Skywatcher
MyPTSD Pro
I’m coming off of a very stressful journey of possible cancer (PTS feelings) that has now turned into a “let’s keep watch on the nodule.” Had a therapy rupture, that I thought was resolved and T vacation tossed in there too. When she came back, our meeting was fine. I left ok. Then, I woke up in the middle of the night remembering something that she may or may not have said. I remember her saying that sometimes people do a short term therapy on transference and then come back to finish the work with her. I convinced myself that she wanted me to do this. I don’t want to for multiple reasons including a bad experience with a previous cbt therapist and fear of judgement, shame which may send me off the deep end. Most importantly, being separated from my safe person/place.
I emailed her in a panic and she told me that we will continue working together, we will talk on Monday and all will be okay. While going over this in my head the 20th time I realized that when she said this “see another therapist” stuff to me she was standing by the door, the room was shiny and there may have been another woman vaguely there. This couldn’t have happened in this way. This used to happen to me a lot in my earlier therapy. I would tell her things she had said to me and she couldn’t recall having said them. Memories of her standing different places in the room or even walking me to my car. She doesn’t do these things. In those instances things were shiny as well. Did I dream this whole event and think it was real? Is this my dissociation taking over? I don’t have DID. I do have complex ptsd. I’ve had an MRI recently. No brain tumor. No recent medication change. Just a lot of stress thinking that I might die.
Should I be extra concerned? My normal parts of life had actually been quite good lately in my family and job. Any ideas here?
I emailed her in a panic and she told me that we will continue working together, we will talk on Monday and all will be okay. While going over this in my head the 20th time I realized that when she said this “see another therapist” stuff to me she was standing by the door, the room was shiny and there may have been another woman vaguely there. This couldn’t have happened in this way. This used to happen to me a lot in my earlier therapy. I would tell her things she had said to me and she couldn’t recall having said them. Memories of her standing different places in the room or even walking me to my car. She doesn’t do these things. In those instances things were shiny as well. Did I dream this whole event and think it was real? Is this my dissociation taking over? I don’t have DID. I do have complex ptsd. I’ve had an MRI recently. No brain tumor. No recent medication change. Just a lot of stress thinking that I might die.
Should I be extra concerned? My normal parts of life had actually been quite good lately in my family and job. Any ideas here?