Relationship Disagreements and intimacy

[TinyOtter69]

Hi Everyone,

I am new to this forum, but I am so glad that I found it. I have already found some very comforting advice from the other threads.

Anyway, I have been dating my veteran boyfriend for just about 4 months. I love him very much, and we make long term plans and goals. It has been the best thing for me, and he says the same for himself. However, with every relationship, there are minor things that come up here and there.

I come to this relationship with very little experience with discussing issues. I'm a very emotional person to the point where I feel everything. I am working on that by trying to slow myself down and not draw to conclusions right away, and really trying to dissect situations to understand them fully. The first few times we had a serious discussion I would break down and cry because I always thought it was the end. That's what I know, if there's a problem, no one has ever tried to fix it with me.

Some times I feel as though my boyfriend will dominate the discussion or argument if it gets to a point of argument. He will often accuse me of things that I do not intend. For example, if I bring up a more serious subject and he is on his medications, he has accused me of manipulating him, when I don't even realize I've done that. That's just when the conversation came up, and he is a little woozy on his meds. Moving forward I won't do that, but some times I feel like he doesn't let things go.

I have a tough time with the emotional distance. I suffer from depressive episodes. Often times he will not understand why I am upset, and I try to explain to him that I'm just having a bad depression day, but it does not suffice as an answer for him.

Any advice on these matters would be so greatly appreciated! I just want to be able to understand more, and not burnout. I love him very much, and we are so good together! I just hope to be able to foster our discussions a little better, and help us both to understand our differences.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Communication skills are important in any relationship, but they're key in a PTSD relationship. When your partner is symptomatic, it is possible that they will "mind read", project, interpret, and feel attacked. Learning how to remain calm and logical is essential. Using "I statements", not taking things personally, not engaging when your partner may be lashing out... all skills in a good supporter's bag.

It's a huge learning curve. Nobody knows how to all this at first. We all have to learn.

 

[Buttercup]

it is possible that they will "mind read", project, interpret, and feel attacked

This has happened to me too.

 

[Sighs]

all skills in a good supporter's bag.

Sigh! You'd think 4 years in I'd be better at these. I just can't seem to bite my tongue when he is deliberately pushing me for a reaction.

 

[EveHarrington]

I can't stress how important communication is!

I'm a sufferer.

I think I hit the jackpot in finding a guy who thrives on any/all communication. It really helps with my disordered thinking patterns. We have had some rough spots but we talk through EVERYTHING and it really does help, on both sides.

I encourage you to work on communicating better in your relationship.

 

[scout86]

it is possible that they will "mind read", project, interpret, and feel attacked

Actually, I think everybody can do that. We might get caught up in distorted thinking and not catch it, due to PTSD, but I think supporters can easily assume that someone else's behavior means the same thing it would mean if they did it themselves too. (So maybe not wanting to talk jUST means someone doesn't feel like talking, for example.)