Desperate Help Needed. 22 Yr Male.

[Nick S]

Hi.

I have never reached out and asked for help before. The only person who knows my past can't is my now, ex girlfriend. She's changed my life forever and I felt I needed to be open and honest and told her everything.

When I was aged 11-12 I was abused by a male math teacher (don't mistake for raped) I am a 22 year old male myself.

I didn't understand what happened until age 16 and seeked assistance. I was diagnosed with PTSD. This has caused NO END OF PROBLEMS in my life, mainly with emotions. Irrational responded and utter loss of control in any relationship and I need help.

I do not understand any aspect of trust.
If I knew what that was, I would try to help but I just.. Don't.

I become clingy and possessive over someone who I'm with. It's almost like they are holding my life and I'm begging them not to let go.

I get upset over something another person would look past. Another guy in her life, something she said and I convinced myself it was bad or wrong and I can't handle my partner going out at night, clubbing etc.

I have extremely bad anxiety issues and have a fear of being alone and abandoned By my other half. Which, as you would expect lands me in the "crazy" category and they walk away from me.

I need to see a therapist and I've explained everything from A to Z with this girl. She's special and is willing to consider if I get my problems under control and "not be crazy"
Just a note, people see me as gay as I am not a typical guy. I understand girls so much and I'm not like other guys. I don't believe I am Gay.

I need working advise on how to resolve the above until I can see help. I've tried so many things and the only thing that works is opioid based drugs, clearly not sustainable, especially with we work together and lived together and so on.


Just a note I am in New Zealand.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

@Nick S welcome to the forum firstly, I myself am a male rape victim. I totally understand what you are going through. IMHO openness and honesty really are the obly way to deal with these issue's. I wish you all the best in therapy and hope that the forum is of great benefit to you as it has been to myself.

Kindest regards and a virtual :hug: from the UK if you accept it.

Laurie

 

[Mallaky]

Hello

I hope you find what you need here! Your issues are pretty standard PTSD stuff, which is good, because that means help is available and you are neither crazy nor insane, but ill. :)

I am gay, and people have a hard time believing because I look like a stereotypical guy :P funny world

if you need help kicking an opioid habbit I suggest you research kratom. It will help tremendously.

 

[mrsps]

Hi @Nick S ...... it is nice to see another kiwi on here :)

I am sorry to hear what happened with your maths teacher :(
In NZ people who have been sexually abused can get free counselling through ACC (sensitive claims) I would advise you to look into this to see if you qualify. Wishing you all the best in getting the help you need :)

 

[WillyKat]

Welcome Nick,

We have a similar story, one I can easily related to. I was molested (raped) at age six by a neighbor. I didn't get any help at all until about age 26. Back at your age and much longer, I was very clingy with women, especially one in particular. And I have a hard time being around men, but am not gay.

I can only speak for my own experience. Some of this may apply to you, or it might not.

But, the root source of my clinginess with women was because none of my caregivers, mostly female, could read the signs that something serious was wrong with me. To make a very long story short, I kept looking to this particular woman to be the ideal caregiver, to heal all my wounds, to understand my encrypted messages, to save my sorry ass. Without her, all was lost.

It took many years to reach that realization, and the last two to finally put it aside. And I'm now 55 years old. I grew up in a different era, in a cultural backwater. Getting help didn't enter my vocabulary until long after a great deal of damage had been done.

Once I realized the root of the problem, I could work on accepting the very bitter pill that I'm the only one that can save my ass. Expecting, demanding that one woman perform the miracle of traveling back in time and being the perfect caregiver for when I hurt so badly puts a lot of pressure on the woman. It isn't fair to them. She isn't a superhero, so she'll never reach the level of perfection you need. No wonder they run away from us. If I were them, I'd run away from me too. No, the answer is that you have to love yourself, and be the caregiver you never had. I'm sorry to say, because I truly know how much it hurts, but you have to accept the responsibility for your healing. Along the way, you can choose friends the provide support, join a forum like you have here, get therapy. You can free your friend from the impossible demand and have a much better relationship.

I hope that helps. The good news is, like I said, its a different era. You've already seen a shrink and I hope you are now. You've got a lot of life in front of you and can avoid the thorny path I took. That's right, my main purpose is to serve as a warning to others.

So take that bitter pill, it will help in the long run.

 

[Nick S]

Hi @Nick S ...... it is nice to see another kiwi on here :)

I am sorry to hear what ha...

Hi there

I got ACC when I was younger and need to do it again. Does it help though, and how?

 

[mrsps]

ACC will provide you with counselling so you can talk/work through your issues. It is important to find a counsellor/therapist that is a good fit for you to get the best results. You should be able to go through your doctor or you can google ACC sensitive claims and look for a counsellor in your area and give them a call and they can help you through the steps. :)

 

[Nick S]

Thank you to everyone who's replied.

Does anyone have tricks or tips on how to deal with the Horrible feelings when they come? My ex and I are working on this but she can't keep getting the "shit side" of me.

 

[WillyKat]

Breathe. Ten deep breaths, then ten more. When we get angry or anxious, our breathing gets shallow and makes it worse.

Look up mindfulness and grounding. These attach us more firmly to the present moment. Often, when angry, we're locked in the traumatic past.