Despair Is Back Today

[jesse]

I woke up this morning to a severe depression. I feel like I have this 250# man sitting on my chest and I can't push him off and get up and face the day. My depression has been improving since starting therapy 5 weeks ago but today is not going so well. I live in such a rural area that there is no way to meet people my age and make friends. The past 16 months (moved here Aug 2009) I have no friends around for support which is the first time in my life without this. The isolation has really exascerbated PTSD symptoms. I know that sometimes I just have to sit with these feelings and it will pass hopefully in a few hours.

 

[deer_in_headlights]

(((((((((((((Jesse)))))))))))))))
I'm with you, in spirit...

 

[Deleted member 5760]

Sometimes I wake up with a sense of depression. I find it amazing how my mood changes as I wake. My T explained this in this sense ---

Sometimes we deal with things in our dreams. Maybe you cant remember the issue which you dealt with subconsiously while asleep. Perhaps it was saddening. Thus, you woke up feeling depressed but you can't put your finger on why, etc.

Look at it as a sense of achievement, because just maybe in some strange ironic way - you just dealt with something. And now you're crying. Numbness is a problem with PTSD. You just felt something. And yes, it passes.

 

[jesse]

I was going to start a thread in the trauma diary forum last night but started feeling overwhelmed and didn't know where to start. I know Anthony said to start with the most severe trauma but I don't know which was most severe. Anyway I started feeling confused and then my anxiety level was at a 9 or 10 so I decided it wasn't a good idea and went to bed. I wish I could cry superjen but very rarely do. I want to but it's like that emotion isn't really there. I am feeling a little better now after a shower and coffee. Thanks guys.

 

[intothelight]

There are many mornings that I wake up depressed or anxious, and I just had decided to accept it as a part of the PTSD. Jen, your T made a really good point and I never thought of it that way. Actually, it explains a whole lot.

Jesse, it is amazing how things can improve with a shower and coffee. Sometimes just pushing ourselves to start the day, or anything, can make substantial changes in mood. Seems like the roller coaster of emotion is a daily ride.

Hope your day improves.

Debbie

 

[externalsmile]

*hugs*

 

[Tinyflame]

Superjen I think your T could be right because I remember waking up once super-sad and then heard later of what I had talked about in my sleep (I didn't recall dreaming anything). It made me feel relieved there was a 'reason'.

 

[externalsmile]

It is completely normal to have a bad day hun.

That dream yoke that Jen mentioned....that sounds pretty interesting. Might look into that more.

Now as for that fat man.....tell him to get off your chest and go get you chocolate. I have icecream in the freezer so we can have a big pity party today xxx

 

[tigrou465]

I'm with you in thinking.
I did experience a major down after a few weeks of therapy. After a couple of days the pain was not as severe and I could function a bit more. It happen to me this week to wake up and feel that horrible pain. I could not get up. I've stayed in bed all day. The next day was a better day. So remember you are not alone... Hugs to you

 

[Iam]

I wish I could cry superjen but very rarely do. I want to but it's like that emotion isn't really there.

I'm sorry it was a tough day Jesse. (((HUGS)))

It is normal to feel depressed and more symptomatic during therapy. You are working on some very hard stuff. The first sessions are usually the T taking your history, getting to know each other and building up trust.
Then you start getting into the meat of it and it can be hard. For me most often it hits me a couple of days after my session. Though I am finding with my new EMDR specialist it hits much faster, usually the same day. I suppose it is different with everyone, but if you are truly working on the important stuff you can expect to have some lashback from it. It's important to build calming and self soothing skills to combat it.

I understand about wanting to cry, but not being able to. Keep up with your therapy Jesse and eventually you will be able to break thru and cry. When I started therapy I was emotionally numb (the reason I started therapy in the first place) and very depressed. I hadn't cried in years. I knew I had to cry, but was terrified of it alone with all intense emotions. I have cried several times during the last year since starting therapy (though not during a session yet.) The first times I cried I dissociated. That was very scary for me. I dissociated again last month when I cried. Again very scary. Last night my husband and I were in a serious discussion. I ended up crying very hard and let him hold me (not something I normally don't let anyone do when I am feeling upset.) It felt so good to get the pain out and I didn't dissociate this time!

Sorry for rambling. I just want you to know that what you are going thru is "normal" for someone with PTSD who is in therapy. It means that you are making progress!