Disappointment

[Powder]

Do you ever notice that PTSD sets you up for disappointments (to put it mildly) one after the other? Probably everyone experiences some disappointments, but I mean, that if I had a dime...you get the picture.

What can be expected to ensue from a traumatized life? What is hoped for? Even when I work to keep expectations modest, they seem to backfire unfairly.

Over and over, I feel disappointed, with people, situations, and myself.

I feel like with PTSD for me, there is a pattern of setting myself up for more disappointment than anyone's fair share. Some call this "needless suffering."

The set up of hopeful expectations that something will work out alright seems to precipitate many a pitfall.

Do you have a method or a saying that helps you to temper "positive thinking" in a way that helps lower your expectations enough to prevent a big "thud" when your hopes fall down?

 

[Friday]

I'm an optimistic pessimist. Means I expect everything to go to hell, but when it does? We'll sort it.

Sort of along the same lines as "Plan for the worst, hope for the best."

I don't think I have hopes, per se. I get excited. And I enjoy the hell out of good things while they last. But I don't really "hope", ever. Unpopular view, I know, but I view hope as the enemy. Get off my ass and work for something, rather than sit back and hope for it. No matter how hard I work? May still all go to hell. Pear shaped. Total cockup. f*cked sideways. That's just life. No worries, had worse, we'll manage! :D

I do crash, and hard, coming down off excitement, however. Even with fantastic results... There's simply always a down that matches the up unless I can gentle the landing. It's easier to remember to when it's something bad that has happened and I'm suddenly on my ass, again, rather than something good. Something bad I rather naturally want to go bleed the adrenaline off. Rage and despair both burn, and burn off, too. What's spectacular, though, is when I can remember that if my mood is through the roof? I'm going to have to come down to earth, eventually. So rather than just wait to get knocked off the roof, I can use the same self-care stuff that helps raise me up from being low... Softens the landing coming down from up high, as well. Each side I need to work toward the middle. The exact same tools get me there.

 

[Nam]

Do you have a method or a saying that helps you to temper "positive thinking" in a way that helps lower your expectations enough to prevent a big "thud" when your hopes fall down?

Maybe it doesn't have to be about preventative measures like you are asking (diminishing hope), but rather, deal with the "thud"? There has to be a way to gently be disappointed. To let it motivate you to do better. Or to give you clarity instead of despair. Are these expectations you can control? If not, you are not to shoulder all the blame.

If that doesn't work, then, yes, try to set smaller goals. But please, celebrate them when it works out! Set the bar a little higher. Try again.

 

[Grace Hope]

We all have hopes and expectations. Positive thinking helps but in the long run if things are not for you then they are not for you and big disappointments occur.

Try ` if this is right for me then let it happen at the right time, the right place. I relax and let go of all expectations and allow myself to be guided by the universe.` When you need things ( say what you need ) `I find myself in the right situation to receive all that I need for my life when I need it ( piece of mind, to support my life, for finding a person to share my life, for money to pay bills, clothes, medical care ). Change the wording so that It fits with what you need.

Sometimes you need to wait for a while to see what happens for you it`s not always a good idea to jump in without good information Ask for some one to help you. Buy a book - Louise L Hay How to heal your life is great for this kind of thing so is Susan Jeffers also there are so many other authers out there. Try Ebay or amazon as they are pretty cheap. More books for less money. If you buy off the internet be careful who you buy from.

I have a tribunal for the employment service tomorrow morning and I will be using the same technique. I know it works because I have been using it for years and I do know that it takes time to get your head around it. So don`t give up, find the right phraseology for yourself, and don`t give up on your dreams, aspirations or expectations.

 

[Powder]

Thank you all. I think I can synthesize these responses into a framework to use. I do need to gentle the landing of things, be willing to figure out where I might have mishandled an attitude or an action, and then, be able to positively affirm what I want. Thank you.

Verbally affirming my desires is very difficult for me to do. In my past, it was a bad practice as those around me would see my desires and use them to weaken me. Now, I must remember I am not with those bad people anymore, and it is now time to affirm my desires in life and to allow myself to have them. I do not know why this is so hard, so hard to try to believe in anything.