DID Dissociative identity disorder

[Cypress]

I think what @JadeB is trying to say is that once you have accepted wholly (not just intellectually) that all those feelings, memories and thoughts held by your parts actually are an indelible part of you, that acceptance cannot be undone. Once you can honestly say I felt so sad, angry, lonely when abuser x, y, and z did this to me, that is a realization that won't be unrealized.

I also agree that DID does appear to be something quite heterogenous. Some describe experiences that are absolutely nothing like my own. Some have happy, helpful parts, talk about multiplicity as a great asset or flamboyantly switch on youtube. If that is DID then I do not have it. For me, all of the parts are trauma-related and nobody inside is happy.

And some believe that we all have naturally-occuring parts and that DID is just at the far end of the spectrum.

I think at its core, and again this is my personal opinion, that it is not about parts being on a continuum, it's about using dissociation as a defense against stress or trauma. I thinks it ranges from normal such as briefly depersonalizing during a car accident, to PTSD flashbacks in the middle and then at the far end, DID, a place where one feels that it all happened to them, not me. It's a coping style just like denial and intellectualization are coping styles but a lot more maladaptive, at least for me it has been.

some broke with the weight of it and stopped functioning altogether,

This is why dissociative disorders need better research and treatment. It's not about eclectic tastes but as @Ronin says, not kicking the bucket.

 

[Jade-]

I just know that for me personally, after integration the ones that were left with me became within me and then after awhile becane me and there was no longer a "they" or "them" at all anymore to be able to unintegrate.

That's my definition of integration,no longer evern having any they or them inside.And no longer having the diagnosis.

I have done lots of reading and there seems to be different definitions for the term integration.Some call complete coconsciousness and cooperation integration,some consider a few integrating integration,some consider it to be just the awareness and there's other definitions too.

But that is my definition for my experience.And I hope and pray I'm not wrong but if I no longer even have DID,no longer have alters I really don't see how I could get it again since I am an adult and it only develops in childhood.Thats why I said otherwise DID could/would develop in adulthood rather than just in childhood.

There's really not that much research or info about integration or specifically life after integration and there needs to be.Integration seems to be what professionals aim for but I don't think even they really know or understand it.Even my own T admitted he had worked with DID before but never integration or life afterwards.I think he believed once you achieve it life should be smooth sailing.

Also,I have said 2 times in this thread they are not really other people inside.I say that because after integration I realized that even though it sure seemed like it and felt like it,they weren't at all.And it was just a mental illness,a disorder that began in childhood and carried over until I got help.While I still had DID the thought of integration scared me,I didn't want to "kill off" or "get rid" of anyone.Now though I know there was never anyone to get rid of to begin with and it was all just a way to hide all the abuse and shitty childhood from myself.And if I knew then what I know now I would have been all for it because afterall,who wouldn't want to get better from a mental disorder?

ETA:These are just my own personal views and my own experience and not meant to offend in any way.

 

[Muttly]

Just to add to the DID conversation and how odd and not well understood it is. I created a part in adult-hood. Yes, it's a full part and it wasn't their in childhood. I did it because one part was doing most of the therapy work and was very overwhelmed. That part had the job of managing others inside and also held the job of "narrator" or knowing and telling the stories. So that part split off. One became the narrator and the other stayed more inside managing the others. That's a very brief experience of something that was much more complicated

 

[Jade-]

I did that too @Muttly .I developed a new part because of new trauma while I was still dissociative and had DID.I talked about that in one of my posts in this thread.

 

[Ronin]

It's a coping style just like denial and intellectualization are coping styles but a lot more maladaptive, at least for me it has been.

I find this interesting to compare experiences, as other camp with the same phenomenon.

I don't function well in singlet-y mode, been there at times and it just didn't work out. Far more dissociative when trying for it, far more depressed and numb about life or living it at all, far more not keeping a track of time, not even starting on the zombie I turn socially / being whatever is expected of me at the time but neither having fun with it, nor putting anything of realness into any of those interactions.

Things like that. D.I.D.? I'm aware, both situational and where my values lie, even if they fluctuate a bit here and there with who is up and places bigger importance on this bit vs. that bit. But the depression changes, because I'm back to Me, or, Different Me, who experiences it differently, instead of That grey rock of nothingness, over there. Who doesn't even give enough of a damn about own life to mind it.

& There's a skill thing with who/when/how learned what. Super singletized me might risk not knowing how to make tea, because the kid me's that learned that are told they're not real enough to be there so not bothering. :facepalm:

So the polar oppossite... adapted, *when* D.I.D., not so much otherwise.

So I think it's a lot of matter if it's really disconnect... or just associating differently, and to what purpose.

 

[Jade-]

I'm gonna step away from this thread.I usually don't even talk about this stuff with anyone even online.Especially not in real life.

I do believe everyone experiences DID differently. Alters differently,pretty much all if it differently.And we all have our own thoughts and opinions about it too.

What we all do have in common is trauma and abuse that caused alters to develop in the first place.

 

[Cypress]

@JadeB - I thank you for your invaluable insight. It has been meaningful to me.

 

[whiteraven]

Just to add to the DID conversation and how odd and not well understood it is. I created a part in adult-hood. Yes, it's a full part and it wasn't their in childhood. I did it because one part was doing most of the therapy work and was very overwhelmed. That part had the job of managing others inside and also held the job of "narrator" or knowing and telling the stories. So that part split off. One became the narrator and the other stayed more inside managing the others. That's a very brief experience of something that was much more complicated

I also created a part in adulthood.

 

[TruthSeeker]

I agree that nothing about this disorder is written in stone.Ive just been giving my own personal thoughts and opinions based on my own personal experience(if you noticed,in my post I said I personally believe)

Well, I'm kinda this and kinda that about it. I'm rx DDNOS and I recognize the compartmentalization. While I'm not DID, there are many similarities with what I experience and DID folks here often report. So, if we're on the DID spectrum, it's kinda like being on the autism spectrum-it's pretty broad and everyone is different, as are their functional outcomes and life management skills.

I also created a part in adulthood.

Me too!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Well, I'm kinda this and kinda that about it. I'm rx DDNOS and I recognize the compartmentalization. While I'm not DID, there are many similarities with what I experience and DID folks here often report.

DSM 5 calls it OSDD. I believe all "not otherwise specified is now "otherwise specified". And I have OSDD diagnosed too and am also getting a lot out of this thread. Glad I am not the only one!

 

[TruthSeeker]

DSM 5 calls it OSDD. I believe all "not otherwise specified is now "otherwise specified". And I have OSDD diagnosed too and am also getting a lot out of this thread. Glad I am not the only one!

I know it had a new acronym. I guess it didn't make much difference whether I used the new one or not....but that is more current.
I could stand for an acronym like this OSDD with a different meaning. LOL. Yes, this thread has been helpful.