General Distinguishing CPTSD From Other Things

[Weemie]

can you feel it coming on?

Yes, I can. Mine is stress-induced so I usually have fair warning. It starts by being unable to sleep and gets progressively worse until I wind up hospitalized saying nonsense. I'm in a prodromal state right now, actually.

Ramped up hallucinations (tactile, auditory), but thus far I can tell myself they're fake. It interrupts my sleeping, though, which makes my hyperacusis worse, and cascades from there. I'll start having bad flashbacks soon and then lose my grip

what has made it less frightening is having the knowledge. I can tell myself I'm OK, this is not happening and nothing is hurting me. My brain still tries to trick me by saying what if it IS, though????

I also tend to get more reactive and unhealthy - spending long hours looking up my abusers in prison, trying to track down the ones who escaped, looking for pedophiles in my community, etc. I tend to become engrossed in weird conspiracy theories and shit.

I won't want to go to the hospital because the doctors are working with the police who cut deals with my abusers and abussd me, yada-yada. Too freaked out to talk to a therapist, bug eyes, that kinda vibe.

 

[Hedge]

This is interesting!

The context of this thread was me trying to piece together the various behaviours of a girl I was dating, and although I feel much better now, I’m still talking it through with a really good therapist.

I just had a session, and today we talked about some contradicting behaviours.

My therapist said “Yeah well - do you see: on the one hand, she was speaking as a very self aware person who knew exactly why she behaved as she did. On the other, from her behaviour… it’s almost like she had no idea how she behaved at all. No wonder you were confused!”

I’m not saying that you’re in any way the same, but what I do see in your post (correct me if I’m wrong), is maybe that there are layers of awareness, and layers of self-awareness - and perhaps that typifies the experience of people who are working through CPTSD and similar?

(I hope I’m not coming off as a smart ass by making that observation, it’s just something that I’m processing, and I wondered if it resonated with you - perhaps so, or perhaps not!)

I thoroughly agree with you that there are layers of awareness and self awareness. The awareness is the acknowledgment that things have occurred in the past that may lead to one experiencing CPTSD and then there is a self awareness that maybe equates to protecting oneself. Just an idea that popped into my head.

I think l will take a deeper look into this observation than you make in conjunction with the Johari Window as a guide. If memory serves me correctly, there is a 4th Quarter where none of us knows what makes us tick nor can others know this of us. Maybe that is what gives rise to an individual’s contradictions.

Aren’t people such complex beings?

In no way do I see you as a smart ass but as a person just exploring this as a theme for your own healing (trusting that l have this right and sincere apologies if l have in any way erred) and I feel very privileged to be able to explore these themes safely

 

[Anon1]

Yes, I can. Mine is stress-induced so I usually have fair warning. It starts by being unable to sleep and gets progressively worse until I wind up hospitalized saying nonsense. I'm in a prodromal state right now, actually.

Ramped up hallucinations (tactile, auditory), but thus far I can tell myself they're fake. It interrupts my sleeping, though, which makes my hyperacusis worse, and cascades from there. I'll start having bad flashbacks soon and then lose my grip

what has made it less frightening is having the knowledge. I can tell myself I'm OK, this is not happening and nothing is hurting me. My brain still tries to trick me by saying what if it IS, though????

I also tend to get more reactive and unhealthy - spending long hours looking up my abusers in prison, trying to track down the ones who escaped, looking for pedophiles in my community, etc. I tend to become engrossed in weird conspiracy theories and shit.

I won't want to go to the hospital because the doctors are working with the police who cut deals with my abusers and abussd me, yada-yada. Too freaked out to talk to a therapist, bug eyes, that kinda vibe.

Aw man, I’m sorry to hear that.

It must be frustrating to work through those things often.

I hope things settle for you in that way - it must be super confusing to have it in the picture!

I thoroughly agree with you that there are layers of awareness and self awareness. The awareness is the acknowledgment that things have occurred in the past that may lead to one experiencing CPTSD and then there is a self awareness that maybe equates to protecting oneself. Just an idea that popped into my head.

I think l will take a deeper look into this observation than you make in conjunction with the Johari Window as a guide. If memory serves me correctly, there is a 4th Quarter where none of us knows what makes us tick nor can others know this of us. Maybe that is what gives rise to an individual’s contradictions.

Aren’t people such complex beings?

In no way do I see you as a smart ass but as a person just exploring this as a theme for your own healing (trusting that l have this right and sincere apologies if l have in any way erred) and I feel very privileged to be able to explore these themes safely

Yeah, this forum is really good, I think - full of caring people who are also willing to challenge thought processes etc!

Yes, people are fascinating!
I can spend hours thinking about this stuff (although I guess I probably shouldnt ).

But there are stars out there, and planets, and oceans… and people are probably most interesting (and maybe challenging sometimes - and definitely best) of all of it!