Difficulty Crying

[Cinnamon4z]

So I know many of us here have these crying spells where one can't help but continuously sob.
But I have the opposite issue most of the time. I have trouble crying when i need to.
The past couple weeks, been having couple episodes of very strong terror, panic, and such- about work, life and having to drive on rainy road....
My body was shaking, and feeling very tense. And I was feeling sad that I am missing out on so much...
I wanted to cry and let it all out so i could focus on my work and such- but tears wouldn't pour!
I managed to get a few tears out friday and i felt a bit better - but crying has always been so difficult for me. Haven't cried much since I was a kid. I didn't really sob when my mom passed away years ago either though I was real sad and missed her following her passing.

And the months following my car crash, I did cry some nights. But it was all very painful- and it hurt like hell emotionally and physically.... I had to keep pushing myself and 'brave it out' - dealing with countless doctors, lawyers, adjusters, etc...

What are some ways to allow yourself to cry when you need to?

 

[Kintsugi]

I usually have trouble crying, then go through days, weeks, or months when I can't stop.

I have found that one of two of the following but ideally both need to be present for me to cry:

I need to feel safe being vulnerable and/or

I need to be so overwhelmed with stress or grief that it is impossible to hold back

Often the latter is a byproduct of being in direct confrontation and conflict with someone. I can't handle raised voices or a torrent of accusations/endictments from someone. Either I will go completely and irrevocably numb in dissociation, or I will begin bawling helplessly.

Crying is physiologically important, and sometimes meditating on that fact helps me feel more free to do so. Tears are a release valve, like the safety function of a pressure cooker. Crying helps rid the body of cortisol, if I'm not mistaken.

Something else that sometimes help is trying to create a setting or environment where it feels safe and appropriate to cry.

I feel for you, though. The times when I really, really need to cry and can't are tortuous and feel like suffocation to me. Sometimes if I feel I can't cry in the midst of my stressors, after those things are resolved, I go through those days/weeks/etc where I can't stop crying (because I feel like the threat is over), and that sucks, too.

(((Cinnamon)))

 

[Chimera]

I am sorry you are having trouble with crying. Our tears can be so liberating. I have that issue though expressed differently.
Sometimes, when I am overwhelmed and tears start falling, I almost immediately shut down. Often I don't even realize I've stopped crying. It's a weird place for me..I try to hold onto the emotion because honestly, I miss the emotional catharsis.
I miss crying.
I am sure some must think this strange, I do because when young I also had crying jags where everything made me sob, just ripped my heart out. For weeks.
I am pretty sure I do it because I tell myself it won't help and that it might become the sobbing uncontrollable sort of crying.
Hope you find a safe place to expose your self.
hugs if you accept

 

[Friday]

What are some ways to allow yourself to cry when you need to?

I don't cry as a rule. I can understand it makes some people feel better intellectually, but for me it simply doesn't. It makes me feel worse. Incomparably worse.

I've cried more times in the past year than I have in the past 20 years; and each time was seriously bad news. If my eyes are just stinging/burning it's not so bad, and apparently I sometimes cry in my sleep (waking oh with my eyes swollen shut, lashes glued together with salt, and suicidal as f*ck... That's where crying takes me: not ideation but methods and action).

If I'm going to cry? The only semi-safe methods for it for me are I either need my brains f*cked out nearly as soon as I start, or a shot of haldol/Valium/some kind of sit down & STFU med as fast as possible, or bodies to drop... Sex, meds, or pure and unadulterated rage. Or it will go days (literal days, 72/96 hours go to sleep bawling, continue crying in my sleep, wake up crying... No breaks.., and suicidal as blazes the entire time). As I said, seriously bad juju. I don't do tears. I don't do sadness. Neither are good things for me.

 

[jaccat]

I struggle to cry. I went for years when I couldn't cry at all. Now, after nearly two years of therapy, I am beginning to be able to, but not all the time.

One thing I do, when I want to cry but can't, is to put on a movie- it doesn't even have to be a very sad one, just something that will move me, that I can connect to. If I am in that frame of mind even the slightest bit of emotion on the screen will set me off. I managed to cry watching Step Up one time!

Movies, books, and music are all useful to me when I'm feeling stuck up inside. I might not be crying for me exactly, but it helps to ease whatever is trapped inside me.

 

[Biz]

@Cinnamon4z , I struggle with not being able to cry and wanting to too. Sometimes it will happen randomly which is both a relief and completely disorienting.

Sometimes when I sit calmly in meditation, my eyes will cry without emotions. That's kind of nice. Maybe you could try that.

The only time I've done something that helped me cry more was after reading about IFS, I tried some of the prompts used in that type of therapy to move through defensive parts like, "It's okay. You can step aside now." I lost my sh*t and hit some really dissociated pieces. I don't know if I'd recommend it but it worked for me.

 

[ladee]

I rarely cry. I wish I could cry more. Such a great relief. I think at one time, going thru the brutal memories and being so depressed, feels like I cried for a solid 5 years. Now, nothing. When I had to put my cat down in Jan. I cried until I was sick. She was 24 yrs old. The only constant in my life all those years... I still get teary eyed when I think of her, and my stomach gets in a knot, but rarely cry... I hate it !!! Wish I could find that 'off' switch and turn it back on.

 

[Cinnamon4z]

Biz & Jaccat- thank you for the suggestions. I don't really much like to cry but when i have to, it is best if I am able to. Sometimes I feel very 'bottled up', and emotionally tense & heavy. It is a very uncomfortable and unnerving feeling.
Crying is not something i would ever want to do super frequently especially in front of strangers - but being able to let go of a few tears helps bring me relief.
I tried listening to some sad anime music Friday and that helped get a few tears going and I was able to sleep finally that night.

 

[Ronin]

I stop crying by laughter as soon as possible.

Crying means powerlessness & dragging forever.

Laughter means control & ending whatever it is that makes me that bad off.

Laughter for preference & instant goal it is. I dislike things that drag on, whether they be myself or other people or situations. I need movement and ability to put stop to things at will.

 

[Sandstone]

I can't imagine wanting to cry. It seems so exposed and vulnerable, not something I would want to do in private let alone in front of anyone else. I did once cry in an appointment, and afterwards I couldn't take in anything anyone said, so it was pretty useless

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Be patient, for months I wanted to cry but the tears wouldn't come out, it was very frustrating. Finally, after much patience and self compassion, they started flowing.