Did Past Events Really Happen

[Punky143]

I'm always confused. Always questioning if events took place good or bad almost as if I live in this pretend world. It's rather cruel I think because it's not as if I can just ask someone the simple question and get a simple answer. So I'm left to figure it out myself. I've kept the few friends I have left at bay so I don't scare them away plus one of them inside tells me all the time I don't need friends anyway. Can anyone relate?

 

[Sideways]

I'm struggling with imperfect, fractured memory issues at the moment, and if someone could just confirm it already. Not knowing for absolute certain has been sending me over the deep end. What's real? What's not? How much is real? Questions that I'll never get solid answers to.

What I do know for absolute certain - I have serious psychological issues going on, issues that I couldn't fake even if I tried. I can't fake things like my gut reaction to grey carpet. That's real. It's coming from somewhere. And I have memories which the literature says are probably pretty accurate, and it can't be coincidence that my "memory" fits perfectly (like, 100% perfect fit) with the usual repercussions from csa, so...

There is no written guarantee. But there is, in time, a certain degree of faith that you build up in yourself, learning to trust yourself, and acceptance instead of self-doubt and denial. The memory may never be perfect (memory isn't), but that's okay. Frustrating, but okay.