Difficult Session - But Really Excited And Hopeful

[ghotiff]

My new T is sooooooo much better than my ex-T (well, at least for me..... and thats what counts!)

So today I discussed my parents and their denial of my abuse (mainly my mother) with my new T. My ex-T, after a similar conversation, asked if I had rebelled as a teenager, I said no, she said, maybe its time that you did. My ex-T then suggested I that I do bunch of 'small' things, but things that would significantly rock the boat with my family. I tried again, to explain how risky these things were but she continued to encourage me to do them.

Today my new T, listened to basically the same discussion but had a total different response. She validated my feelings, linked what I said today with what I said last week and even the week before. She re-stated what I said from a different perspective (more like a high level overview of how this has impacted me, which was really quite interesting) and gave me opportunity to clarify anything that she had misinterpreted. OMG....what a difference !!! Then, to top this all off.....I described how I had a few questions that I sometimes think to ask my mother, but that I wouldn't do it because of the risks. She told me that she would never encourage me to do something I wasn't sure of. Wow!

The other thing that happened today is that I told her a little about my abuse. At one point I started to disassociate (my least favourite version where I go all tunnel vision, faint and buzzy). My instant response was 'not again....what do I do....do I tell her before I stop being able to speak' (by that point it was too late, and I don't think I could have spoken), I was really stressed about it because this would happen constantly with my ex-T and my ex-T would keep speaking, and I would keep getting worse and worse. Well....today my new T did keep speaking, but it wasn't triggering, it was kind, and so in a short period I was back ....and it only happened the once.

I just wanted to share because it gives me so much hope for the future.

 

[City Slicker]

That is wonderful ghotiff. I hear and see such courage in your post - it also gives me hope that we can find the right people in our lives - whether they are therapists, friends, etc. I always say 'hope' is one of the very first casualties of PTSD. It is so joyful to hear hope in your experience.

 

[Healing Reins]

I'm excited for you @ghotiff I think this will for sure open some doors for you! Good luck!

 

[Suzetig]

I'm so pleased you seem to have found a good (for you) therapist. It really does make all the difference to feel listened to, supported and held when you're feeling so vulnerable. A good therapist is truly worth their weight in gold and yours sounds like a keeper :hug:

 

[Fadeaway]

That is wonderful and so encouraging!

 

[ghotiff]

Thanks everyone :)

It constantly amazes me how different she is to my first T. I'm even letting my guard down and not tracking what I say each week. Sometimes I feel a bit bad because I keep repeating myself, but maybe its a good thing, maybe she will get a more rounded view of what is going on for me if I say the same story but from different moods and perspectives.

 

[joeylittle]

Awesome! :tup: It is amazing what a difference the therapeutic relationship makes. Obviously so, but amazing nonetheless.

Don't feel bad about repeating. Mine tells me that it is what's on my mind, so I should say it, and that he learns a great deal from the frequency of certain thoughts I share. I say feeling open and not tracking your every move in therapy is a great thing.

 

[Justmehere]

It sounds like you are both doing great work together! yay! Validation can be so powerful and healing. :)