abuse memories, so I'm hopeful. Thank you for your encouragement