Despising the holidays

[Friday]

I’m looking forward to Black Friday because I’m going to buy an iPad for my daughter so she can make drawings with more ease than on her kindle fire. And I have a little money this year so it won’t be a hardship.

Procreate, which is an about $10 app is craaaaaaazy amazing.

There are also other cool ones (IE, don’t buy it, let her choose), but save a tenner.

 

[enough]

holidays are just numbers on a calendar here, but my kids are all married and have in laws that need the family thing on the prescribed day so we are the easily pleased parents that dont care what day it is, show up any time, together, apart, no problem. We generally see them a week after the big days, or not, no problem. gifts are exchanged and special food is prepared, as we do whenever we feel like it.
Christmas is a memory of life before a cult entered my parents lives and by default mine too but it has become less about after and more about before the change. the biggest thing i do for myself is to go to a grade school christmas pagent of some kind, it has become the link to the holidays that makes it all feel like it is still just a little bit special. Go and sing a song you learned so long ago you cant remember not knowing it, that gets in there deep enough to root out some of the lost joy every time for me.

 

[Friday]

Christmas is a memory of life

Also? Double time & a half

Says someone who would rather celebrate Xmas in July. On an island. In the tropics. So I’m a bit biased.

Nothing is more painful, IME, than memories of joy.

Which is prolly why the suicde rate is the highest over the holidays. Regardless of which holidays one celebrates. That’s when people most often off themselves. Christmas in Christian countries. Others elsewhere.

 

[OliveJewel]

Procreate

That’s kind of why she wants to get it. But she wants to try Ibis Paint too. She says she’s ready to start using a stylus even though she’s so skilled with her finger.

Nothing is more painful, IME, than memories of joy.

Hmmm… never thought about that. Those seem to be mostly blocked for me. Except for when I had the babies. Yeah those memories can be painful.

 

[abovedown]

I like spending time with my lived ones but the expectations and pressure on traditions cause me anxiety during holidays

Also? Double time & a half

Says someone who would rather celebrate Xmas in July. On an island. In the tropics. So I’m a bit biased.

Nothing is more painful, IME, than memories of joy.

Which is prolly why the suicde rate is the highest over the holidays. Regardless of which holidays one celebrates. That’s when people most often off themselves. Christmas in Christian countries. Others elsewhere.

Of feeling like you need to be joyful even if you feel like mourning or being pissed off

 

[OliveJewel]

need to be joyful

This is a really painful way to exist. It used to be so normal for me I never noticed it. It’s weird how much we can tolerate.

 

[abovedown]

This is a really painful way to exist. It used to be so normal for me I never noticed it. It’s weird how much we can tolerate.

I have friends you post loved ones recently abd they said that Christmas is one of hardest tife of the year for them

 

[Friday]

Of feeling like you need to be joyful even if you feel like mourning or being pissed off

Clearly, you’ve never lost a child.

 

[OliveJewel]

I am specifically despising Thanksgiving on many levels today. The level of gathering—painful. The level of memories of family—no thank you. The level of waste—Blech. The level of colonialism—hateful.

friends you post loved ones recently abd they said that Christmas is one of hardest tife of the year for them

Also have a friend who just lost her mom suddenly—mom only 50 something. Friend said every day she gets a tidal wave of sadness and the rest of the time it’s zombie feeling. She does the pretend joy thing around even friends. Grieving is hard to do in some places and times, especially if no one ever modeled it for you and you are young and successful in your career as a helper/healer.

never lost a child

Sending love. Life is so hard sometimes. Rocks piling on top of rocks on top of your chest. Certain events surely do change how a person interacts with humans.

 

[Tinyflame]

My mom used to say when I was a kid 'that Christmas is the hardest time of the year for many, for different reasons, eg drinking and abuse escalates. So I was always mindful of that. In some ways I became one of those persons.

I think it is incredibly astute from @Friday to say recognize what causes pain. And the contrast to losing joy. Or different connotations. We once had Christmas in July for a sick relative. Not per se a sad memory. Something more to do at December Christmas with loss (of joy, dreams), Idk.

the expectations and pressure on traditions cause me anxiety during holidays

My sister said long ago if your traditions are killing you time to change your traditions. i think that is wise. But also, it shouldn't feel 'required', there shouldn't be a wrong way to do it ideally.

Where I work it's the most exhausting time. I think at work I expect to put on a total front. I know I am different and old school (I expect to do it in the public eye), but I also don't want to bring people down genuinely (especially outside of work), nor get in the way of their own plans/ families, and one part not wanting to wallow either. In the way of nothing changes until it changes. Wherein i think for me it centers toward or circles back to gratitude and beliefs.

 

[No More]

Yea Christmas was a major issue with me for a long time. I couldn’t have anything to do with any of it. I couldn’t do presents, food, decorations - anything. I couldn’t handle any part of it. For years I volunteered to work, and turned my phone off through it. I literally did nothing. The last two or three years I’ve verrry slowly started to do a little bit of what I enjoy.

A meal with people I love. A couple of meaningful gifts for those super close to me rather than piles of absolute crap that nobody really wants and will sit unused for years. Visit to family members I am close with.

I still don’t do decorations, I don’t buy into the commercial aspect of it. I just take the opportunity to enjoy some nice food with people I care about most.

 

[OliveJewel]

Something more to do at December Christmas with loss (of joy, dreams), Idk.

This is very insightful; speaks to me. The turning under of the year. Loss of dreams. Helpful.

I literally did nothing.

That’s been me ever since the divorce. If I don’t have the kids, I’m parked. No longer drinking and getting high ( praise God) but I haven’t yet been able to do anything for myself. Every year I tell my mom I’m going hiking with friends but I never have. There’s a kind of oil slick on Christmas and Thanksgiving for me. And when people ask me what I did I can’t even tell them nothing. Because that doesn’t fit with my so-called positive personality.

I used to know a grump at one of my first jobs—at the grocery store. He was a night stocker. And I asked him what he did for Christmas (in those days the store still closed for Christmas) and he said, “Just another day for me!” And he said it with his characteristic sourness. And my little miss sunshine part was miffed.

And now I realize I can’t even say such a thing out loud because I’m a teacher of kids and I can’t be a sour grump, I have to be positive inspiration at all times. Oh boy, I’ve really tied these knots tight.